A Life Time Method Of Coping shared
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A Life Time Method Of Coping shared
Over the years, I have found a number of coping skills that have been helpful to keep myself clean. Aside from time spent with my higher power, this has BY FAR been the most helpful, whether it was day 1 or 2 years, it repeatedly empowered me. It is a concept that I came up with when I went through my worst detox. I felt so hopeless, broken and powerless. Logically and physically, I knew what was going on in my brain, but emotionally, I had nothing to ground myself, nothing to make sense of it all, so I took what I knew and got a little creative...
When a person becomes addicted to a substance, much of the damage that happens to the brain can be repaired over time. However, there is a specific area of the brain that will be forever changed. This is why they now define addiction as a disease. This change is the reason behind our inability to use our DOC in moderation. It also recognizes when we use other addictive substances, causing it to act up and give us cravings for our DOC. I know quite a few people that were alcoholics or pill addicts and successfully quit. Then the alcoholic was put on pain meds for a surgery and either during treatment or after the pain meds were stopped, they had some really strong cravings for alcohol, caught totally off guard. Also, the other way around. The pill addict thought it was okay to drink on occasion, some it took one drink, some it took many, but they too developed a craving for pills. That area of the brain was triggered. The third danger we have to be aware of is that it can also cause us to transfer addictions. If we start using a different substance, it typically doesn't take much for our brain to latch on to that, even if we don't particularly like it. The fourth and I think last danger is we can easily become caught up in what are called process addictions. These include things like eating disorders, gambling addiction, internet addiction, sex addiction, over-eating, etc.
Okay, try to stick with me. This has helped me more than ANYTHING
The following is my lengthy, but descriptive illustration of how I have to keep that part of my brain in perspective. Hope this helps...
I always call this part of the brain "the little guy" that lives in my head. (I know I know, give it a chance. Try to keep reading). He was created because of my addiction and he will always be there. He got spoiled during my addiction, as he fed off of everything my addiction was about. He made me think that drugs were more important than anything else in my life. He made it easy to juggle my schedule to use and to make sure I always had drugs. I thought I was happy and in control.
Then one day, I realized I was out of control and happiness was a facade. It was when I detoxed that I first acknowledged this little piece of crap that was controlling everything. I realized that during my addiction, all he had to do was want drugs and I gave it to him. When detoxing got hard, it was him trying to make me give in. 
He would try every avenue to get me to screw up. I realized how greedy he really is. He wanted me to lose my family, my integrity, my health, my job, my children, everything I care about and he would go to any length to do it. He didn't care if I lived or died. He made me believe horrible things about myself and repeatedly told me I wouldn't succeed and that I would always be an addict. He told me I shouldn't go to church or pray because God wouldn't accept me the way I was. I learned that he is very much like a homicidal, narcisistic two year old, so I treated him that way. I made sure that every time he tried to get me to give in (he can be very persistent), that not only would I refuse to give in, but I would encourage myself to go to meetings, call a friend, take my kids out for ice cream, and most of all, tell myself things that he hated to hear. Some days he was more persistent than others. But I realized that, though he once had control over me, I now have control over me. No matter when he decides to try and mess with me, I know what he's all about and I do something he hates...something that is good for me and my sobriety. This is what I attribute random triggers to, triggers that pop up out of no where months or years later. He got a little boost of energy and decided he was going to give it an ol' college try, hopeful that he caught me in a moment of weakness. If he does catch me at just the right time, I have to be ready (I wasn't last time). Its easy to become complacent and forget that he's there when recovery has been going well. I had become complacent and I found out I needed to do more to protect myself on a daily basis. So, I came here, along with some other things. Great decision! Ideally, I would have had a plan in place to prepare for that moment. I did when I was first in recovery..."if the little guy is getting to me and I forget that I can kick his a**, I am going to go to a meeting." Complacency = no plan = relapse (He WINS). Time to put him in his place! 
If I get help right away, before he gains too much strength (it happens fast), I have a better chance at putting him in his place and regaining control.
Bottom line: He will always be there and he will give up for long periods of time, especially as he learns that its your life, not his, but know he can wake up when you least expect it. Just be prepared, arm yourself with things that are meaningful to your recovery and make them a part of your every day life. He won't have a chance!
Think about your own addiction and recovery. Give an image and a name to this concept. For me, thinking about it as "me against the little guy or the little a** hole" is a lot more concrete than thinking about it as a battle against myself. Being able to create this separation empowers me and has proven to save me on many occasions. Imagine what he/she/it looks like in your head. Think of all the ways it tries to destroy your life when you are using. Think of your current weaknesses that it is trying to or may try to take advantage of. What has it already taken from you? What time of the year does it get active? Do you have friends that it likes? Do you have friends that it wouldn't dare come around? What are you arming yourself with to keep yourself strong? What can you tell yourself if it starts to beat ont your self esteem?
