What do you do when you cant run from your fears?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: phoenix, az
Posts: 1
What do you do when you cant run from your fears?
Hi, I am brand new here. I am a 36 yr old female,pretty much single (depending on my boyfriends mood that day) former adult entertainer. I was told yrs ago that i would never have a child. I was 22 then. Was in 3 long term relationships since then, yet never got pregnant which was no surprise. Then, this past august, it happens. I have been using pretty regularly since i was 30. It was how i coped, with life, with my past and I was ok with that i guess. So, now i'm pregnant, single, not american so i don't qualify for medical or any state help. for the most part, during my pregnancy i have been clean, however, i have used, it seems that i do so, when i am feeling particularly scared and i am feeling that even more as the days go on. I've always wanted a child but i am so scared that i cant do it on my own, and could not even fathom the idea of adoption that i am trying to do sabotage myself. Please don't get me wrong, i'm not an uncaring bitch that only wants to get high. I just don't know how to handle things in any other way other then running or plain numbing. My boyfriend (if that's what you would call him) was abusive, isn't even really supposed to talk to me at all but all he said was 1) go to Arkansas and get abortion 2) put the baby up for adoption or 3) stop my crying. I cannot do any of that's things. so what now? I'm sorry for rambling but I truly feel like the only way for anyone to understand is too know how everything ties in.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 379
Hey Hope, quick question - can you share what you were using and what is your typical dosage?
The biggest problem right now especially if pregnant is the health of the fetus. I am sure you know that you can set the baby up for all kinds of problems if you are using during pregnancy. One of my friends is an ER nurse and I have heard countless horror stories about this. Not trying to come down on you just want to see both of you come out of this healthy and alive...
If you feel that you need help to get off the drugs you may want to try to the local Salvation Army in your area - they should be able to find you a rehab or counseling place to help you change your lifestyle and should also have some info on places that do not need insurance, etc.
There are a ton of great people on this forum. When you are upset - try posting here instead of using. Someone will always jump on to talk to you.
Many of us used drugs to avoid the bad feelings in life and have found that we can actually deal better with life clean that we did when using...
Hope you stick around and take care of yourself!
The biggest problem right now especially if pregnant is the health of the fetus. I am sure you know that you can set the baby up for all kinds of problems if you are using during pregnancy. One of my friends is an ER nurse and I have heard countless horror stories about this. Not trying to come down on you just want to see both of you come out of this healthy and alive...
If you feel that you need help to get off the drugs you may want to try to the local Salvation Army in your area - they should be able to find you a rehab or counseling place to help you change your lifestyle and should also have some info on places that do not need insurance, etc.
There are a ton of great people on this forum. When you are upset - try posting here instead of using. Someone will always jump on to talk to you.
Many of us used drugs to avoid the bad feelings in life and have found that we can actually deal better with life clean that we did when using...
Hope you stick around and take care of yourself!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Go to Arkansas? Huh??? I would stay away from that area. Far away. Good recovery in Pheonix.
Takes courage to say what you said. You are dealing with very real issues. Not sure of your religious or philosophic views, but God or something blessed you with the opportunity to have a child. This is an excellent chance for you to turn your life around and find a higher purpose in life. Us addicts are way over sensitized to fear and I believe that is the root cause of our addiction which basically results from a mid brain over powering the reasoning power of our cortex. We tend to always believe in or see the worst.
Go to meetings and say you need help. You need support that is beyond what your boyfriend has to give you. Try to understand fears are not reality and everything works out. This is a great chance to start your life over. What is there to be afraid of really. Most of us has had to endure so much more than normal people will ever experience and yet we are still here fighting for our lives and believing deep down inside it can and will get better. For some weird reason I feel like you can make it through this and find more peace and happiness than you have ever known. Time to stop being aftaid and running. Using is the way we run. Just say **** it, tired of being afraid and letting fear make bad choices. The only way I know how to tell you to start is go to a meeting and open your mouth and your heart will follow. The rest of your path will then be revealed.
Takes courage to say what you said. You are dealing with very real issues. Not sure of your religious or philosophic views, but God or something blessed you with the opportunity to have a child. This is an excellent chance for you to turn your life around and find a higher purpose in life. Us addicts are way over sensitized to fear and I believe that is the root cause of our addiction which basically results from a mid brain over powering the reasoning power of our cortex. We tend to always believe in or see the worst.
Go to meetings and say you need help. You need support that is beyond what your boyfriend has to give you. Try to understand fears are not reality and everything works out. This is a great chance to start your life over. What is there to be afraid of really. Most of us has had to endure so much more than normal people will ever experience and yet we are still here fighting for our lives and believing deep down inside it can and will get better. For some weird reason I feel like you can make it through this and find more peace and happiness than you have ever known. Time to stop being aftaid and running. Using is the way we run. Just say **** it, tired of being afraid and letting fear make bad choices. The only way I know how to tell you to start is go to a meeting and open your mouth and your heart will follow. The rest of your path will then be revealed.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Welcome to SR Hopeforbetter
You;ll find a lot of support here - there's been some good advice here about seeing a Dr or accessing some kind of detox facility...I also think a recovery group - whether it's NA or something else, could really help you too. Real life support is very important.
I'd think about your relationship with your bf too - if he's abusive maybe you need to read some of this stuff?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
D
You;ll find a lot of support here - there's been some good advice here about seeing a Dr or accessing some kind of detox facility...I also think a recovery group - whether it's NA or something else, could really help you too. Real life support is very important.
I'd think about your relationship with your bf too - if he's abusive maybe you need to read some of this stuff?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
D
*Grateful*
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,619
Welcome Hope! We are here for you, thanks for sharing. Stay away from Arkansas and keep on posting on here. We all are here for one another. Congrats on the baby, it was a gift from God and he loves you!
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