So, how do I make DH understand that W/D REALLY sucks???
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So, how do I make DH understand that W/D REALLY sucks???
I'll repeat a few things I stated in my intro thread, just so no one has to go back to find my info.
I've been addicted to codeine for years, probably a decade, on an on and off, up and down basis. I've quit a couple of times. I've used pretty low doses at times. I've also taken very large doses. I've tried to quit so many times, but until now, I never seriously wanted to be clean. My reason for taking the drug was more important than my reasons for not taking it, in my mind. I discovered it during a difficult spit from my first husband, and quickly became addicted; however, I could start and stop without withdrawals, because my doses were still small, and I didn't take them every day. BUT, I say I became addicted at this stage, because I did actively seek them out frequently, and was panicky if I had none or little.
My addiction became a full-blown monkey on my back a few months later, when I had the first of several surgeries in a lengthy illness. I experienced euphoria, even when all of the pain wasn't controlled. When I did cut down in an attempt to taper, I almost always failed; the euphoria that I got, after my body wasn't used to my bigger doses, made me increase every time I relapsed. I quit for a period of several months, and thought I was done, but a couple of years ago, another chronic illness flared up, and I was back. This time it was so much worse; we'd moved to an area where drugs were usually available, and I was able to buy Tylenol #3, codeine pills, and Percocet (the Percocet was not my DOC, but I still liked it) in amounts that make me cringe when I think about it now. There were many times when I did buy it purely for pain control, because most doctors are used to drug seekers, and are very stingy with the narcotics.
I feel like NOW is the time for me, to get off of this garbage. I'm worried about future pain control - I have severe endometriosis, but I plan to use alternative medicine to help with that. I'm also nervous about any future surgery, but figure I'll get DH to dole out the pills if/when that happens. I have so many reasons to get clean that I never saw before, and only one thing that makes me really nervous.
The problem is that I have small children (youngest is 1). DH works at home, so he, in theory, can watch them while I withdraw. The problem is that he always finds an excuse for not being able to watch the kids, or a reason to turn them over to me (he can't calm the baby down, for example), even if I am horribly ill. He has no idea how uncomfortable and painful drug withdrawal can be. I've been tapering the last couple of days, to about a third of my regular dose, and feel like hell. I MAY have been coming down with a flu, I suspect, but anyhow, I'm miserable. Obviously I have to cover for DH when he needs to do something with work, but he'll take forever going out because he has to chat with everyone he meets. Then he'll get mad because he can't manage dinner and the kids, for instance, and make me get up (these examples are taken from when I had a horrid stomach bug a few months ago).
I realize that my addiction is not his fault. He didn't force me to take meds. All I ask for is a few days to hide in bed and be miserable. So how do you explain withdrawal to someone who has never BTDT?
I've been addicted to codeine for years, probably a decade, on an on and off, up and down basis. I've quit a couple of times. I've used pretty low doses at times. I've also taken very large doses. I've tried to quit so many times, but until now, I never seriously wanted to be clean. My reason for taking the drug was more important than my reasons for not taking it, in my mind. I discovered it during a difficult spit from my first husband, and quickly became addicted; however, I could start and stop without withdrawals, because my doses were still small, and I didn't take them every day. BUT, I say I became addicted at this stage, because I did actively seek them out frequently, and was panicky if I had none or little.
My addiction became a full-blown monkey on my back a few months later, when I had the first of several surgeries in a lengthy illness. I experienced euphoria, even when all of the pain wasn't controlled. When I did cut down in an attempt to taper, I almost always failed; the euphoria that I got, after my body wasn't used to my bigger doses, made me increase every time I relapsed. I quit for a period of several months, and thought I was done, but a couple of years ago, another chronic illness flared up, and I was back. This time it was so much worse; we'd moved to an area where drugs were usually available, and I was able to buy Tylenol #3, codeine pills, and Percocet (the Percocet was not my DOC, but I still liked it) in amounts that make me cringe when I think about it now. There were many times when I did buy it purely for pain control, because most doctors are used to drug seekers, and are very stingy with the narcotics.
I feel like NOW is the time for me, to get off of this garbage. I'm worried about future pain control - I have severe endometriosis, but I plan to use alternative medicine to help with that. I'm also nervous about any future surgery, but figure I'll get DH to dole out the pills if/when that happens. I have so many reasons to get clean that I never saw before, and only one thing that makes me really nervous.
