View Poll Results: How many people will sucuessfully kick their addiction?
0%
1
1.35%
10%
25
33.78%
25%
27
36.49%
50%
15
20.27%
75%
4
5.41%
100%
2
2.70%
Voters: 74. You may not vote on this poll
Secret Addictions
3%
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 124
Secret Addictions
Hello all and welcome. I started this thread for anyone who has an addiction they've been hiding from family or other loved ones. First off, I have to say it is always best to be truthful and admit we need help. Family is family and they will love you and help you no matter what. Thats what they are there for, love and support. They will help you if you let them. But for some, like me this just wasn't an option. Due to some problems in the past involving family members and pill addictions, my fathers profession, and my own personality disorders I kept it a secret. I certainly could have told them, but in my mind at the time it simply just was not going to happen. If you're in the same boat, whatever the circumstances, I'm here to help you deal with it and kick the stuff on your own; the hardest way.
I was addicted to roxys for about 5 years. At the time I was living with my parents. I would lie, cheat, and steal from anyone and everyone I could to support my habit. I never told them about my problem. Anyway I got sick of that life, I had to quit and the only way I felt I could was cold turkey. Asking for help would be admitting my problem to everyone and I couldn't let that happen. 5 months later and I am clean and sober. I never looked back. My road to recovery was in my opinion, the hardest, loneliest and statistically the least successful route there is. But I proved them wrong and I'm here to share my experiences, my opinions and lend any help I can to anyone handle a secret addiction. You can do it, and I will help you beat the odds just as I did. Step by step.
anyone else have a secret they need to get off their chest?
I was addicted to roxys for about 5 years. At the time I was living with my parents. I would lie, cheat, and steal from anyone and everyone I could to support my habit. I never told them about my problem. Anyway I got sick of that life, I had to quit and the only way I felt I could was cold turkey. Asking for help would be admitting my problem to everyone and I couldn't let that happen. 5 months later and I am clean and sober. I never looked back. My road to recovery was in my opinion, the hardest, loneliest and statistically the least successful route there is. But I proved them wrong and I'm here to share my experiences, my opinions and lend any help I can to anyone handle a secret addiction. You can do it, and I will help you beat the odds just as I did. Step by step.
anyone else have a secret they need to get off their chest?
Recovering Addict
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Southeast
Posts: 66
To all the lurkers, Thenfb is right!!! Tell a friend, a loved one. I, too, was addicted to roxys/oxys for a little over three years, and thirteen days ago I hit my rock bottom, no pills no money and withdrawls from hell. It was that day that I quit my job(my access,ft.) and I told my mom, who I live with, that I was an addict and I needed help. I also told my boyfriend my secret. The drug was controlling me, and I will NEVER allow that again as long as I live & breathe.
Don't be scared, if you need help we're here, we understand, you will not be judged because we have all been there<3
Don't be scared, if you need help we're here, we understand, you will not be judged because we have all been there<3
TheMostSordidSpotOnEarth
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ParadiseOnEarth
Posts: 811
I was smoking heroin for the last 6 years of my addiction. The only people in the world that knew about it were my boyfriend at the time, who had introduced me to it and supplied us with the drugs, and a few dealers I had known over the years, who would come to the house. I was very, very good at hiding it. I was so ashamed that I couldn't even call it what it was -- we called it by a name for hashish, and referred to the methadone my boyfriend would buy it off those same dealers as "medicine." I hid my using from many psychologists and psychiatrists. At one point in my using career, I was even smoking measured amounts of heroin before my appointments, and he still didn't know -- he just prescribed me more drugs, including Xanax, anti-depressants and sleeping pills. I was lying to everyone about it, but most of all I was lying to myself.
I isolated, I hid, and I started by getting clean on my own too. Over the weeks, looking at the devastation my addiction had caused me, I decided to accept help from other addicts. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had worked so hard, I thought, to hide my addiction, and now that I was clean I was going to tell people about it? I was so embarrassed and so ashamed. But I didn't want to die, and I knew there was too much at risk. Today I know my pride could have killed me.
