Withdrawing from Heroin - Starting now - Progress Report
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 9
Withdrawing from Heroin - Starting now - Progress Report
Well. Here I go. (I moved this from the "Newcomer" Forum as advised)
From the quick responses there, I look forward the the experience, strength and hope
I am trying the "DIY" detox. Unfortunately, I really would like to do the medical detox (i.e. suboxone), but I cannot put my wife through this again. She does not know that I picked up again.
I am sick of the lying, but I will do it one more time and say that the ugly withdrawal that I am about to start feeling is the flu. Unfortunately, this flu can very quickly be made better with a shot of junk. I judt need to remember that by doing that, its just prolonging the inevitable. Even to add to the lying, I have a sponsor in AA, he doesn't even know that I picked up again. Although my home group is probably wondering why I haven't picked up any "time chips".
I really hate it. The benefits of using (freedom from anxiety and depression) do not outweigh the bad stuff anymore. The lying, the risks to my health, the law breaking, the job suffering, the marriage problems, I can increase this list ad-nauseum!
I have stocked up on diphenhydramine (Benedryl) for the eye and nasal discharge, naproxyn for the pain, and loperimide for the awful intestinal discomfort about to start in a few hours. This is going to be hell, but I am looking forward to it in that this will (God-willing) be the last time!
Dopeman's number is out of my phone (this is, of course, symbolical - any heroin addict will know that number or get it back, even if its in a house thats burning down)
This website is also new to me, but I see allot of good sobriety here, so I want to document my struggle these next few days. Yes, I will also be working (office job) so any experience, strength, and hope will be greatly appreciated!
Well, the wife just came in - So I gotta go. Its been 4 hours since my last (hopefully ever) shot. I really feel sad whenever I see her now. My life is a big lie!!
I will be making updates to this often - Mainly to report symptoms and also to try to stay accountable. Something and addict like myself is horrible at!
Thanks, and I hope that this will stick this time.
From the quick responses there, I look forward the the experience, strength and hope
I am trying the "DIY" detox. Unfortunately, I really would like to do the medical detox (i.e. suboxone), but I cannot put my wife through this again. She does not know that I picked up again.
I am sick of the lying, but I will do it one more time and say that the ugly withdrawal that I am about to start feeling is the flu. Unfortunately, this flu can very quickly be made better with a shot of junk. I judt need to remember that by doing that, its just prolonging the inevitable. Even to add to the lying, I have a sponsor in AA, he doesn't even know that I picked up again. Although my home group is probably wondering why I haven't picked up any "time chips".
I really hate it. The benefits of using (freedom from anxiety and depression) do not outweigh the bad stuff anymore. The lying, the risks to my health, the law breaking, the job suffering, the marriage problems, I can increase this list ad-nauseum!
I have stocked up on diphenhydramine (Benedryl) for the eye and nasal discharge, naproxyn for the pain, and loperimide for the awful intestinal discomfort about to start in a few hours. This is going to be hell, but I am looking forward to it in that this will (God-willing) be the last time!
Dopeman's number is out of my phone (this is, of course, symbolical - any heroin addict will know that number or get it back, even if its in a house thats burning down)
This website is also new to me, but I see allot of good sobriety here, so I want to document my struggle these next few days. Yes, I will also be working (office job) so any experience, strength, and hope will be greatly appreciated!
Well, the wife just came in - So I gotta go. Its been 4 hours since my last (hopefully ever) shot. I really feel sad whenever I see her now. My life is a big lie!!
I will be making updates to this often - Mainly to report symptoms and also to try to stay accountable. Something and addict like myself is horrible at!
Thanks, and I hope that this will stick this time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 9
My AA sponsor just called me, asking about where I have been. I said I have "been busy with work". What a freaking liar I am. All I can do is look forward to when I can tell the truth again. I am SO nervous about this, but I really want to make it work this time! I'm so sick of being a slave to the needle. It sucks!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 142
I quit heroin a few weeks ago. It can be done my friend.
I never recommend quitting cold turkey. I personally could never do it. Buy some suboxone (legally of course
) and do a quick taper. If you want a good quick taper I'll give you the schedule that worked for me personally.
You will still feel all the post-acute withdrawal stuff...which in my opinion sucks worse than the immediate withdrawals cause they last so long!
Getting clean is much easier than staying clean. I have quit way too many times only to find myself using within a few weeks. You should tell everyone the truth. You simply won't be able to do this alone. Will power is almost never enough.
