Pandie

Last night, I had more dreams involving pills. In the dream, my grandparents were still alive and both had just been discharged from the hospital for different ailments. I found my self at their houses looking for pill bottles on the night stand, in the medicine cabinet, and then just looking for them as if they were hiding like Easter eggs, (under the rugs, under the mattress, etc.) So, it's obvious to me that even if I don't think I'm craving, my subconscious definitely is .

I don't have or know of anyone I can buy pills from, but have found myself checking out sites on the internet. That is one of those "yet's" I never thought I would come to, but here it is. I have money in my bank account that needs to go towards bills, and I'm looking up pills on the web.

Just needing some encouragement today.

Thanks,
Pandie

IvanKatz

Give yourself a little time. The cravings will go away.
Mind you, I'm having a horrible time myself. I had pill dreams last night too... BUT, I know that it ain't gonna happen. I have to get it through to my stubborn addict brain that using is no longer an option. Stay strong and pay those bills NOW!

Pandie

Thanks Ivan. I don't know why today is so hard for me. I guess because I have the $. I mean, I don't really have the $, but I have the $ (if that makes any sense, lol). I really need my laptop, but right now I feel like I should throw it out the window!! These damn pill sites are beckoning me. I think I need to clear my online history and try to get the cookies out of my computer and my brain!

Cali013

Hi Pandie

I too am trying to remember who I last got a prescription from and who I can get a refill from. I could even go to an ER but I am trying so hard to ignore those addict thoughts. It will just put me back in the same place and I'll have to go through this all over again. I spend hours reading posts on this website-it really helps. I'm only on Day 3 and it's pretty rough.

Stay strong and stick to SR, not pill sites! You can do this!

sissy1980m

Hey give yourself a break, you have to start sumwhere, do not get on those sites gurl you will end up losing your money and your mind, STOP the cycle. Stay on here and try to attend a meeting, i go to AA, but im a pill addict. I just find it alot more inspiring than NA, personal preference. Good luck and do it Just For Today!!!!!!!

Help26

Pandie

Today I am 31 days off pills. I was doing 10 to 15 lortabs, Vic's, pers, a day for as long as I can remember. But 31 days clean is amazing. I never thought I could get this far.

That being said. I have my good and bad days. As crazy as it sounds. ONE DAY AT A TIME works!!! Get through today and be proud of that. Eventually, I PROMISE, those cravings go away. Little by little.

Go to a meeting and pray.

We have your back.

God Bless

TheReader

I think most of us have pill dreams after we cease using. I would have one every month or two the first six months. It has been a year and I had one again about a week ago, but it was different in that I was not as interested in using in the dream. When something is an integral part of your life for yours, I guess it is only normal that it will enter your dreams now and again.

Also, I was an internet purchaser, taking chances buying codeine from the UK. I am fortunate my regular site was shut down about 3 months after I stopped using and that helped me a lot. I was very nervous anyway about ordering on-line and the thought of seeking another unknown site was frightening.

Keep up the good fight. It does get better and the cravings become farther and farther apart. I am at a little over the year point now, but on occasion, the devil rears its ugly head. We are all here for you.

Pandie

Hanging in, but still struggling. I think I've determined I want to use anytime I feel bored and/or lonely. I caved and took some Lomotil, it's a baby opiate, but an opiate just the same so I'm hoping it will make my brain stop screaming. I do not doctor shop, I only get the meds from my primary care dr. but I can't get the meds again until the first week of Feb. although I see him in the last week of Jan and can probably get him to write them then. Can I live without these pills? Yes. Do I need them everyday for pain? No. Am I scared to tell him to stop writing them for me? Yes ... they've become like a security blanket for me. A "just in case I need them" situation. That's the psychological aspect of this addiction. I'm blessed in that I've never used enough to have severe physical withdrawals, but the psychological withdrawals get me every day, every second. I'm so tired of looking at calendars always counting down the days til I can get the pills again