My family still didn't know. They were thousands of miles away, thanks to another "geographical" on my part, and all along I had more or less just been telling them what they wanted to hear, and cleaning up when we were together. Especially because of their professions and social standing, I thought they would disown, hate, and be unforgivingly disappointed in me if they knew. I spent the first year and a half covering up my recovery.
Then I met someone who, during inventory, referring to my amends, showed me an entirely different way of looking at it. He said, "Give your father his daughter back. Give your mother her daughter back. Give your sister her sister back. Stop withholding yourself from them because of your resentments. Give them their intuition back. Give them the truth." It was my choice. It was not easy to work up the courage to do it, but when I heard him say it, I knew he was right.
So I did. With love, I told them the truth. I became an open book. I stopped lying. They cried, but you know what they have said, over and over again? They are so grateful. They knew something was wrong, but they didn't know what it was. They did get me back, and they did get their intuition back too. I have started having completely different relationships with them -- as in real relationships, not based on lies -- and this has come as the most incredible gift. They have been loving, caring and supportive where I thought they would hate me. They have been patient and understanding in ways I had never expected. Just one of the gifts of recovery: I've gotten my family back. It makes me tear up with gratitude just to think about it.
Who else didn't know? My friends. I've gone to them with the truth too, so they understand why I disappeared from their lives. I love them, and I always have. I just couldn't be there for anyone anymore. Today I step up. Today I will share anything about my life and journey to getting well whenever it has the ability to be useful -- helping others like me, if they want it.
I isolated, I hid, and I started by getting clean on my own too. Over the weeks, looking at the devastation my addiction had caused me, I decided to accept help from other addicts. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had worked so hard, I thought, to hide my addiction, and now that I was clean I was going to tell people about it? I was so embarrassed and so ashamed. But I didn't want to die, and I knew there was too much at risk. Today I know my pride could have killed me.
My family still didn't know. They were thousands of miles away, thanks to another "geographical" on my part, and all along I had more or less just been telling them what they wanted to hear, and cleaning up when we were together. Especially because of their professions and social standing, I thought they would disown, hate, and be unforgivingly disappointed in me if they knew. I spent the first year and a half covering up my recovery.
Then I met someone who, during inventory, referring to my amends, showed me an entirely different way of looking at it. He said, "Give your father his daughter back. Give your mother her daughter back. Give your sister her sister back. Stop withholding yourself from them because of your resentments. Give them their intuition back. Give them the truth." It was my choice. It was not easy to work up the courage to do it, but when I heard him say it, I knew he was right.
So I did. With love, I told them the truth. I became an open book. I stopped lying. They cried, but you know what they have said, over and over again? They are so grateful. They knew something was wrong, but they didn't know what it was. They did get me back, and they did get their intuition back too. I have started having completely different relationships with them -- as in real relationships, not based on lies -- and this has come as the most incredible gift. They have been loving, caring and supportive where I thought they would hate me. They have been patient and understanding in ways I had never expected. Just one of the gifts of recovery: I've gotten my family back. It makes me tear up with gratitude just to think about it.
Who else didn't know? My friends. I've gone to them with the truth too, so they understand why I disappeared from their lives. I love them, and I always have. I just couldn't be there for anyone anymore. Today I step up. Today I will share anything about my life and journey to getting well whenever it has the ability to be useful -- helping others like me, if they want it.
TheMostSordidSpotOnEarth
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ParadiseOnEarth
Posts: 811
Btw, I'm not sure what the poll is about with reference to the thread, but what I keep seeing for long term success rates (of just 15 years or so), including in the rooms, is usually 3-5%.
Most addicts die from their disease in one way or another, even if addiction isn't what you see on the coroner's report.
I am always looking for more reputable statistics on this, so I would be grateful for anyone who can share their sources for this (often difficult to quantify) info.
Most addicts die from their disease in one way or another, even if addiction isn't what you see on the coroner's report.
I am always looking for more reputable statistics on this, so I would be grateful for anyone who can share their sources for this (often difficult to quantify) info.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: land of sunshine and pill mills
Posts: 272
Originally Posted by SteppingItUp 
Btw, I'm not sure what the poll is about with reference to the thread, but what I keep seeing for long term success rates (of just 15 years or so), including in the rooms, is usually 3-5%.
