LostinLaLaland

Wow people 56 views of my post last night and not one response!! My main thing right now is I am looking for advice on how to tell my parents about my drug use. Drank heavily from 18 thru 30, and not to much the last 2 years but when I do to excess, after all nothing exceeds like excess. Took up pot about 10 years ago and within a year or two I was an everyday smoker (never caused me any problems), at around 22 started with the coke and hit that pretty hard for 5 or 6 years (at one point about a half gram a month). Then pretty much lost most interest in that drug because of the paranoia. I won't say I have not done a bump in the last month but I don't seek it out it was just that a friend put one out for me so naturally I sucked that right up, that's gonna be the hard part is I will have to cut a few people out of my life, because our whole relationship consists on getting messed up (seriously I was talking to a friend of about 6 years and asked if he could ever remember a time when we hung out sober, he could not, and neither could I). Then I met my next love the opiates, which seemed so harmless just pop em and be done (although I can't say I haven't ground up a Roxy and snorted it, I even took a Roxy one time and ground it up and mixed in some coke, I call that a Roxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy, did about 3 of those bumps that night and only that night, but I have a friend who is way saner than me with the drug use one of those and he ended up puking all night because normal people can't do that, not bragging here I'm saying it in a negative way). Anyways except on rare occasions i've mostly stuck to hydrocodone for the last 3 years or so, It's really been downhill from there. Four jobs in 3 years, one I left but the other 3 fired including last Monday. Anyways I think the major inspiration behind me wanting to quit is financial at this point, but I hope it will grow into more of a life decision because I don't wanna waste anymore time away from my friends and family, I do the isolate thing too and these people surely do not deserve it, especially my parents who have always helped me when I needed it, including a few thousand dollars or the last years as I do the job revolving thing. So back to why I started this thread, yes my parents have been so supportive as they think I'm striving towards things, however, how will they feel when I tell them that the majortiy of their money just went in the garbage. At the same time I want to ask them to move home for a little while because well I can't afford rent and I don't think they will keep cutting me thousand dollar checks every month, they suggested I move home in April when I didn't have a job. My mom quit smoking 25 years ago and my pops is still a pretty active alcoholic I think although he hides it but that has always pretty much been the norm, also his brother has been clean and sober for a long time with the help of NA and maybe more help not sure. So they have a decent idea about addiction, but maybe not to my level. So maybe with all that info somebody will give me some good ideas on how to breach the subject, only have about 10 bucks left so gonna need some help in that way real soon and I don't wanna keep telling lies it's enough already. Please if anybody has some good advice or some inspirational thoughts do share, I greatly appreciate it!!

suki44883

Well, I don't really know how you tell someone that you've been using them all this time and now you're asking for more favors by wanting to move into their home because you've blown all the money they've been giving you on drugs.

I really don't mean to sound harsh, but looking at it from a parent's perspective (while admitting I know nothing of your relationship with them), I wouldn't be inclined to allow you to move into my home until you have proven that you are working hard on recovery. That being that you were already involved in a recovery program and have several months clean time.

You might consider contacting the Salvation Army. They have a very good FREE rehabilitation program. If you are in your 30s, isn't it time you started taking care of yourself instead of expecting your parents to keep giving?

Spica

Lost - I am right there with you...sorry you did not receive a reply sooner. Trust me - people do care on these boards. You are telling my story (except I did a **** ton more oxy....and I hate pot...)

I am slowly finding out that trying to cope with life by throwing substances in my brain only backfired. I, too, have lost jobs and isolated from everyone I have ever cared about.

I had to hit a very large bottom before I finally admitted that I was totally out of control. But here I am coming out the other side of a hard detox and starting to feel that life is doable again. For me personally I had to immerse myself in a culture of recovery and found amazing support and help in an NA group. While this may not be for everybody - for this recovering user, it has made all the difference in giving me hope.

I had to admit that I was not able to control my usage of anything I really liked (oxy and alchohol for me) - some days I could have a couple of glasses of wine (a lot more oxys) and then other days I would polish off a ton of vodka with another using buddy (and then throw in a couple of somas just for good measure).

It may be time to be honest and admit to your folks that you have a problem and are looking for a solution. I can only promise one thing - it does NOT get any better out there using!

It can get better if you work towards a solution and honesty is a big part of that (not always fun - I hate admitting when I am wrong - now I just have to suck it up and live with it).

