Ggeo

Yup...and it sucks...bad. Depression, lethargy, diarrhea. All made worse by the fact that I had a terrible falling out with my son and my husband ( not his father) yesterday. Don't want to go into details but let's say it had to do with them being very deceitful. They hurt me terribly. Great timing. It's good I don't have any Oxy because I'd definitely use...I don't know what else to say. Feeling awful.

dizzydolphin

Sorry to hear that. Thanks for posting it reminds me not to relapse. I've only been off 29 days. Hope you feel better soon.

Ggeo

I was thinking that as I posted. It should be a reminder to never ever relapse. So not worth it. Congratulations on the 29 days. That's fantastic. My mind is so muddled I don't know how long I was off until this last 3 week binge but I know it was over a month.

Stupid.

I think one of the worst things about withdrawal is knowing there is NOTHING AND NO ONE that can make you better. It's such an " alone" feeling. And I hate being alone as it is. Part of my depression. It's the worst feeling knowing you can't be helped. There's nowhere to turn. Not even going to the ER will help. You just have to tough it out.

Awful.

dizzydolphin

I know, it is horrible. But you know what you are in for and I'm sure you have people here to support you when you are lonely. I'm usually always online, just holla!

Stride34

Hang in there Ggeo

Spica

Glad to see you posting Ggeo! I know that some days (even weeks or more) are sometimes are harder than others. Sorry to hear you are having a bad time but very happy to hear that you are doing your best to stay clean and weather through it!!!

Ggeo

Thank you guys....I'm scared because every time I quit I think "This is it, I'm never going back". And then I do. Right now I'm feeling that way. I don't want to be a drug addict anymore. They are making me sick(er). How can I make this my last time? I don't know. I just don't.

Spica

Have you tried a local NA meeting? That has helped me with my "urges"...

Ggeo

No...right now, and I suspect for quite a few more days, it's all I can do to get up off the couch!

petiteboleyn

Ggeo, I second the idea of an NA meeting, but obviously when you are physically strong enough to go. Until then, just rely on whoever you need to (healthy people) to get you through. You can do this, I know it's hard...I started kicking opiates in the back of a car on a 6 hour ride. But just know...there are people out there who believe in you.

Falling off the wagon ain't no big deal, it takes a stronger person to get back on it. *hugs*

I'm here to talk if you need me.

Ggeo

I guess this is Day 2...? I took my last Oxy at 5pm on Sunday night. Maybe not Day 2 yet. Oxy must still be in my system because I slept last night. Who knows as I took some Gabapentin yesterday during the day and that always makes me tired. I also began to sweat badly last night and took some Clonidine. Also makes me drowsy. The last time I withdrew, just a month ago, the Gaba ( Neurontin) seemed to help a lot. Not so sure this time around. Feeling bad. Forced myself to take a shower this morning. Not much to report...just low energy and that surreal feeling. Everything's clearer..definite depression. I quit taking the Wellbutrin a few weeks ago because the Oxy makes it moot. I'm afraid to start up again as I had such a bad time with it this last time I started it. I don't know....I must stay off this crap fir good this time. Like someone on here said " I don't have any more Day One's in me".....

IWILLBFREE

You can do this Ggeo! I know it sucks. Sucks is an understatement actually, but you've made it through it before so you know you're capable! The Neurontin probably did help you sleep, I'd continue taking it if it were me. Wellbutrin seems to be either really good or really bad for people. Maybe your doc can switch you to something else to help with the depression?

Keep hanging in there...it's going to get better! I'll just reinforce the N/A idea, of course when you're feeling better though.

IWBF

Ggeo

Warning! Boring journal entry ahead....! Today is Day 3. Slept pretty well from the Gabapentin and not feeling too bad today. I guess the Gaba is working! My only symptoms right now are some lethargy(but not too bad), that weird surreal feeling I get withdrawing from opiates where everything is brighter and clearer, and that kinda strung out feeling I get from the Neurontin (Gabapentin). Not bad for Day 3. Part of me feels as if today I could apply a lot of mind over matter and actually maybe get some stuff done around the house. Wow..ok, we'll see. I know from past experience how I feel can change in a heartbeat.

A big Thank You to everyone here! This place, as always, is my lifeline.

PS anyone know where failedtaper is? I haven't seen her posting. Is she ok?

Spica

I hear you - it took me nine days to get out of bed to make it to my first meeting!!