Most addicts die from their disease in one way or another, even if addiction isn't what you see on the coroner's report.
I am always looking for more reputable statistics on this, so I would be grateful for anyone who can share their sources for this (often difficult to quantify) info.
Most addicts die from their disease in one way or another, even if addiction isn't what you see on the coroner's report.
I am always looking for more reputable statistics on this, so I would be grateful for anyone who can share their sources for this (often difficult to quantify) info.
I have to be or else I'll die.
I also appreciated your post about telling your parents. I had a sit down with mine last week and they knew something was wrong they just didn't know what. I didn't tell them it was oxy's but I'm absolutely sure my Dad knows it was drugs. He's made plenty of references as such.
I want to give myself back to my family and especially my children.
I thought my pills/oxy's were a secret. I think we all can safely say I've established that it was NOT a secret. Some knew it was oxy's. Others not but they knew it was something really bad.
Seeing people now....having them see me clean is a huge wake up call to just how bad I was. It's scary. Really scary. And wonderful to have them look at me so relieved and happy.
I'm not sure I have any secrets left.
Thank the Universe.
3%
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 124
Hey guys,
Steppingitup that is indeed a great inspirational experience. I was in a similar boat with the oxy. I tend to be as distant from others as I could get. And that included my parents. I lived with them under the same roof all through my addiction and would hardly speak a word to them. The pills only made it easier. When it got really bad and out of control they would even ask me outright if I had a pill problem and if I needed help. And still I would deny it. In the past my aunt was dating an addict and ultimately he ended up stealing off my parents to get his drugs. He stole their priceless jewelry passed down through my family for generations, as well as write himself checks from their checkbook. I saw all the anger, all the hurt this caused my family. Then I found myself doing the same thing. That's when I knew I was out of control and I had to stop. If not for my sake then for the sake of my family. My parents are also socially prominent in the community and my father is a long time sheriff and lawyer. All these things combined along with bad social anxiety from years of hiding myself from everyone and numbing myself with drugs, made it seem unfathomable to come out and ask for help. I never did, and while I did get clean I still regret the worry, the lies, the stealing and the pain I put my parents through. I stil can't get close to them, I can't explain why. Its not the drugs anymore, its something in my personality that refuses to let me get close to anyone at all. I would love to get therapy but that is going to be tough. If I can't talk to my parents, how will I ever talk to a stranger about my experiences. Until I do I'll come here, where I can open up and tellpeople who will get it, and have been there. Thanks guys, keep sharing.
P.s. I kinda juss stuck the poll up there to motivate ppl to be that 3%. Also I don't know how to delete it. Lol
Steppingitup that is indeed a great inspirational experience. I was in a similar boat with the oxy. I tend to be as distant from others as I could get. And that included my parents. I lived with them under the same roof all through my addiction and would hardly speak a word to them. The pills only made it easier. When it got really bad and out of control they would even ask me outright if I had a pill problem and if I needed help. And still I would deny it. In the past my aunt was dating an addict and ultimately he ended up stealing off my parents to get his drugs. He stole their priceless jewelry passed down through my family for generations, as well as write himself checks from their checkbook. I saw all the anger, all the hurt this caused my family. Then I found myself doing the same thing. That's when I knew I was out of control and I had to stop. If not for my sake then for the sake of my family. My parents are also socially prominent in the community and my father is a long time sheriff and lawyer. All these things combined along with bad social anxiety from years of hiding myself from everyone and numbing myself with drugs, made it seem unfathomable to come out and ask for help. I never did, and while I did get clean I still regret the worry, the lies, the stealing and the pain I put my parents through. I stil can't get close to them, I can't explain why. Its not the drugs anymore, its something in my personality that refuses to let me get close to anyone at all. I would love to get therapy but that is going to be tough. If I can't talk to my parents, how will I ever talk to a stranger about my experiences. Until I do I'll come here, where I can open up and tellpeople who will get it, and have been there. Thanks guys, keep sharing.