The problem is that I have small children (youngest is 1). DH works at home, so he, in theory, can watch them while I withdraw. The problem is that he always finds an excuse for not being able to watch the kids, or a reason to turn them over to me (he can't calm the baby down, for example), even if I am horribly ill. He has no idea how uncomfortable and painful drug withdrawal can be. I've been tapering the last couple of days, to about a third of my regular dose, and feel like hell. I MAY have been coming down with a flu, I suspect, but anyhow, I'm miserable. Obviously I have to cover for DH when he needs to do something with work, but he'll take forever going out because he has to chat with everyone he meets. Then he'll get mad because he can't manage dinner and the kids, for instance, and make me get up (these examples are taken from when I had a horrid stomach bug a few months ago).
I realize that my addiction is not his fault. He didn't force me to take meds. All I ask for is a few days to hide in bed and be miserable. So how do you explain withdrawal to someone who has never BTDT?
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Location: The Great White North
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Hi! I'm not sure if you mean that your husband knows you are an active drug addict or not? Have you told him the history and the need for you to w/d in order to begin recovery so as NOT to be an active addict?
I know it's hard to explain to someone who has never experienced it, but if he is in the same house with you he can't possibly be so blind as to not see the horrible physical sickness.
Does he really think you can balance a 1 year old on your hip while you throw-up continuously? Or cook a meal when you can't even keep water down? Or change your own diaper after your baby's? (ok, that might be a bit much, but only a tiny bit)
I realize husbands think wife's and mothers are super-human (HaHa) but really! If he doesn't realize the extent to which you are physically unable to deal with anything or anyone but yourself for a few days, maybe a heart to heart with him will help him to be a little more supportive. Perhaps you could work out a plan that includes a babysitter as well as him?
Try to get him to understand that you are going to need him and his support as you go through recovery as well. This is a family illness and a family issue. Although YOU are the addict, it affects him and it affects your children too.
I wish you a successfull w/d and start into recovery. I hope your husband will go with you. And give that baby a big smooch!! (If I could I would babysit for you!)
...Ruby...
I know it's hard to explain to someone who has never experienced it, but if he is in the same house with you he can't possibly be so blind as to not see the horrible physical sickness.
Does he really think you can balance a 1 year old on your hip while you throw-up continuously? Or cook a meal when you can't even keep water down? Or change your own diaper after your baby's? (ok, that might be a bit much, but only a tiny bit)
I realize husbands think wife's and mothers are super-human (HaHa) but really! If he doesn't realize the extent to which you are physically unable to deal with anything or anyone but yourself for a few days, maybe a heart to heart with him will help him to be a little more supportive. Perhaps you could work out a plan that includes a babysitter as well as him?
Try to get him to understand that you are going to need him and his support as you go through recovery as well. This is a family illness and a family issue. Although YOU are the addict, it affects him and it affects your children too.
I wish you a successfull w/d and start into recovery. I hope your husband will go with you. And give that baby a big smooch!! (If I could I would babysit for you!)
...Ruby...
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Jersey
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Hey there...Ruby is right. He really needs to understand or try to understand what you are going through. Is it possible to sit with him heart to heart and explain that you do need time AND his help?
Yes, women have that curse of being able to accomplish it all whether sick or injured. With that being said, the time you need is not forever. Just some time and patience from him while you heal. You don't need the added pressure right now while you are trying to get clean.
My hub doesn't know, and if he did, he prob wouldn't be much help. That's why I took the sub route. Not for everyone, and I don't promote it. I just had to b/c my hub wouldn't understand nor would support me.
Come here to vent and talk any time. We are here to listen. I have 3 kids myself...I can envision how difficult this must be for you. Whether you get his help or not, try as best you can. That's all you can do.
Hugs,
Kelly
Yes, women have that curse of being able to accomplish it all whether sick or injured. With that being said, the time you need is not forever. Just some time and patience from him while you heal. You don't need the added pressure right now while you are trying to get clean.
My hub doesn't know, and if he did, he prob wouldn't be much help. That's why I took the sub route. Not for everyone, and I don't promote it. I just had to b/c my hub wouldn't understand nor would support me.
Come here to vent and talk any time. We are here to listen. I have 3 kids myself...I can envision how difficult this must be for you. Whether you get his help or not, try as best you can. That's all you can do.