Keep posting - there are amazing people on this board and if you stick around and share you will get to meet most of them!

tanja

Suki,

That is a pretty harsh post for someone who is seeking help. Lost, recommend being honest with your parents. You stated that your father is an alcoholic. I certainly believe that there is a genetic link to addicition. Posting on this web site is a very good start. Take it one day at a time. Try and find other ways to feel satisifed and fulfilled.

LostinLaLaland

Thanks to the few of you who responded just recently. Suki that was harsh but so true, hurt my heart a little because it's so raw but thanks nonetheless. I am looking into NA in my area and there are tons of them near me as im in LA drug capital of the country so I will defenitely be looking into that. I wil also try salvation army and see what they offer, do you have any idea what they do?? Ya I agree it's time to stop the lying starting with lying to myself. Im thinking about going back to school to get my masters to and maybe get out of the hospitality industry as their are tons of users there. I do want to do this on my own but literally have no job and no money currently but maybe some of your peeps have some idea's of how to go about this???

Spica

Lost, if you do not want to do this alone and have no money or insurance then the Salvation Army should be able to refer you to help as soon as you are ready.

I have met several people who were hopeless addicts who are now happy productive members of society - one just completed her master's degree which she couldn't seem to do when using.

More power to you - goals are good - but take it easy on yourself as you go through this...

suki44883

Salvation Army in Los Angeles, California - Treatment Centers Directory Drug/Alcohol Addiction Rehab


If they cannot help, they can probably refer you to someone who can.

Impurrfect

(((Lost))) - my dad found out about my crack addiction when I called him to ask me to bail me out of jail, as XABF#2 kept telling me he was "getting the money together" while throwing a HUGE party and sold everything I owned...including my dead mother's wedding ring, down to my vacuum cleaner. I used to see my stereo at one of my dealer's "trap".

I kept using for a few more years. My dad would come find me, every few months or so (I was about 1-1/2 hours away), get me lunch and we would eat in the park. I told him not to give me money, as I would spend it on crack. He'd still give me $5 so I could get cigarettes (and he's a reformed smoker!)

I got locked up, dad did put a little money on my books, limited the number of collect phone calls, and when I got out I thought I was through. I wasn't...relapsed for a couple of weeks over a year later, and caused SOOOO much pain to my family. At that time, I was living at home, thanks to the financial consequences of my addiction.

I came home, started applying for jobs and actually was allowed to work for the same company I'd been working for, just in another location (serving at a restaurant). It took a while, but I slowly built up trust in my family...had to answer the phone when they called (big sign I was using if I didn't answer the phone or call back).

It takes time, we've hurt our families and lost their trust, but we can build it back in most circumstances.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Spica

Thank you for sharing your story Impurrfect. I can so relate.

After I depleted my 401K I sold what little gold jewelry I had been given over the years. After that was gone, I started to look at a gold ring that I had given my son after we read LoTR together when he was little - and I knew then that I had become the very person I always said I would not be.

I am so grateful today that I stopped at that point and he still has that ring. I had literally gotten to the point where I was ready to do anything for the next oxy to avoid getting sick... I do not miss any of the jewelry but I sure do miss that 401K...

I have a lot of rebuilding to do but today I am beginning to realize that I can. Thank you for opening up and sharing your experience and hope - it means the world to me!!!

LostinLaLaland

How long were you supposed to be in jail for your crack habit? I had to spend a couple nights once but that seemed fine compared to coming out to my parents, although I wish I had cuz maybe i wouldn't be where I am now, but then again it didn't exactly work exactly right for you so who knows. I'm not sure how they will react once they will react to the betrayl but my past experiences says it might be OK. My dad has lied about drinking for years so he will kinda know what thats like I guess. Im happy to hear the strides you have made so keep trucking, find a program, I just located an NA meeting literally around the corner from my house tonight so I think I will hit it up and start the healing.

Happy Wishes!

Spica

Outstanding on the NA program - mine is only 2 miles from where I am.

It took me a while to find my footing there but as soon as people saw I was serious about a change in my life I have received a ton of support and hope!

If your Dad is working a program chances are he will welcome you back with open arms....

All the best to you AND KEEP POSTING!!