Relapse is giving control back to it; do you want it being anywhere around your kids? (that concept scares me to death), do you want it going to work for you? It will lie and tell you that you are fine..."no one notices...your kids seem happy...what my parents don't know, won't hurt them...I have chronic pain and I deserve to feel like everyone else"...and the worst lie he tells me to keep me from changing is, "don't worry, you are in control. You aren't as bad as..." and he continues to slowly destroy everything around me because he knows I won't notice until something really bad happens or he gets so greedy that I can't help but realize that "somewhere along the way, something went very very bad. "What ever it was, it went fast and I don't know how the heck I got here." OUR lives should be in OUR control.
If you made it this far in my post and you think this concept might help you the way it helped me, would you mind telling us about the character you are going to create and what you are going to call it. Tell us about it...the lies it tells you, what it has taken, some of the above questions I mentioned and anything else you can think of. This gives us a visual of what your addiction and recovery looks like from your perspective, as well as what it means to you.
Thanks for sticking with me. It was very helpful for me to write this all out. Though I have shared this concept before, never have I gotten so detailed. Allowing me to share all that has empowered me once again. I love it!
I can't wait to hear from you!
When a person becomes addicted to a substance, much of the damage that happens to the brain can be repaired over time. However, there is a specific area of the brain that will be forever changed. This is why they now define addiction as a disease. This change is the reason behind our inability to use our DOC in moderation. It also recognizes when we use other addictive substances, causing it to act up and give us cravings for our DOC. I know quite a few people that were alcoholics or pill addicts and successfully quit. Then the alcoholic was put on pain meds for a surgery and either during treatment or after the pain meds were stopped, they had some really strong cravings for alcohol, caught totally off guard. Also, the other way around. The pill addict thought it was okay to drink on occasion, some it took one drink, some it took many, but they too developed a craving for pills. That area of the brain was triggered. The third danger we have to be aware of is that it can also cause us to transfer addictions. If we start using a different substance, it typically doesn't take much for our brain to latch on to that, even if we don't particularly like it. The fourth and I think last danger is we can easily become caught up in what are called process addictions. These include things like eating disorders, gambling addiction, internet addiction, sex addiction, over-eating, etc.
Okay, try to stick with me. This has helped me more than ANYTHING
The following is my lengthy, but descriptive illustration of how I have to keep that part of my brain in perspective. Hope this helps...
I always call this part of the brain "the little guy" that lives in my head. (I know I know, give it a chance. Try to keep reading). He was created because of my addiction and he will always be there. He got spoiled during my addiction, as he fed off of everything my addiction was about. He made me think that drugs were more important than anything else in my life. He made it easy to juggle my schedule to use and to make sure I always had drugs. I thought I was happy and in control.
Then one day, I realized I was out of control and happiness was a facade. It was when I detoxed that I first acknowledged this little piece of crap that was controlling everything. I realized that during my addiction, all he had to do was want drugs and I gave it to him. When detoxing got hard, it was him trying to make me give in. He would try every avenue to get me to screw up. I realized how greedy he really is. He wanted me to lose my family, my integrity, my health, my job, my children, everything I care about and he would go to any length to do it. He didn't care if I lived or died. He made me believe horrible things about myself and repeatedly told me I wouldn't succeed and that I would always be an addict. He told me I shouldn't go to church or pray because God wouldn't accept me the way I was. I learned that he is very much like a homicidal, narcisistic two year old, so I treated him that way. I made sure that every time he tried to get me to give in (he can be very persistent), that not only would I refuse to give in, but I would encourage myself to go to meetings, call a friend, take my kids out for ice cream, and most of all, tell myself things that he hated to hear. Some days he was more persistent than others. But I realized that, though he once had control over me, I now have control over me. No matter when he decides to try and mess with me, I know what he's all about and I do something he hates...something that is good for me and my sobriety. This is what I attribute random triggers to, triggers that pop up out of no where months or years later. He got a little boost of energy and decided he was going to give it an ol' college try, hopeful that he caught me in a moment of weakness. If he does catch me at just the right time, I have to be ready (I wasn't last time). Its easy to become complacent and forget that he's there when recovery has been going well. I had become complacent and I found out I needed to do more to protect myself on a daily basis. So, I came here, along with some other things. Great decision! Ideally, I would have had a plan in place to prepare for that moment. I did when I was first in recovery..."if the little guy is getting to me and I forget that I can kick his a**, I am going to go to a meeting." Complacency = no plan = relapse (He WINS). Time to put him in his place! If I get help right away, before he gains too much strength (it happens fast), I have a better chance at putting him in his place and regaining control.Bottom line: He will always be there and he will give up for long periods of time, especially as he learns that its your life, not his, but know he can wake up when you least expect it. Just be prepared, arm yourself with things that are meaningful to your recovery and make them a part of your every day life. He won't have a chance!