The reason you're probably not telling anyone may be because your subconscious still may not be ready to quit. If you tell everyone it means you can no longer continue to use without consequences. Our minds are tricky that way. Consciously we may decide to quit, but at a deeper level all we want to do is use. My advice is to decide whether or not you really want to quit. And by that, I don't mean you want to quit because of an impediment making it hard to use (family, money, connects, etc). We're addicts, impediments will never stop us from using. You need to truly want to quit or it will never work. I have "decided to quit" many times simply because it seemed to be the easier choice, but it never lasts until you truly want sobriety. You have to quit for you. You cannot quit simply because it got hard to find dope. Many people do not understand that.
If you have truly decided to quit, I advise you to be honest with your wife and your sponsor. She may leave you. You are denying her right to have the truth. That just isn't right and it will do nothing but harm to both of you.
I wish you nothing but the very best and I hope you get and stay clean. Don't use, period. It's hard but it is only really hard when you think it's impossible.
In my experience, withdrawals are made much worse by your thoughts. If you have no desire to use, withdrawals are much better. The very worst withdrawals are when you absolutely want to use but can't. Anxiety makes physical withdrawal symptoms seem 100x worse. Anxiety is why people experience PAWS. I highly recommend that you get anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressant medications (not a benzo for anxiety) and get them under control. Most people use to get rid or depression or anxiety. Or in my case, both.
I never recommend quitting cold turkey. I personally could never do it. Buy some suboxone (legally of course
) and do a quick taper. If you want a good quick taper I'll give you the schedule that worked for me personally. You will still feel all the post-acute withdrawal stuff...which in my opinion sucks worse than the immediate withdrawals cause they last so long!
Getting clean is much easier than staying clean. I have quit way too many times only to find myself using within a few weeks. You should tell everyone the truth. You simply won't be able to do this alone. Will power is almost never enough.
The reason you're probably not telling anyone may be because your subconscious still may not be ready to quit. If you tell everyone it means you can no longer continue to use without consequences. Our minds are tricky that way. Consciously we may decide to quit, but at a deeper level all we want to do is use. My advice is to decide whether or not you really want to quit. And by that, I don't mean you want to quit because of an impediment making it hard to use (family, money, connects, etc). We're addicts, impediments will never stop us from using. You need to truly want to quit or it will never work. I have "decided to quit" many times simply because it seemed to be the easier choice, but it never lasts until you truly want sobriety. You have to quit for you. You cannot quit simply because it got hard to find dope. Many people do not understand that.
If you have truly decided to quit, I advise you to be honest with your wife and your sponsor. She may leave you. You are denying her right to have the truth. That just isn't right and it will do nothing but harm to both of you.
I wish you nothing but the very best and I hope you get and stay clean. Don't use, period. It's hard but it is only really hard when you think it's impossible.
In my experience, withdrawals are made much worse by your thoughts. If you have no desire to use, withdrawals are much better. The very worst withdrawals are when you absolutely want to use but can't. Anxiety makes physical withdrawal symptoms seem 100x worse. Anxiety is why people experience PAWS. I highly recommend that you get anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressant medications (not a benzo for anxiety) and get them under control. Most people use to get rid or depression or anxiety. Or in my case, both.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi salvelinus,
You are taking a rough road to do this alone, in silence. One thing I learned is that addiction thrives in secret. Recovery in secret is not as likely to succeed as recovery with support. You may believe your wife doesn't know what you have been doing, but likelier than not she knows something has been wrong. If you've been lying to use, and now you're continuing to lie in order to recover in secret, where has the trust gone in that relationship? If you were my husband, I would prefer honesty over continued lies. After you've been sick a few days and she finds out then, I'd be surprised to hear that she didn't wish she knew sooner so she could have helped you stay clean and helped your in your physical suffering. Not to mention getting you medical care if this withdrawal turns into an emergency.
That's the other part. I hope you have a doc who has pronounced you in good health. Withdrawal is rough at best, and worse if your health has deteriorated. Be careful.
FT
You are taking a rough road to do this alone, in silence. One thing I learned is that addiction thrives in secret. Recovery in secret is not as likely to succeed as recovery with support. You may believe your wife doesn't know what you have been doing, but likelier than not she knows something has been wrong. If you've been lying to use, and now you're continuing to lie in order to recover in secret, where has the trust gone in that relationship? If you were my husband, I would prefer honesty over continued lies. After you've been sick a few days and she finds out then, I'd be surprised to hear that she didn't wish she knew sooner so she could have helped you stay clean and helped your in your physical suffering. Not to mention getting you medical care if this withdrawal turns into an emergency.
That's the other part. I hope you have a doc who has pronounced you in good health. Withdrawal is rough at best, and worse if your health has deteriorated. Be careful.
FT
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