Hang in there!!! It gets better!

Roxyblues

Walk. Walking always helped me with withdrawals. I used to tell a buddy if mine that as he would be jonsing and WDing 3 days out if the week and he finally tried it after he went to detox. He said it and then starting exercise again helped him immensly.

I think 70 percent of out withdrawals are mental. I have stopped benzos abruptly when younger and, not realizing their could be WD, I didn't feel any WDs.

My physical symptoms were gone last week (week two) before I decided to chip away at some opana pieces and then refill my Roxy script. My hands were steady, bowels okay, BP and pulse okay, no goose bumps and etc. Yet I had head ache, chills, RLS and general malaise. I would go workout for an hour and felt great when not lying around thinking about it. I swear I cause the symptoms by worrying about them.

I know of people who said they were not going to let WDs beat them ir get them down and kept a positive attitude who literally had very little in way of WDs after four or five days, yet me and my "I am scared to feel uncomfortable mind" linger on in withdrawals for three or four weeks. Unless you on methadone or bupe, I would bet most of our discomfort after 7 days centers in our mind, especially if your only doing 100 or 159 mg orally a day. Now dude taking 1000mg if Roxy for several years . . .

Talking to myself here, but we need to have a more positive attitude, accept our minds are ******* with us and tell ourselves we feel good and we are going to stay upbeat. Then stay active and keep busy and those endorphins will start flowing naturally again. The other option is stay on couch, know we are going to feel bad and feel bad for weeks. Start telling ourselves we feel good and be grateful and listen to some biurnal beat music to get those endorphins flowing. Eat a piece of chocolate or a hit pepper. Watch a funny movie. Cry in a friends shoulder. Just don't lay around thinking anything negative.

AEIOU

Hi Ggeo -

Just wanted to let you know that you are being thought of. I second what RoxyBlues says - funny movies and/or TV shows really help me when I feel down. For whatever reason, I feel alive when I laugh.

I am rooting for you - best of luck to you during this difficult time.

AEIOU

Ggeo

Roxy, I do believe what you're saying to a degree. Last time however when I quit for almost 2 months I was still not right. I did join the gym and was doing pretty good but was getting my energy from Wellbutrin but was still terribly depressed. For some of us old folks, who are not all that healthy to behind with (I'm almost one year out of chemotherapy for ovarian cancer) I think it takes much longer to feel better. Probably at least 6 months. I need to remind myself this over and over when the depression is still there in a few months so to not efn relapse again!

That said, the Gabapentin is definitely doing it's job. It's only Day 3 for me and I was able to do a thorough cleaning on the kitchen which was a mess and I'm going to start in on the laundry. This is normally impossible for me this early in the game. Very happy about this! Wow happy about being able to clean...sheesh...!

I'm definitely not discounting what you're saying at all though. I do believe a large part of it is mental, however I remember all too well withdrawals without Gaba were truly hell for me. I was sick as a dog for weeks not able to muster the strength to take a shower and when I did I had to sit down in there or I'd fall down.

Thank you AEIOU and RoxyBlues for posting. You've no idea how much it means to me!

Roxyblues

Haha, unfortunately, it only works if we believe. Our brains are so powerful and create such energy around us. If we gave positive thoughts and positive images of our selves, we feel better about ourselves and others are drawn to us. I have always been skeptical about the power if positive thinking, however, I am a firm believer in it as of late because I have seen how it works in my wife's life, read books on it and have seen how it has worked in my life.

Hang in there. Try to meditate and picture yourself doing and bring what you would like to be and be doing in the near future. Hold those positive images in your mind.

Roxyblues

Laughing stimulates natural endorphin production. Scary movies also help. Our production shuts down because if opiate use when we get off opiates. This is a big reason for WDs and PAWs.

Ggeo

Roxy, thank you my friend. I will do as you say. I actually feel like I COULD go ride my horse but I don't have the WANT. This is what I find hard to beat. I find no joy in the things I used to love to do when not on opiates. I can force myself to go riding however it is not fun. I'm generally just waiting for the whole thing to be over.

Unfortunately I felt this way 3 years ago before cancer and opiates. This is what really worries me. It was during cancer that I found opiates and I actually got back into horses during chemo. Oxy gave me that drive. It lifted my depression like no other antidepressant could. I know it's not the answer. Those days are over. You only get one short ride there..