Impurrfect

(((Lost))) - I was in jail a few times. The first time, bail was only about $300 but XABF couldn't come up with it, as he was selling everything I owned for crack. I ended up with XABF#3, who I didn't even KNOW at the time, and he had offered to bond me out (owned a house at the time), but XABF#2 didn't want me out.

So, that time was 4 days. Then another time was one night. When I finally got busted for violation of probation (couldn't be bothered to SEE my PO as I was doing crack 24/7), I was locked up for almost 6 months. One month in county jail, the rest in a diversion center where I was "allowed" to work, but had to pay rent while in custody. I got out on Halloween day, 6 years ago. My story is in the "what is recovery" forum (I think that's what it's called).

One day, I was in total depression, wallowing in how I'd screwed up, etc. and my dad begged me to call my aunt (mom's sister). I did, and I am SOOO grateful as she has been a huge supporter of mine. I went to a cousin's wedding, last year, and all my cousins were just beaming. They really don't care to know all that I did, they just say "we're so glad you're back". Dad/stepmom know the gritty details..prostitution, and I had it thrown in my face a few times, but I finally told my dad I am NOT my past, I'm busting my a$$ to get my life back and I didn't want to hear it any more. He quit, but I had had some months at proving I was in recovery...working, coming home or letting them know if I was going to be late, paying bills, etc. Quite humbling, for someone who is now 50, but it worked. I was raised that you call if you're going to be late, show common courtesy, so though I felt like a teenager who wasn't quite trusted, I realized that was a consequence of my addiction, and I had to deal with that.

Today? I transfer money in my dad's accounts when he's on the road (he's an expediter), pay bills online, have both his and stepmom's PIN numbers to the debit cards. He leaves his wallet on the desk. The trust took some time, I won't deny that, but working recovery got me there.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

LostinLaLaland

My old roomate who grows copious amounts of herb (at least he did when I lived there), called me up seeing if I wanted a front on 50 hydrocodone 10's. I wasn't quite ready to tell him I was quitting yet, so politely declined after much inner turmoil. I was considering trying to find somone to turn them over too real quick seeing as I'm broke and he had them priced much lower then I could get, but I quickly realized that even before I got them to someone that I would have taken half of them, and then again possibly be screwing him out of cash. It was way tough to turn it away but Im glad he's gone now. Looks like ill probably have to cut him out of my life too, we haven't been exceptionally close since I moved out 15 months ago because I didn't like all the drug traffic, some peeps were cool but others way sketchy, but it still sucks cuz we have been friends for like 8 years, and he also likes to use as much as he sells so that's a volatile situation.

Thanks for reading Peeps!

Taking5

Lost - As to the specifics of your post, I cannot add to what has already been said here, but if you want more responses, use paragraphs. Who can read a wall of text? Seriously.

LostinLaLaland

Pretty surprising I think I may have slept like 8 hours or so and that feels pretty awesome. I've only been up for a short while but I feel pretty good really. Keep in mind I was taking about 15 hydrocodone 10's a day, sometimes about 10 at a time, and although that wasn't always my dose I've gone up over the past 3-4 years of abuse. Although I still feel pretty depressed, but that probably is partly due to the fact that I lost my job and it does not seem likely that I will be able to be self sufficent as I literally have zero dollars to my name now. It does not seem like I have the withdrawls and cravings as bad as most people, but I didn't take any last week from Tuesday thru Friday night then got crazy cravings and doped up for 2 days, and it now has me back at day 3 feeling alright.

Still not expecting this to be easy, I think this is the day that I need to go let my parents know about this problem and enlist their help, and I'm going to check out an NA meeting tonight around the corner from my house.

Anybody else have a great feeling day and then fall back into worse withdrawls the next day or is it possible that the worst of the physical is behind me??

Happy trails people!

LostinLaLaland

Well were in day 3, I don't feel to bad physically but I am a bit shaky. But I'm writing this before I head out to my first NA meeting, we shall see how that goes, I'm not much in the talking mood and the listing said participation, but I've never been a fearful speaker so I'll just power through.

Also called Salvation Army intake's for Rehab, two of them but was only allowed to leave a message so I hope they get back to me, but if they don't I will just keep calling.

I think I will get my parents involved tommorow after I have taken these first few steps just to show them I am serious and not just throwing some more lies at them.

Anyways wish me luck guys and i'll check in when I get back.

I feel good about this!!