Think about your own addiction and recovery. Give an image and a name to this concept. For me, thinking about it as "me against the little guy or the little a** hole" is a lot more concrete than thinking about it as a battle against myself. Being able to create this separation empowers me and has proven to save me on many occasions. Imagine what he/she/it looks like in your head. Think of all the ways it tries to destroy your life when you are using. Think of your current weaknesses that it is trying to or may try to take advantage of. What has it already taken from you? What time of the year does it get active? Do you have friends that it likes? Do you have friends that it wouldn't dare come around? What are you arming yourself with to keep yourself strong? What can you tell yourself if it starts to beat ont your self esteem?
Relapse is giving control back to it; do you want it being anywhere around your kids? (that concept scares me to death), do you want it going to work for you? It will lie and tell you that you are fine..."no one notices...your kids seem happy...what my parents don't know, won't hurt them...I have chronic pain and I deserve to feel like everyone else"...and the worst lie he tells me to keep me from changing is, "don't worry, you are in control. You aren't as bad as..." and he continues to slowly destroy everything around me because he knows I won't notice until something really bad happens or he gets so greedy that I can't help but realize that "somewhere along the way, something went very very bad. "What ever it was, it went fast and I don't know how the heck I got here." OUR lives should be in OUR control.
If you made it this far in my post and you think this concept might help you the way it helped me, would you mind telling us about the character you are going to create and what you are going to call it. Tell us about it...the lies it tells you, what it has taken, some of the above questions I mentioned and anything else you can think of. This gives us a visual of what your addiction and recovery looks like from your perspective, as well as what it means to you.
Thanks for sticking with me. It was very helpful for me to write this all out. Though I have shared this concept before, never have I gotten so detailed. Allowing me to share all that has empowered me once again. I love it!
I can't wait to hear from you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi Chained,
Your concept is not unlike identifying the Addictive Voice in the AVRT method. I'm not religious and so don't do the God thing, so it's good to see someone who is able to still apply this method. I don't think those things are in conflict.
People who read many of my posts will hear me talk about the "Addict Brain" part of addiction, as opposed to rational thought and clear headed self determination. Putting imagery behind that isn't a bad idea, and it sounds like you've had great success doing that.
Good post.
FT
Your concept is not unlike identifying the Addictive Voice in the AVRT method. I'm not religious and so don't do the God thing, so it's good to see someone who is able to still apply this method. I don't think those things are in conflict.
People who read many of my posts will hear me talk about the "Addict Brain" part of addiction, as opposed to rational thought and clear headed self determination. Putting imagery behind that isn't a bad idea, and it sounds like you've had great success doing that.
Good post.
FT
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 132
Just what I needed this morning. You have put into words precisely what I need to fill my addicted brain. Apathy, complacency, and "stinkin thinking" have always been my cause of relapse. I too believe this is a lifetime disease and I will have to stay vigilant of the addicted brain trying to win. This is something I will read and re-read in the months to come. Great post.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 157
Hi chained, great post! Growing up, my mom used to warn me that that was the little devil telling me to do something bad. Sounds alot like the little guy you describe. I hate to think I invited the devil to sit in my brain. I'd rather name the little guy Zelda. Powerful and tricky.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: parkersburg, wv
Posts: 178
Thanks Chained for your post. It is something I will read and reread several times to get my mind working the right way. I have been a chronic relapser over the past 12 years.. I would get several months of clean time and relapse go back to using for a few years, quit for a few months, relapse. I don't want to relapse this time. Vicodin is kryptonike to superman. It's deadly to me.. that's how I look at it. Your post helped articulate what I think about the drug and what it does to me.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: WA
Posts: 30
Great post, read a book called The Tao of Sobriety a year or so back and what you just wrote seemed to sum up that book a lot clearer and easier with basically the same context, I did read that book without the clearest of minds and without really wanting to take in the information it was offering, I'm sure the concepts in the book were good, but the state I was in I didn't want to hear it, I already knew everything 
But one of the main ideas from the book was basically identifying a character to take charge of your brain, and having another character play your addiction and anytime your addiction acted up the big boss had to put him back in check. I'm not gonna proof read this because I'm not sure I quite understand what I am trying to say, so sorry if it didn't make sense. I REALLY like your post a lot, I don't know much about recovery accept for the 12 steps, which I haven't started or even know if I ever will, I am still new to this whole recovery thing, or at least want to be new to it, right now I am on again off again addict looking for a way out, I am going to read your post when I wake up the next couple mornings and make it a point to put your ideas into action for myself and try to make a difference in my own life, hopefully it can help me as much as it has helped you, great information, thanks again.