P.s. I kinda juss stuck the poll up there to motivate ppl to be that 3%. Also I don't know how to delete it. Lol
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
This is definately thought provoking. I feel stupid for recently quitting my job, but I know if I didn't take a break I would keep using. I don't think it matters what percentage doesn't get clean, maybe they never truly do the work (not that I am one to speak on it...still detoxing), I would like to think that all of us who try hard enough and put our heart into it will succeed.
3%
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 124
Hey D,
Actually I can vouch for you there. When I started using I had a pretty good job. Upon starting withdrawls I too left it behind, I also felt I had to. When I got clean I went back to the job. The problem was that while I had changed it had not. I am positive that if I were to ever relapse it would have been at that point. I needed something different. I dont know if the situations are exactly the same or not but the fact remains; sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I don't regret it.
Also solid point on the mindset required to quit. Many can stop but to quit I think you really need to make it up in your mind that you are done with it. I think we've all been there, hopefully still are.
Is it possible to delete the poll? I think it might also be confusing to guests, thinking its just a poll instead of a thread.
Actually I can vouch for you there. When I started using I had a pretty good job. Upon starting withdrawls I too left it behind, I also felt I had to. When I got clean I went back to the job. The problem was that while I had changed it had not. I am positive that if I were to ever relapse it would have been at that point. I needed something different. I dont know if the situations are exactly the same or not but the fact remains; sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. I don't regret it.
Also solid point on the mindset required to quit. Many can stop but to quit I think you really need to make it up in your mind that you are done with it. I think we've all been there, hopefully still are.
Is it possible to delete the poll? I think it might also be confusing to guests, thinking its just a poll instead of a thread.
Recovering Addict
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Southeast
Posts: 66
I, too, left my job when I began my detox. My job was my access, the reason I used on a daily basis, because I just could not handle the job without a pill to make me nice and talkative. I was a server in a very busy sports bar, so dealing with tables while withdrawing WAS NOT an option for me. Plus, one of my "suppliers" worked with me so it would have been WAY TOO EASY to relapse. I had to quit in order to cut off my access. I am happy with the decision I made. I held the job for 4 years, but it was all just too much for me.
Focus on one thing at a time. Get clean. Stay clean. Then when you feel comfortable and well enough, find a new job. Until then just focus on your recovery.
Good luck :]
Focus on one thing at a time. Get clean. Stay clean. Then when you feel comfortable and well enough, find a new job. Until then just focus on your recovery.
Good luck :]
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 32
Thanks... That is very encouraging to hear. I felt like a loser for quitting, but with a busy workload and coworker who brings them to work everyday or goes and buys them in the company vehicle, I realized I cannot be healthy in that situation. I could tell my boss but getting my
Coworker fired seems wrong when I made a decision to get into them myself. Took some
Melatonin and am finally feeling some sleep coming... Even a few hours would be great at this point.
Coworker fired seems wrong when I made a decision to get into them myself. Took some
Melatonin and am finally feeling some sleep coming... Even a few hours would be great at this point.
Recovering Addict
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Southeast
Posts: 66
DON'T FEEL LIKE A LOSER!! You did a great thing, you did what you knew would be best for you & that is all that matters in the end. YOU CUT OFF YOU ACCESS AND THAT IS HUUUUGE!!
