Parents Were Not Capable of Loving Us
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Parents Were Not Capable of Loving Us
I'm a member of another Adult Child group and got this quote in the mail last week.
It's from "Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" by John Friel and Linda Friel.
It's so hard to give up the dream that there was something I could do to force my parents to love me the way that I wanted to be loved. However, I know that accepting this fact will lead to my further recovery.
Still can't believe 100% that it wasn't my fault ...
Thank you for letting me share.
db
It's from "Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" by John Friel and Linda Friel.
"The pain of admitting that our parents were not capable of loving us (in perfect, healthy ways) is much greater than the pain of believing that we were "bad" and didn't deserve love. And so we remain foreclosed, until the pain becomes so great that we must change. In other words our symptoms, our addictions and our pain are really our allies. They tell us when the Little Child Within has had enough and wants some help to grow up."
I'm in my late forties and I got tears in my eyes when I read this passage. It's amazing how deep this pain can be.It's so hard to give up the dream that there was something I could do to force my parents to love me the way that I wanted to be loved. However, I know that accepting this fact will lead to my further recovery.
Still can't believe 100% that it wasn't my fault ...
Thank you for letting me share.
db
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Columbia MO
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Man that quote is scary and close to the bone, thank you for sharing it with us.
You just always think, if I could have done this or that better, it's so damn hard to let it be someone elses fault.
Best of luck to you.
You just always think, if I could have done this or that better, it's so damn hard to let it be someone elses fault.
Best of luck to you.
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Originally Posted by dbh 
...It's so hard to give up the dream that there was something I could do to force my parents to love me the way that I wanted to be loved. ....
Originally Posted by dbh
... However, I know that accepting this fact will lead to my further recovery.....
Originally Posted by dbh
... Still can't believe 100% that it wasn't my fault ....
Mike
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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As far back as I can remember I never thought I did anything wrong and I never cared if they loved me or not. I never even wanted them to love me. I just wanted for them to leave me alone and for me to leave when I could. I wonder if this is because being the fifth in six kids I saw them beat the others for no reason and was horrified from birth. I always wonder why people care if their parents love them or not. Why would I want such monsters loving me? They don't have the capacity to love us, this is true. Conversely I have never felt loved by others either. When you grow up unloved it's hard to accept or know love from others.
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Kialua,
I understand what you mean, I have been married to the most wonderful woman for 13 years, and I still struggle with the fact the she loves me uncondidtionally, all this time I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop, to find out that it has been a wonderful dream.
I understand what you mean, I have been married to the most wonderful woman for 13 years, and I still struggle with the fact the she loves me uncondidtionally, all this time I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop, to find out that it has been a wonderful dream.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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The quote hits so close to home. Even now in my late 30's I still wonder what I did to make them think I wasn't good enough and there was a time I believed I wasn't good enough. Now I know better even if they will never be proud of me I am proud of myself. Though I sill catch myself falling back in to the role of kid again and want the praise I so longed for. The hardest habit I have ever tried to break.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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"good enough"
That's a phrase I hate!
It was used throughout my childhood. Everything was "good enough for you", which I took to mean that "it wasn't great, but I didn't deserve anything better". Even now I cringe or catch my breath when I hear it, and for sure, I NEVER said it to my kids!
That's a phrase I hate!
It was used throughout my childhood. Everything was "good enough for you", which I took to mean that "it wasn't great, but I didn't deserve anything better". Even now I cringe or catch my breath when I hear it, and for sure, I NEVER said it to my kids!
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Thank you doublewhammy, she tells me that alot, but man it just bounces off my thick skull, of course I discount some of it becuase the guy she was married to before would make most any man look good.
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Originally Posted by Willybluedog
Thank you doublewhammy, she tells me that alot, but man it just bounces off my thick skull, of course I discount some of it becuase the guy she was married to before would make most any man look good.
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