Hugs,
Kelly
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Well, I've been afraid to tell him just how much of an addiction I have, mentally as well as physically, but I have managed to tell him that I'm physically dependent, and also that I'm done with taking narcotics. I also told him that there are awful side-effects to detox. He acts like he "gets it", but then he leaves me with the kids, or acts angry and resentful. Granted, he has the right to be unhappy with the situation, but I've stuck by him through some terrible times he's caused. I asked him to just hang on to the negative emotions, that I'm not dismissing them, but right now I need help, I'll deal with the fall out with him once I get through this.
Right now, he seems to think I have the flu; he doesn't seem to realize that this could be withdrawal. I do think I may have a bit of the flu, but I know very well that a lot of this is because I've reduced my dosage to next to nothing (and plan to reduce it again in the next day or two; once I get past THAT dose, it's over, no more narcotics at all, barring medical emergencies). I feel like garbage - I'm exhausted, nauseated, I ache all over, my eyes and nose like to randomly start streaming out of nowhere... So far, no diarrhea yet, which shocks me, but I'm waiting for it, and there's no way I can hold a 1 year old while I'm dealing with that!
Oh, and I am irritable. So irritable. I am grouchy, I have no patience, and every argument or whine I hear makes me want to run away and never come back.
I really wish there was a better time to quit, but there's never a perfect time, and I realized that I just hit bottom, emotionally at least, and there's no way I can keep going. So I'm going to have to tough it out, unless a miracle happens. At least I can keep posting here to whine lol!
Right now, he seems to think I have the flu; he doesn't seem to realize that this could be withdrawal. I do think I may have a bit of the flu, but I know very well that a lot of this is because I've reduced my dosage to next to nothing (and plan to reduce it again in the next day or two; once I get past THAT dose, it's over, no more narcotics at all, barring medical emergencies). I feel like garbage - I'm exhausted, nauseated, I ache all over, my eyes and nose like to randomly start streaming out of nowhere... So far, no diarrhea yet, which shocks me, but I'm waiting for it, and there's no way I can hold a 1 year old while I'm dealing with that!
Oh, and I am irritable. So irritable. I am grouchy, I have no patience, and every argument or whine I hear makes me want to run away and never come back.
I really wish there was a better time to quit, but there's never a perfect time, and I realized that I just hit bottom, emotionally at least, and there's no way I can keep going. So I'm going to have to tough it out, unless a miracle happens. At least I can keep posting here to whine lol!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Jersey
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It sure sounds like you are going through some WDs. The irritability and teary eyes, the aches and pains. I got those symptoms when I tried to taper down and when I attempted to quit CT.
You know the saying, 'you can't get blood from a stone'. Try to encourage him to do some reading about dependence and the symptoms that occur when one is coming off opiates. Maybe that can give him a little more perspective. Maybe that would help. He seems to be saying he understands, but isn't taking your cry for help seriously enough. I feel for ya hon. :-(
Come here to SR. You can vent as much as you need! We are here to listen and can relate to you in one way or another. You are not alone in this! We are all here because we need help, guidance and to share our burdens.
For me, the dreaded diahrea started quite quickly. You are lucky thus far - lol. If you can, stock up on some immodium and be sure to drink lots of gatorade or vitamin water for if/when that happens. Take Advil for the aches and pains.
Please keep posting :-)
xoxo
Kelly
You know the saying, 'you can't get blood from a stone'. Try to encourage him to do some reading about dependence and the symptoms that occur when one is coming off opiates. Maybe that can give him a little more perspective. Maybe that would help. He seems to be saying he understands, but isn't taking your cry for help seriously enough. I feel for ya hon. :-(
Come here to SR. You can vent as much as you need! We are here to listen and can relate to you in one way or another. You are not alone in this! We are all here because we need help, guidance and to share our burdens.
For me, the dreaded diahrea started quite quickly. You are lucky thus far - lol. If you can, stock up on some immodium and be sure to drink lots of gatorade or vitamin water for if/when that happens. Take Advil for the aches and pains.
Please keep posting :-)
xoxo
Kelly
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being careful with my words here --
Unless you're lying on the floor heaving your guts up, I doubt a lot partners can handle the kids when they haven't been doing it from the start. Pass the baby/kid is something I know about. Luckily I rarely got sick and if I did - they went to inlaws or my parents. I was very lucky.
Not sure what to say as you can't make someone GET IT. Becoming physically dependent on a medicine means ...what it means. People that have never been through that, Mmmmm....am not sure they could understand. I've only had the flu once in my life. Before I did I never got how sick it could make someone.
I also had mono...waaay back when, and I wasn't that sick. Others get near death.