what day are you on, rdy4help? I am two weeks clean today, & somehow I got a miracle!! The past three nights I have slept a solid 8 hours. I WAS SO HAPPY AND I FEEL LIKE A NEW PERSON!! I stay up extremely late, until I can't keep my eyes open any longer, and somehow i've been able to stay asleep. I went from sleeping 2-4 hours a night for ten nights, to this! I think I just got to the point where I was so mentally exhausted that my body just gave in. Whatever it is, I hope it sticks around. So I hope you get some sleep! Just take it one day at a time. Get out as much as you can. As hard as it may seem, force yourself to go walking or do something that will physically tire you, therefore you can sleep a little better :] and yes, melatonin helps a lot! GOOD LUCK!!! :]]
what day are you on, rdy4help? I am two weeks clean today, & somehow I got a miracle!! The past three nights I have slept a solid 8 hours. I WAS SO HAPPY AND I FEEL LIKE A NEW PERSON!! I stay up extremely late, until I can't keep my eyes open any longer, and somehow i've been able to stay asleep. I went from sleeping 2-4 hours a night for ten nights, to this! I think I just got to the point where I was so mentally exhausted that my body just gave in. Whatever it is, I hope it sticks around. So I hope you get some sleep! Just take it one day at a time. Get out as much as you can. As hard as it may seem, force yourself to go walking or do something that will physically tire you, therefore you can sleep a little better :] and yes, melatonin helps a lot! GOOD LUCK!!! :]]
3%
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 124
Yea melatonin helped me a lot too. Take them as you need them, you can't overdose on melatonin. In clinical testing they gave people injections of 480mg every day for years and years and detected no adverse effects. It's kinda sad but in mice they gave them so much they did eventually die but only because there was so much in their blood their heart had to work too hard to pump. One night I got so mad I ate about 3 dozen of em, however I did feel like cap the next morning. I'm glad you feel better! Keep on the vitamins!
P.s. kinda crazy but I also took them now work, I was the head cook at a sports bar and had to dictate everything going on back there, couldn't do it sober. Seems any restaurant profession is a magnet for pills.
P.s. kinda crazy but I also took them now work, I was the head cook at a sports bar and had to dictate everything going on back there, couldn't do it sober. Seems any restaurant profession is a magnet for pills.
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
I've struggled with addiction for over 10 years. My ex introduced me to heroin (my first drug ever) and I was in heaven, or so I thought. I thought I had the miracle drug that would wipe my problems away.
I spent my entire childhood running away from me inside my head. I was abused sexually and physically by a man I was forced to call my father (he was my bio father) for 15 very long, very painful years.
When I got out of that situation and I clung to the first person who showed me love. Called me beautiful. Told me he'd never treat me as my "father" did. In comes the heroin and I clung to him more. I foolishly believed it brought us closer, on a higher, deeper level. I was terrified of needles at this time but 2 days of snorting it, I was sticking that fu-cking needle in my arm. My only family were my mom and my sister. As I spiraled out of control, I stole from my mother whom I love deeply.
I was rapidly losing weight and my habit was sky rocketing to the point of my ex committing many armed robberies to support this habit. It ended us both in state prison. I was only in 10 months and when I got out I was so damned ashamed, I couldn't look my mother in her eyes.
A little while down the road, after meeting my now husband, all the while congratulating myself on staying clean from heroin, I was becoming an alcoholic - fast. Within a year I ended up with drinking a half gallon of rum. Ha. What a joke. Too ashamed to tell my mom, I hid another secret.
All I knew was self destruction. I hated myself (and sadly still do). Always running away from this person I hated so much not realizing it was impossible. My addictive tendencies started far before actual substances. I am a former cutter and I am recovering from eating disorders - those began in childhood.
Spent the last 4 years or so, addicted to pain meds. I have legitimate pain conditions where this medication is necessary. I won't bore you with more details on that.
Someone in a previous thread spoke of having quit drugs but not working recovery being so very painful. This is me. My mental illnesses only complicate matters further. I stay away from people so I don't get hurt. I stay away from people because I find nothing in common with them. I isolate but hurt because I'm lonely. I have my husband here but he's like a shell. I am so damn miserable.
I truly hate myself and one day I hope that I learn to at least like myself.
Those are some of my secrets and writing this post has made me so damn emotional. I have to stop here.
-Jess
EDIT - I misread into this thread. I'm sorry for going off on a rant. I misunderstood. Sorry
I spent my entire childhood running away from me inside my head. I was abused sexually and physically by a man I was forced to call my father (he was my bio father) for 15 very long, very painful years.
When I got out of that situation and I clung to the first person who showed me love. Called me beautiful. Told me he'd never treat me as my "father" did. In comes the heroin and I clung to him more. I foolishly believed it brought us closer, on a higher, deeper level. I was terrified of needles at this time but 2 days of snorting it, I was sticking that fu-cking needle in my arm. My only family were my mom and my sister. As I spiraled out of control, I stole from my mother whom I love deeply.
