Heroin addiction. Just need some outside opinions
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 4
Heroin addiction. Just need some outside opinions
I didn't know whether to post here or the family and friends of drug addicts section, but decided I would do it here because I want the opinion of people who are drug addicts themselves to tell me what they think about the situation that I have just went through tonight. My spouse is addicted to heroin and it's been so bad lately that I didn't know what else to do and gave him an altimatum that he has to stop using for a week, else I have to step back. Because from what I've read about addiction, if an addict hasn't hit rock bottom, they won't stop using. And if he still has me, and his job, and a home to come to every day...why the hell should he stop, you know? So, maybe if he loses me it'll wake him up and he'll turn his life around. And then, once that happens, if he wants to fix things between us, I'll be up for it. But right now, I'm just at my wits end. Nothing I do works because in the end, I can't force him to get clean he has to make that choice himself, and he hasn't.
Anyway, this is what happened:
It was about 7 PM, I went to the bathroom first and made sure to look around for any suspicious material that would indicate he's been getting high, and then went upstairs to make dinner. I came downstairs for a few and one of our pet ferrets has gotten into the bathroom because he left the door open. We don't like them in the bathroom because they like to cause all kinds of havoc in there. So, I go in to get him, and as I'm about to pick him up, I notice a water bottle on the ground with its cap off next to the toilet. And, conveniently, the exact amount that would have been missing if he had put it into a needle, was missing from that bottle. Now, what he does is, he mixes the heroin with some water from a water bottle (because bottled water is purified), then sucks up the mixed solution into a needle and shoots it. So I say, "What the hell is this? This wasn't here before." And he tries to make me look like an idiot by saying it was there all day since yesterday. No the **** it wasn't. I've searched the entire bathroom for needles ever since he made me the promise that he wouldn't use for a week because I didn't trust him a tiny bit. And if that bottle had been there, I would have seen it. Hell, I would have seen it while I was in the bathroom before I went to make dinner. I would have seen it when one of our ferrets got into the bathroom earlier today and knocked over a trashcan that was standing right next to that bottle because he would have knocked over the bottle as well and spilled all the water...cause like I said the cap was off. So, instead of believing that he got high, I'm supposed to believe against my own better judgment that I must have imagined that bottle not being there before. And I'm supposed to believe that the ferret missed knocing the bottle over even though he knocks everything else over that he can possibly find. I'm supposed to believe that it just magically appeared there because I didn't bring it there, and nobody else in the house brought it there, so that just leaves him. And yet he still claims he has no idea how it got there. Now what I don't understnad is, how can he think that I'm so ******* stupid, that I would believe that ridiculous ******** he's trying to feed me? It's like dude, you ******* got caught. Be a man, and admit it. But no. He denies it, completely. And I can't deal with him taking me for a total moron. Cause every piece of evidence points to: he did it. Also, his eyes were red and he was pretty drowsy for most of the day.
So what do you guys think? He definitely used, right?
Anyway, this is what happened:
It was about 7 PM, I went to the bathroom first and made sure to look around for any suspicious material that would indicate he's been getting high, and then went upstairs to make dinner. I came downstairs for a few and one of our pet ferrets has gotten into the bathroom because he left the door open. We don't like them in the bathroom because they like to cause all kinds of havoc in there. So, I go in to get him, and as I'm about to pick him up, I notice a water bottle on the ground with its cap off next to the toilet. And, conveniently, the exact amount that would have been missing if he had put it into a needle, was missing from that bottle. Now, what he does is, he mixes the heroin with some water from a water bottle (because bottled water is purified), then sucks up the mixed solution into a needle and shoots it. So I say, "What the hell is this? This wasn't here before." And he tries to make me look like an idiot by saying it was there all day since yesterday. No the **** it wasn't. I've searched the entire bathroom for needles ever since he made me the promise that he wouldn't use for a week because I didn't trust him a tiny bit. And if that bottle had been there, I would have seen it. Hell, I would have seen it while I was in the bathroom before I went to make dinner. I would have seen it when one of our ferrets got into the bathroom earlier today and knocked over a trashcan that was standing right next to that bottle because he would have knocked over the bottle as well and spilled all the water...cause like I said the cap was off. So, instead of believing that he got high, I'm supposed to believe against my own better judgment that I must have imagined that bottle not being there before. And I'm supposed to believe that the ferret missed knocing the bottle over even though he knocks everything else over that he can possibly find. I'm supposed to believe that it just magically appeared there because I didn't bring it there, and nobody else in the house brought it there, so that just leaves him. And yet he still claims he has no idea how it got there. Now what I don't understnad is, how can he think that I'm so ******* stupid, that I would believe that ridiculous ******** he's trying to feed me? It's like dude, you ******* got caught. Be a man, and admit it. But no. He denies it, completely. And I can't deal with him taking me for a total moron. Cause every piece of evidence points to: he did it. Also, his eyes were red and he was pretty drowsy for most of the day.
