ellie39

Hi - I'm new here and so far this is the only place I have found people who can relate to what I am going through and that will understand. I've reached a point where I desperately need to talk to someone and can't live with this anymore...but none of my friends or family will understand, nor do I want to admit that I am a pill-head to people that I care about. For the past 4 years I have had problems with stimulant addiction - first diet pills and more recently, ADD medication such as Adderall. My problems started way back in my early 20s (I'm 39 now) when I used speed and cocaine to excess for many years, but I finally left that lifestyle behind and never dreamed that I would start again with abusing prescription medication at this age. I have a wonderful husband and stepdaughter and they don't deserve to suffer my crazy ups and downs...I never have any energy for "real life" because all my energy goes into figuring out where to get more pills. I don't have my own prescription so I have to ask others for Adderall pills and it's getting humiliating, I am completely ashamed of myself for acting like an addict. I just don't find life "fun" without being high and I don't know how to learn to enjoy the normal, everyday things that I am so grateful for. I'm sick of going days on end without sleeping or eating and every time I end up sick and depressed and always resolve to quit....but then there will be another party, football game, whatever....and I can't imagine getting through it stone cold sober and my manic obsession with finding more pills starts all over again. Once I take one, it's over....I can't do anything in moderation, unfortunately. I start and I keep going until all the pills are gone. I just never thought I would end up like this and I just don't know how to find the willpower. Has anyone else been through a similar addiction? I wish I knew how to beat this thing and live a normal, healthy, happy life again. I appreciate any advice. Thanks so much for listening.

Geralt

Hang in there, you can beat this addiction! I had the same with benzo's (Valium, Xanax), trying to buy as many pills as possible, wasting money from family and friends, panicking when I was almost out of pills. Now I am almost "clean", I taped from 30 mg of Valium beginning of this year to 5 mg now. I hope to quit those horrible drugs by the end of November.

Make an appointment with your doctor and tell him honestly about your addiction. The depression you are experiencing could be one of the withdrawal symptoms of Adderall. It will be difficult, but you can do it! Good luck and welcome to this forum!