I was rapidly losing weight and my habit was sky rocketing to the point of my ex committing many armed robberies to support this habit. It ended us both in state prison. I was only in 10 months and when I got out I was so damned ashamed, I couldn't look my mother in her eyes.
A little while down the road, after meeting my now husband, all the while congratulating myself on staying clean from heroin, I was becoming an alcoholic - fast. Within a year I ended up with drinking a half gallon of rum. Ha. What a joke. Too ashamed to tell my mom, I hid another secret.
All I knew was self destruction. I hated myself (and sadly still do). Always running away from this person I hated so much not realizing it was impossible. My addictive tendencies started far before actual substances. I am a former cutter and I am recovering from eating disorders - those began in childhood.
Spent the last 4 years or so, addicted to pain meds. I have legitimate pain conditions where this medication is necessary. I won't bore you with more details on that.
Someone in a previous thread spoke of having quit drugs but not working recovery being so very painful. This is me. My mental illnesses only complicate matters further. I stay away from people so I don't get hurt. I stay away from people because I find nothing in common with them. I isolate but hurt because I'm lonely. I have my husband here but he's like a shell. I am so damn miserable.
I truly hate myself and one day I hope that I learn to at least like myself.
Those are some of my secrets and writing this post has made me so damn emotional. I have to stop here.
-Jess
EDIT - I misread into this thread. I'm sorry for going off on a rant. I misunderstood. Sorry
3%
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 124
OTraumatic experiences in life breed drug abuse. It's the easy way to feel better. What your father did was not your fault. How could you have known? This might sound mean, but hating yourself is what you should be feeling. Now don't take that the wrong way! Terrible things happened to you that were beyond your control, and you didn't realize it at the time but you handled that the completely wrong way. The fact that you hate your life, what youve become, is good! You know now that the mistakes you've made were destructive and unhealthy. Anyone in your shoes would beat themselves up over that. But now that you know all this and realize the path was the wrong one you can better yourself. There are many heroin addicts out there that don't realize it yet. When they do they will also hate themselves for what theyve done to themselves. The loathing of yourself means you are past that point! That's why its good. Anyone would say the way you feel is unhealthy, though it may be at least you realize it. You can't move on until that happens. You have the power to change how you view your life, yourself now. The key is, don't dwell on your past. You can't change it, your future is a very different story though. Sometimes you need to hate your past to love your future. I've read your posts on here and you are strong, and you are intelligent. You will be ok someday, and you will love your life for what you're going through now, and what you've been through. I'm a little worried I've offended you, I hope you get what I mean. Not saying you DESERVE to hate yourself by any means, hope it didn't come off that way. All the love and respect in the world for you jess. You can't get up until you fall down.
I created this thread so we could let it all out. We all have secrets that burden us! Take your time, but never stop.
I created this thread so we could let it all out. We all have secrets that burden us! Take your time, but never stop.
Recovering Addict
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Southeast
Posts: 66
Originally Posted by thenfb
P.s. kinda crazy but I also took them now work, I was the head cook at a sports bar and had to dictate everything going on back there, couldn't do it sober. Seems any restaurant profession is a magnet for pills.
Recovering Addict
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Southeast
Posts: 66
Jess, don't be sorry at all! That's what we are all here for, to listen. Rant all you want!! :]
I'm so sorry to hear everything you've been through, I can only imagine the emotional trauma you must be feeling.
We are all here to support you!! Try to have a good day dear<3
I'm so sorry to hear everything you've been through, I can only imagine the emotional trauma you must be feeling.