But one of the main ideas from the book was basically identifying a character to take charge of your brain, and having another character play your addiction and anytime your addiction acted up the big boss had to put him back in check. I'm not gonna proof read this because I'm not sure I quite understand what I am trying to say, so sorry if it didn't make sense. I REALLY like your post a lot, I don't know much about recovery accept for the 12 steps, which I haven't started or even know if I ever will, I am still new to this whole recovery thing, or at least want to be new to it, right now I am on again off again addict looking for a way out, I am going to read your post when I wake up the next couple mornings and make it a point to put your ideas into action for myself and try to make a difference in my own life, hopefully it can help me as much as it has helped you, great information, thanks again.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Hello, when I was in my 20's (long long time ago 
I was a meth addict. High functioning, went to work and had a regular life, no police issues and no arrests.. Every Thursday, the voice kicked in saying, "Friday and Saturday are okay". I had a boyfriend and we would stay up from Friday through Sunday doing meth and all that goes with that. No more be said right? Fast forward 15 years.Boyfriend is history, I am married and have 3 kids and all is beautiful, except ... I met up with some old family friends and the same old pattern started up, doing crystal on Friday and Saturday, crashing on Sunday. This post is EXACTLY what was driving me. I finally came to my senses and REMOVED those friends from my world about four years ago. It did not erase itself from my life though... I have a heroin addict for a son, he is 21 and fighting this battle as we speak. Drugs provide an escape, but no solution. I hurt our family with this bullS#$*%& thinking which caused me to ignore what is right in front of my face, a young mind who is indestructible dabbling in "feel good" stuff. I believe that my propensity for that feel good was a big reason he went down that path. Now I am drug free and I have two other teens to raise, I know that VOICE will not overpower me. My brother smokes pot and does coke recreationally , but lives in another state. when he visits me, he knows my boundaries and will accept that he is NOT to bring his @#*&% anywhere near our home.
I was a meth addict. High functioning, went to work and had a regular life, no police issues and no arrests.. Every Thursday, the voice kicked in saying, "Friday and Saturday are okay". I had a boyfriend and we would stay up from Friday through Sunday doing meth and all that goes with that. No more be said right? Fast forward 15 years.Boyfriend is history, I am married and have 3 kids and all is beautiful, except ... I met up with some old family friends and the same old pattern started up, doing crystal on Friday and Saturday, crashing on Sunday. This post is EXACTLY what was driving me. I finally came to my senses and REMOVED those friends from my world about four years ago. It did not erase itself from my life though... I have a heroin addict for a son, he is 21 and fighting this battle as we speak. Drugs provide an escape, but no solution. I hurt our family with this bullS#$*%& thinking which caused me to ignore what is right in front of my face, a young mind who is indestructible dabbling in "feel good" stuff. I believe that my propensity for that feel good was a big reason he went down that path. Now I am drug free and I have two other teens to raise, I know that VOICE will not overpower me. My brother smokes pot and does coke recreationally , but lives in another state. when he visits me, he knows my boundaries and will accept that he is NOT to bring his @#*&% anywhere near our home.
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sonjj, ryan, sophia, Cassandra, lost & ft
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I had found myself writing little bits and pieces as responses to posts here and there and it made me realize how much I depend on this concept for my own recovery. I remember during my first attempt at quitting, I journaled about feeling like I was playing a game of chess against myself, using the same strategies on both sides and it just wasn't working. It felt like my success was all left to chance. Needless to say, it was and I didn't last long. Once I started thinking this way, there was this incredible shift in my mind that allowed me to take over. I was able to distinguish my power from the power of my addiction. It became possible. So, why the heck would I not share it!?! It was about time.
I am so happy that I was able to relay in a way that makes sense and may be helpful. Once this gets buried, I also put it in my blog, so feel free to read it any time. It will soon become yours and you will put your own personal twist to it and take it with you for years and years of sobriety. That is my wish for you.
Congratulations on another clean and sober day!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I had found myself writing little bits and pieces as responses to posts here and there and it made me realize how much I depend on this concept for my own recovery. I remember during my first attempt at quitting, I journaled about feeling like I was playing a game of chess against myself, using the same strategies on both sides and it just wasn't working. It felt like my success was all left to chance. Needless to say, it was and I didn't last long. Once I started thinking this way, there was this incredible shift in my mind that allowed me to take over. I was able to distinguish my power from the power of my addiction. It became possible. So, why the heck would I not share it!?! It was about time.
I am so happy that I was able to relay in a way that makes sense and may be helpful. Once this gets buried, I also put it in my blog, so feel free to read it any time. It will soon become yours and you will put your own personal twist to it and take it with you for years and years of sobriety. That is my wish for you.
Congratulations on another clean and sober day!
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