So what do you guys think? He definitely used, right?
Clever Yak
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: ---
Posts: 4,360
We can tell you whatever you want, but ultimately it doesn't matter. You need to take care of YOU. You cannot control his addiction and making him admit that he used will not help him, it will not shame him or guilt him into getting clean. HE has to want to get clean, no matter what you say or do, it will not affect him until HE hits HIS bottom. I doubt he takes you for a moron, he just doesn't want to face up to the fact that he is addicted. And he wants to keep using so he's going to lie all day and night to keep using. He will lie straight to your face without blinking. He is in denial, he is probably already feeling guilty and ashamed of his actions but he won't show it because again...he wants to keep using. Promises mean nothing to addicts. Addicts will promise you they won't use, but if they want to use, they will find a way, and often they do.
So...my suggestion to you is that you read over on the friends and family board. Post there (not that you're not welcome here, but I have a feeling they can better serve you than we can). I also suggest you don't drive yourself crazy looking for drugs and needles and things, it will only make your life more hectic with worry and anger. I think you should follow through with your thoughts and talk of leaving him, you will regain your sanity much faster and he may or may not hit his bottom due to that.
You realize that he has not made the choice to get clean. So what are your boundaries with him? When will enough be enough? Perhaps attend a naranon or alanon meeting, they can be very helpful.
My father was a heroin addict, I have been on both sides of the coin now being an addict myself. I have been to alanon meetings before and found them to be quite supportive, you might find comfort there.
So...my suggestion to you is that you read over on the friends and family board. Post there (not that you're not welcome here, but I have a feeling they can better serve you than we can). I also suggest you don't drive yourself crazy looking for drugs and needles and things, it will only make your life more hectic with worry and anger. I think you should follow through with your thoughts and talk of leaving him, you will regain your sanity much faster and he may or may not hit his bottom due to that.
You realize that he has not made the choice to get clean. So what are your boundaries with him? When will enough be enough? Perhaps attend a naranon or alanon meeting, they can be very helpful.
My father was a heroin addict, I have been on both sides of the coin now being an addict myself. I have been to alanon meetings before and found them to be quite supportive, you might find comfort there.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi pleasehelpme 
None of us were there, or have been there through the other stuff. You know what you think happened.
He might be innocent but it sounds like you doubt it, and I think you have cause, based on your post.
I encourage you, like Jason said, to think about your future, think about boundaries and what you find acceptable and not acceptable.
I know you'll find a lot of support on SR and I really hope you'll also check out the FF section too
D
None of us were there, or have been there through the other stuff. You know what you think happened.
He might be innocent but it sounds like you doubt it, and I think you have cause, based on your post.
I encourage you, like Jason said, to think about your future, think about boundaries and what you find acceptable and not acceptable.
I know you'll find a lot of support on SR and I really hope you'll also check out the FF section too
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 4
All I want an answer to is, do you think, based on what I said, that he used?
That's why I posted it here. Family and friends wouldn't know the answer because they don't do the same things that drug addicts do.
That's why I posted it here. Family and friends wouldn't know the answer because they don't do the same things that drug addicts do.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi pleasehelpme
None of us were there, or have been there through the other stuff. You know what you think happened.
He might be innocent but it sounds like you doubt it, and I think you have cause, based on your post.
I encourage you, like Jason said, to think about your future, think about boundaries and what you find acceptable and not acceptable.
I know you'll find a lot of support on SR and I really hope you'll also check out the FF section too
D
None of us were there, or have been there through the other stuff. You know what you think happened.
He might be innocent but it sounds like you doubt it, and I think you have cause, based on your post.
I encourage you, like Jason said, to think about your future, think about boundaries and what you find acceptable and not acceptable.