Come here and gripe, yes. :-)
(((hugs)))
A mom of just one :-)
Unless you're lying on the floor heaving your guts up, I doubt a lot partners can handle the kids when they haven't been doing it from the start. Pass the baby/kid is something I know about. Luckily I rarely got sick and if I did - they went to inlaws or my parents. I was very lucky.
Not sure what to say as you can't make someone GET IT. Becoming physically dependent on a medicine means ...what it means. People that have never been through that, Mmmmm....am not sure they could understand. I've only had the flu once in my life. Before I did I never got how sick it could make someone.
I also had mono...waaay back when, and I wasn't that sick. Others get near death.
Come here and gripe, yes. :-)
(((hugs)))
A mom of just one :-)
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Thanks again, everyone! I talked to him again tonight, and he seems more understanding. I'm down to a very small (for me...) dose, and will throw that one out tomorrow night or Friday morning (trying to time the worst of it for when I know DH can help). But I explained again, in as much depth as possible, how much w/d sucks, and how much I want to be free of narcotics (he's not savvy on addiction, but he knows I've been stuck on them for years, because of surgeries and illness).
I feel like every ache and pain I've ever had in my life has come back to haunt me, along with the feeling of someone sticking metal skewers through my ears and skull. I'm on my way to soak in a tub of epsom salts!
I feel like every ache and pain I've ever had in my life has come back to haunt me, along with the feeling of someone sticking metal skewers through my ears and skull. I'm on my way to soak in a tub of epsom salts!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Jersey
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I hear ya WordGrrrl.... you feel aches and pains that you never knew existed.....I sure did when I attempted the taper.
You sound like you have a good plan in place and a strong desire to get through this. Keep you mind strong! Stay focused on the goal. How proud you will be of yourself when you are no longer a slave to the narcs.
I'm rooting for ya!
xoxo Kelly
You sound like you have a good plan in place and a strong desire to get through this. Keep you mind strong! Stay focused on the goal. How proud you will be of yourself when you are no longer a slave to the narcs.
I'm rooting for ya!
xoxo Kelly
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So, I thought DH and I were on the same page. We had a brief but serious talk, and I thought everything was clear. I stressed that I'd be tossing all of my codeine as of today, and he agreed that he'd stick around to help me through the worst of it. Back when I started the merry-go-round of surgeries and drugs again, he had made me promise that if I became addicted, I'd do whatever I had to, to get sober - go to NA, rehab, whatever. I promised. I can't go to rehab; there's no way I could leave my kids for even one night. And if he can't handle them when I'm home, I'd go insane worrying about how things are going at home. I'm too shy for NA. So we agreed, detox at home, he'll take over and make sure he's here for the worst of it.
So earlier, he mentioned that he'd have to help a guy he knows, to do some things. Couldn't say when - maybe Saturday, or Sunday, possibly Monday... I pointed out that he'd promised to help me. He got snappy, and asked what the hell I'd do if he had a job that kept him out of the house every day, and my response was that he didn't - if he did, then it would obviously be a different story. I expressed to him that I felt that he should put my well-being over something that could be put off for another day, and it blew up into a huge fight.
I hate this - it's like I'm being thwarted at the last second, every time that I think that things might go okay. He won't read anything on drug addiction. I can't tell anyone else about what's going on. So I don't know what to do. Just go ahead as planned, and pray that I can get through it. I'm just so disappointed in him right now, and feeling like crap.
So earlier, he mentioned that he'd have to help a guy he knows, to do some things. Couldn't say when - maybe Saturday, or Sunday, possibly Monday... I pointed out that he'd promised to help me. He got snappy, and asked what the hell I'd do if he had a job that kept him out of the house every day, and my response was that he didn't - if he did, then it would obviously be a different story. I expressed to him that I felt that he should put my well-being over something that could be put off for another day, and it blew up into a huge fight.
I hate this - it's like I'm being thwarted at the last second, every time that I think that things might go okay. He won't read anything on drug addiction. I can't tell anyone else about what's going on. So I don't know what to do. Just go ahead as planned, and pray that I can get through it. I'm just so disappointed in him right now, and feeling like crap.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
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I'm sorry Wordgurrrl, I understand what you are going thru and it is HARD.
I'm the SAHM of a special needs child and I am a single parent in a marriage. I've tried countless times to explain w/d's and addiction to dh but he never REALLY gets it. He thinks I'm supermom. I'm on my own all day everyday and he cannot handle our daughter when I am here so I can relate about not feeling comfortable leaving your children home.
