How to help someone who has relapsed?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Bellingham,WA
Posts: 12
How to help someone who has relapsed?
Hi everyone,
I'm new to recovery and I have 74 days 100% clean and sober. I went to impatient and upon discharge I was told to do many things if I wanted to remain sober. I have gone to multiple meetings a day and am doing the 90/90 (& more), I have a sponsor, I'm working the steps, I'm in Intensive Outpatient, I've got a sober social network, a sober housing situation, I pray and ask for guidance everyday, and for me things are working out really well as long as I keep working hard.
My predicament is, while in impatient I met many girls, several of whom I care about very deeply. I pray for them and for those still suffering everyday. I ask my higher power for the guidance to do the next loving thing, the next caring thing so that I may help others. Just now (2am), I got a call from a girl whom I had bonded with while in inpatient and she has relapsed and is asking for my help. She wants to come visit me, to get out of the tiny town she is in and the people she is surrounded by for a few days. She says she needs help and she doesn't know where to turn. I want to be there for her, I want to help her in whatever way I can but I don't know if letting her visit is the best idea. Thoughts are running through my head, she says she won't steal from me, lie to me, hurt me or bring any drugs with her (I didn't even ask her, she volunteered these words). She's a wonderful kind, loving, caring person while sober, but you know how our morals and values seem to disappear when we're using....
What should I do? How can I help her? Should I let her come stay with me for a few days? I really don't know what to do.
Thanks very much for your insight and support.
I'm new to recovery and I have 74 days 100% clean and sober. I went to impatient and upon discharge I was told to do many things if I wanted to remain sober. I have gone to multiple meetings a day and am doing the 90/90 (& more), I have a sponsor, I'm working the steps, I'm in Intensive Outpatient, I've got a sober social network, a sober housing situation, I pray and ask for guidance everyday, and for me things are working out really well as long as I keep working hard.
My predicament is, while in impatient I met many girls, several of whom I care about very deeply. I pray for them and for those still suffering everyday. I ask my higher power for the guidance to do the next loving thing, the next caring thing so that I may help others. Just now (2am), I got a call from a girl whom I had bonded with while in inpatient and she has relapsed and is asking for my help. She wants to come visit me, to get out of the tiny town she is in and the people she is surrounded by for a few days. She says she needs help and she doesn't know where to turn. I want to be there for her, I want to help her in whatever way I can but I don't know if letting her visit is the best idea. Thoughts are running through my head, she says she won't steal from me, lie to me, hurt me or bring any drugs with her (I didn't even ask her, she volunteered these words). She's a wonderful kind, loving, caring person while sober, but you know how our morals and values seem to disappear when we're using....
What should I do? How can I help her? Should I let her come stay with me for a few days? I really don't know what to do.
Thanks very much for your insight and support.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Welcome Yellow Beetle 
This might not be the answer you want, but maybe the best thing you can do is hand this girl over to someone with more sober time and experience than yourself.
It's really important that your recovery is strong before you can help someone else.
I've seen many a good soul try and help someone - and I've seen both people crash and burn.
The fact that she's young and vulnerable, and you're a young guy who's already thinking of 'disappearing morals' is another red flag here.
I'm sure you're a nice guy - but a hook up is probably not what either of you guys need right now.
Have you run this one past your sponsor?
D
This might not be the answer you want, but maybe the best thing you can do is hand this girl over to someone with more sober time and experience than yourself.
It's really important that your recovery is strong before you can help someone else.
I've seen many a good soul try and help someone - and I've seen both people crash and burn.
The fact that she's young and vulnerable, and you're a young guy who's already thinking of 'disappearing morals' is another red flag here.
I'm sure you're a nice guy - but a hook up is probably not what either of you guys need right now.
Have you run this one past your sponsor?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Bellingham,WA
Posts: 12
Thanks very much for your swift response. I want so badly to help her, but I know that I can't get her sober and I certainly don't want to jeopardize my recovery. We bonded in rehab but other than what we shared together there, I don't know her. I'll just continue to pray for her.
Oh, and I'm not looking for a hook-up. I'm a female!
Oh, and I'm not looking for a hook-up. I'm a female!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
YellowBeetleWA,
Congratulations on your clean time!
Do NOT jeopardize it by helping this girl! This spells disaster for you if you do that. Even the strongest of us in our own recovery would have a hard time with this one.
Sometimes it is the "rescuing" of people like her that hurt their prospects for recovery the most. If she's turning to somebody she doesn't even really know instead of her family, chances are she's run out of "free passes" from them, and your help is the last thing she needs. Don't do it.
FT
Congratulations on your clean time!
Do NOT jeopardize it by helping this girl! This spells disaster for you if you do that. Even the strongest of us in our own recovery would have a hard time with this one.
Sometimes it is the "rescuing" of people like her that hurt their prospects for recovery the most. If she's turning to somebody she doesn't even really know instead of her family, chances are she's run out of "free passes" from them, and your help is the last thing she needs. Don't do it.
FT
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1,125
I have been thru inpatient and outpatient several times and I remember making pacts with people saying we are going to stay sober together and help each other out. More times than not I would get calls from these vary same people drunk or high. One time I picked a guy up so we could go to a meeting together (at 9:30 AM) and he reeked like Vodka. Another time I picked up a guy for a meeting and we were both jonesing to get high so we talked each other into it. His drug was crack and mine was heroin - needless to say I smoked crack for the first time that day.
As much as I wanted to remain close with the people from treatment my experience has been it is best to just meet them at a meeting and leave it at that until I get some more time under my belt. I am in no position to be saving other people when I can barely help myself.
As much as I wanted to remain close with the people from treatment my experience has been it is best to just meet them at a meeting and leave it at that until I get some more time under my belt. I am in no position to be saving other people when I can barely help myself.
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