We are all here to support you!! Try to have a good day dear<3
MIND OF DESTRUCTIVE TASTE
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 744
No thenfb, you didn't offend me 
I am not easily offended lol. Thanks for everything you've said and I appreciate the input. Always nice to have a different perspective. I hope one day that this hate turns into hope and inspiration. It is literally all I have ever known. But who knows what lies in the future! I've seen your posts as well and I'm glad you started this thread. May it help many people
Jess
I am not easily offended lol. Thanks for everything you've said and I appreciate the input. Always nice to have a different perspective. I hope one day that this hate turns into hope and inspiration. It is literally all I have ever known. But who knows what lies in the future! I've seen your posts as well and I'm glad you started this thread. May it help many people Jess
3%
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Ohio, USA
Posts: 124
Thanks jess, I'm so glad you understand what I was saying. Could easily be taken the wrong way, but ur a smart girl and I'm relieved ya got me.
I have a predicament my friends. The best thing to do while quitting is remove yourself from your drug situations. As I have posted I have social anxiety like mofo. I have not been diagnosed with anything as I have not (yet) saught treatment, but doing my own research, I'm positive its "Schizoid personality disorder." Here is a link to a good explanation of how I feel daily. Like I said I've not been officially diagnosed but I'm 11/11 on the symptoms listed, and it almost seems that the article was written about me specifically.
Schizoid personality disorder
With that in mind, I have very few close friends. My best friend since birth is an addict, and for a long time, my supplier. He's not a dealer but he knew a guy. He also wants to quit but so far has made an attempt. You all know how important it is to cut off your supply, but I refuse to abandon my friend. I don't care what anyone says its not going to happen, please don't comment against that point.
My problem is I could walk over to his parents house from where I live. Now I'm sure you can see what I'm getting at...now look, obviously I SHOULD tell them. It seems like the obvious "right thing to do," but situations are not always so universal. Even now, if he told my parents about my problem, no matter if it helped me get out or not, (which almost always would) I would still be mad at him for it. Even now I feel it wouldn't be his place to meddle that way and I would b angry, even now. No matter how long we've been friends or how badly he wanted to help. I think they would help him. Clearly if I made the choice to tell it would drastically change his life, likely for the better. However given my feelings if the situation was reversed I don't think I will tell. If you read the article, you know how few friends I really have. I'm lonely as it is and I can't afford to change the relationship I have. It's very precious to me. This is selfish of me though, looking out for my feelings over doing something that will help him get off drugs. Understandable, yes. Rational yes, but it is still selfish though I don't feel bad about it because I do need the relationship. Any thoughts, questions, and comments are welcome. I'm just trying to weigh the options so I would like to hear your personal thoughts, not what is right and wrong. Just how you guys feel, on both sides. Thanks
I have a predicament my friends. The best thing to do while quitting is remove yourself from your drug situations. As I have posted I have social anxiety like mofo. I have not been diagnosed with anything as I have not (yet) saught treatment, but doing my own research, I'm positive its "Schizoid personality disorder." Here is a link to a good explanation of how I feel daily. Like I said I've not been officially diagnosed but I'm 11/11 on the symptoms listed, and it almost seems that the article was written about me specifically.
Schizoid personality disorder
With that in mind, I have very few close friends. My best friend since birth is an addict, and for a long time, my supplier. He's not a dealer but he knew a guy. He also wants to quit but so far has made an attempt. You all know how important it is to cut off your supply, but I refuse to abandon my friend. I don't care what anyone says its not going to happen, please don't comment against that point.
My problem is I could walk over to his parents house from where I live. Now I'm sure you can see what I'm getting at...now look, obviously I SHOULD tell them. It seems like the obvious "right thing to do," but situations are not always so universal. Even now, if he told my parents about my problem, no matter if it helped me get out or not, (which almost always would) I would still be mad at him for it. Even now I feel it wouldn't be his place to meddle that way and I would b angry, even now. No matter how long we've been friends or how badly he wanted to help. I think they would help him. Clearly if I made the choice to tell it would drastically change his life, likely for the better. However given my feelings if the situation was reversed I don't think I will tell. If you read the article, you know how few friends I really have. I'm lonely as it is and I can't afford to change the relationship I have. It's very precious to me. This is selfish of me though, looking out for my feelings over doing something that will help him get off drugs. Understandable, yes. Rational yes, but it is still selfish though I don't feel bad about it because I do need the relationship. Any thoughts, questions, and comments are welcome. I'm just trying to weigh the options so I would like to hear your personal thoughts, not what is right and wrong. Just how you guys feel, on both sides. Thanks
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi thenfb,
As much as I dislike labels, especially psych labels, sometimes it seems helpful to find a description or diagnosis that explains you. I'm like that, too. But I think the problem comes in when other people want to label you, especially when they are dead wrong. A little over ten years ago, I was a professional at the top of my game. A sequence of events destroyed my career, destroyed my practice, destroyed me. I imploded for about 2 years. Everybody was scrambling to label me, and they were mostly wrong. I've told the story a few times on the forum, so I won't repeat it here. Be wary of labels, even if they appear to fit. If and when you need a diagnosis, make sure it is a seasoned professional who makes that call.