I was forced to go thru c/t w/d's on my own while taking care of my very demanding, challenging, time consuming autistic 3 1/2 year old. It was hell on earth but I got thru it.
I'm sorry you don't have the support and understanding you need right now. It's going to seem impossible and overwhelming but you have it within yourself to make this happen. SR played a critical role in getting thru the w/d's so did music. Music played a huge role in passing time and it was therapeutic.
We are here for you, you can get thru this. I'm assuming from your post that you don't have family/friends that could help you watch your children?
As a PP mentioned, the parent who is not the primary caregiver almost always has a very hard time stepping into the shoes of the parent who is. I know that is the case with me and I know all about the excuses and running away s***. I've grown resentful in part to do with this.
Enough of my rambling, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. (((hug)))
-Jess
I'm the SAHM of a special needs child and I am a single parent in a marriage. I've tried countless times to explain w/d's and addiction to dh but he never REALLY gets it. He thinks I'm supermom. I'm on my own all day everyday and he cannot handle our daughter when I am here so I can relate about not feeling comfortable leaving your children home.
I was forced to go thru c/t w/d's on my own while taking care of my very demanding, challenging, time consuming autistic 3 1/2 year old. It was hell on earth but I got thru it.
I'm sorry you don't have the support and understanding you need right now. It's going to seem impossible and overwhelming but you have it within yourself to make this happen. SR played a critical role in getting thru the w/d's so did music. Music played a huge role in passing time and it was therapeutic.
We are here for you, you can get thru this. I'm assuming from your post that you don't have family/friends that could help you watch your children?
As a PP mentioned, the parent who is not the primary caregiver almost always has a very hard time stepping into the shoes of the parent who is. I know that is the case with me and I know all about the excuses and running away s***. I've grown resentful in part to do with this.
Enough of my rambling, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. (((hug)))
-Jess
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No, I'm on my own, no family or friends close by. My oldest son also has severe autism; isn't it fun to deal with w/d symptoms while dealing with the level of challenges that disabilities bring? I have Asperger's myself, so it's always interesting around here!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Hey WordGrrrl...how are you feeling right now? WD wise? Have you taken the last of your codeine?
I can't imagine all that you have on your plate right now. I'm hoping that your hub will see how physically and mentally taxing this process is on you and step up and take the wheel.
I've been following your story. Please know that i am thinking of you and praying that you get through this. I am so sorry that you are carrying all the weight. Hopefully, through all the gloom, you can see the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
We are here for you. Vent, rant, scream, cry....it's ok.
Hugs to you......Kelly
I can't imagine all that you have on your plate right now. I'm hoping that your hub will see how physically and mentally taxing this process is on you and step up and take the wheel.
I've been following your story. Please know that i am thinking of you and praying that you get through this. I am so sorry that you are carrying all the weight. Hopefully, through all the gloom, you can see the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
We are here for you. Vent, rant, scream, cry....it's ok.
Hugs to you......Kelly
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Hi Kelly! I still have some codeine left, but I'm done with it. DH is just going to have to step up and take one for the team here, because I can't do any of this anymore. If I don't update for a day or so, please don't worry - I may avoid these forums if I'm in a "hair trigger" mood!
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Thanks - it's nice to have support wherever I can get it! According to the sober time calculator here, I have just over 2 days sober (or 'clean', which is how I tend to think it). I had the worst raging migraine today - I'm sure part of that is detoxing from the caffeine in the meds, along with the narcotic itself. I've found that if I keep my blood sugar up, I feel a bit better. The nausea seems to be tapering off, which is definitely a good thing! The aches and pains in my legs, esp. in my knees, are brutal, hard to imagine ever NOT being in pain all over, but I know I've been through worse without even thinking of narcotics, so I just keep reminding myself of that.
I found a brief article on helping loved ones cope with addiction and withdrawal online, and sent it to DH. He's still being something of a butt, although when he left the house a couple of times, instead of just vanishing as usual, at least he asked if I was okay for a certain amount of time with the kids.
Not much else to report; hope everyone else is doing okay!
I found a brief article on helping loved ones cope with addiction and withdrawal online, and sent it to DH. He's still being something of a butt, although when he left the house a couple of times, instead of just vanishing as usual, at least he asked if I was okay for a certain amount of time with the kids.
Not much else to report; hope everyone else is doing okay!
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