Impurrfect

(((Lost))) even with years into recovery, when I've been really low on money (pretty much all the time), I've thought of getting crack and "turning it" to get cash. I quickly realized that 1) I'm too paranoid to do that, as I don't want to go back to jail, 2) I really don't want crack anywhere around me, and 3) the only d-boy I remain in touch with will NOT sell to me, and calls me occasionally to make sure I'm okay and still clean, tell me how proud he is of me, and that he loves me (not in THAT way - he was my XABF#3's nephew, so I call him MY nephew)...VERY supportive. Another dealer called me one time, told him I was done and he was like "hey girl, I aint mad..you didn't need to be on that **** anyway, go for it". So I was lucky.

Hope you get something from the meeting. I actually went to AA back when I did go to meetings..way more of them, and there were a lot of addicts who were there, we just never mentioned our DOC and said "picking up" instead of using. I've seen others who have great success with NA meetings.

I posted this on another thread but the depression and other feelings are because your brain is used to getting the "feel good" chemicals, and it takes a while for it to learn how to start making those chemicals again. It passes, promise.

Hope you have a great day!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Spica

I have been hitting my NA meetings for ~three weeks now. I still have not shared in a meeting but have met amazing people between and after the meetings and have shared my story with many of them and they all shared right back. Lots of horror stories and lots of recovery. Amazing to me. The relief of talking to another human being face to face about a common problem is unparalleled in my experience.

I was still shaking like a leaf when I hit my first meeting - I think I had been clean 8 or 9 days and it was a herculean effort to leave the house even for an hour. Right after the meeting one of the members looked at me, smiled and said, "You are detoxing. Been there. This is what you need to do in the next 12 hours." No deep NA messages just then – only how to hang on for the next few hours. I kept going back and it has been the best experience I have had since I allowed the oxy ride to take over my life.

fuster

Hello Mr./Ms. Lost:

The first two posts (Suki, Spica) are illustrative and I resonate with them both. And the rest of the posts should help illuminate you on this road you are starting.

Look, your parents need Al Anon if they want to get through this and really help you. But that is way too premature to recommend it to you, I am just saying that they likely will need some support and direction just to deal with how they will feel when they get the news you are about to give them. If you make it to a meeting and can ask someone about some Al Anon meetings for your family, I would suggest at least getting a name or the name, location and time for one of those meetings. Just keep it in your "back pocket" for later.

Regardless of the above, as others have so well put it, you can and probably should tell your parents, if you need to ask them if you can move in. This does not mean they will respond the way you want. Be prepared for a negative response. Stop trying to control the outcome or their reaction, because you can't. This is bad news for any parent, and maybe you do have to go ahead and tell them about the money wasting issues too, but if they do not agree to take you in, you have to respect that and be prepared for another way to live for now and survive.

All is not lost, and this is not a gloom and doom message as one person in this thread seems to suggest. Recovery means taking some difficult steps at the beginning. At least it did for me. Bad things happened to me the first 5 years of my recovery. More severe crises and setbacks than I had experienced in my entire life prior to getting into recovery (which was 35+ years). One person suggests the Salvation Army. Good suggestion. I have a friend from my CA meeting on Mondays that got into recovery (after a few failed attempts) by going to the Salvation Army because he had no where to live. He became homeless because of his crack addiction. He got help there and he is living a successful life of recovery now.

Your relationships with your family will mend after you get into recovery and you "walk the walk" and "walk the talk", and prove by your behavior over a long period of time that you have changed for the better and that they can trust you. You have to remember that all addicts and alcoholics cause collateral damage to their friends and family. At first there will be a heavy backwash over you from their reactions. If your parents do not take you in now, there is always the chance they will later. Count this as one of the blessings of being in recovery and working a spiritual program every day.

Another resource is, at least if you enter treatment, Oxford Houses. These are clean and sober houses that are good places for a lot of folks early in recovery.

It is hard to do what you are about to do. I suggest you find a friend to go with you. Do you have a supportive friend/relative that could accompany you to tell your parents? That would really help.

fuster

I guess I messed up and did not answer the question: how to tell your parents?

No right way, no wrong way to do this. Go talk to that uncle who has been in recovery, get some advice, take a big gulp, and go with him to tell your folks. Just tell them, don't try to prepare a speech, because it just comes across as phony. You want to appear completely humble and up front, no matter what you think they will do.