I know you'll find a lot of support on SR and I really hope you'll also check out the FF section too
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by SpeedyJason
We can tell you whatever you want, but ultimately it doesn't matter. You need to take care of YOU. You cannot control his addiction and making him admit that he used will not help him, it will not shame him or guilt him into getting clean. HE has to want to get clean, no matter what you say or do, it will not affect him until HE hits HIS bottom. I doubt he takes you for a moron, he just doesn't want to face up to the fact that he is addicted. And he wants to keep using so he's going to lie all day and night to keep using. He will lie straight to your face without blinking. He is in denial, he is probably already feeling guilty and ashamed of his actions but he won't show it because again...he wants to keep using. Promises mean nothing to addicts. Addicts will promise you they won't use, but if they want to use, they will find a way, and often they do.
So...my suggestion to you is that you read over on the friends and family board. Post there (not that you're not welcome here, but I have a feeling they can better serve you than we can). I also suggest you don't drive yourself crazy looking for drugs and needles and things, it will only make your life more hectic with worry and anger. I think you should follow through with your thoughts and talk of leaving him, you will regain your sanity much faster and he may or may not hit his bottom due to that.
You realize that he has not made the choice to get clean. So what are your boundaries with him? When will enough be enough? Perhaps attend a naranon or alanon meeting, they can be very helpful.
My father was a heroin addict, I have been on both sides of the coin now being an addict myself. I have been to alanon meetings before and found them to be quite supportive, you might find comfort there.
So...my suggestion to you is that you read over on the friends and family board. Post there (not that you're not welcome here, but I have a feeling they can better serve you than we can). I also suggest you don't drive yourself crazy looking for drugs and needles and things, it will only make your life more hectic with worry and anger. I think you should follow through with your thoughts and talk of leaving him, you will regain your sanity much faster and he may or may not hit his bottom due to that.
You realize that he has not made the choice to get clean. So what are your boundaries with him? When will enough be enough? Perhaps attend a naranon or alanon meeting, they can be very helpful.
My father was a heroin addict, I have been on both sides of the coin now being an addict myself. I have been to alanon meetings before and found them to be quite supportive, you might find comfort there.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I meant nothing by it - certainly wasn't challenging your view.
You asked for opinions - I dislike giving opinions based on one post on people I don't know.
like I said - you know better than we would.
so what are you going to do now?
D
You asked for opinions - I dislike giving opinions based on one post on people I don't know.
like I said - you know better than we would.
so what are you going to do now?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
Originally Posted by PleaseHelpMe22
All I want an answer to is, do you think, based on what I said, that he used?
That's why I posted it here. Family and friends wouldn't know the answer because they don't do the same things that drug addicts do.
That's why I posted it here. Family and friends wouldn't know the answer because they don't do the same things that drug addicts do.
Let go and Let God!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
No one knows if he used or not.
I can tell you when I was using there was no way I would admit it to someone who was going to leave if I used. Part of my addiction was lying, sneaking, and doing anything I could to get that next high.
I am not sure why you told him he had to stop for a week. Even if he did stop for a week he would pick up where he left off.
You need to do what is best for you. You need to decide if you are going to stay with an active addict or not. No one can answer that for you.
I wish you the best of luck.
I can tell you when I was using there was no way I would admit it to someone who was going to leave if I used. Part of my addiction was lying, sneaking, and doing anything I could to get that next high.
I am not sure why you told him he had to stop for a week. Even if he did stop for a week he would pick up where he left off.
You need to do what is best for you. You need to decide if you are going to stay with an active addict or not. No one can answer that for you.
I wish you the best of luck.
You Have To Do It For Yourself
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by XbrenbrenX
if he was shooting dope, you would KNOW he had quit within half a day. He would be in withdrawal, hating life, and physically sick.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 76
Trust your gut.
Like others have said if your husband is an avid user there is no way that he will be able to quit without becoming dope sick for a few days.
I am sorry you are going through this....living nightmare.
Our youngest son (23) is an addict... and it is heart wrenching and pure HELL for all of us!!!
Like others have said if your husband is an avid user there is no way that he will be able to quit without becoming dope sick for a few days.
I am sorry you are going through this....living nightmare.
Our youngest son (23) is an addict... and it is heart wrenching and pure HELL for all of us!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