Of course you want to hang on to your friend. I know few people my age (old) who can still claim to be close friends with someone they have known all their lives. It is a valuable treasure you should hang onto. Sometimes these friends have seen us at our worst, but stuck with us anyway, and as such have shared both sorry and triumph with us.
The addiction thing is sticky where is regards your friend. It sounds like there are more people involved than you and him. If his parents know your parents, and everybody is close, it is hard for problems to remain a secret for long. To me it is a matter of support. If the question is whether to share your present success in recovery, that would amount to admitting you were abusing drugs, and maybe that is something you don't want to come out.
My first thought is for you to get support for what you are planning to do. I understand the social anxiety, but I wonder if a recovery group like NA might shore you up? I just wonder if someone in such a setting could help you make some choices about your friend. Even though you are in recovery yourself, you may benefit from some of the concepts of the family and friends folks like in Alanon or it's component in NA.
If you plan to go it alone, do what is the strongest in your heart. Do whatever you do with conviction. Whatever you do, make sure your base of support is broad so you do not fall.
As to your personality disorder, very few people are ever really diagnosed and treated that have "issues". If you think about it, those who are diagnosed are either a self-selected group who seek out treatment, who have the wherewithall to know they need it, and figure out the resources to get it. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, there are the people who get in trouble and are forced to get help. There is a whole SEA of people in between those two extremes who are NEVER seen by a psychologist or counselor or treating provider.
More people have psychological issues than you might think. I just spent a month treating psychiatric patients in a nearby town, and it was an eye opener. I mostly saw people in group two that I just described above, who had no resources except for medicaid, and really didn't want to be there. But there are many more who just live their lives with their "problems", and I think some of them are the most intelligent and creative people you will ever meet.
But I saw the guys in real trouble. And yet every derelict individual that crossed my path in that clinic was once a whole individual. By the time I saw them, part of them were gone, or buried so deep I don't know if they are recoverable again. Maybe some had always been mentally ill. But many, I think, were injured somewhere along the line. For many, something happened to them as children. Others hit on hard times. Others were consumed by drug addiction. But they were all PEOPLE. And they all had a story, if one cared to listen long enough, closely enough.
I guess what I am trying to say that your thoughts and feelings count. That you value your friend counts. He is lucky to have you. I hope you can help him, and I think you should, but I would strongly encourage you to take care of yourself first. If you aren’t strong, you can’t help him. You could collapse together, and you don’t want that.
I have no idea if anything I just said makes sense. You are an intelligent guy who has been through a lot of bad stuff. To be where you are now in your recovery is something to be proud of. Just be aware that recovery can be fragile, especially when you start to feel confident. No one is really secure in their recovery without the right safety net set into place.
FT
As much as I dislike labels, especially psych labels, sometimes it seems helpful to find a description or diagnosis that explains you. I'm like that, too. But I think the problem comes in when other people want to label you, especially when they are dead wrong. A little over ten years ago, I was a professional at the top of my game. A sequence of events destroyed my career, destroyed my practice, destroyed me. I imploded for about 2 years. Everybody was scrambling to label me, and they were mostly wrong. I've told the story a few times on the forum, so I won't repeat it here. Be wary of labels, even if they appear to fit. If and when you need a diagnosis, make sure it is a seasoned professional who makes that call.
Of course you want to hang on to your friend. I know few people my age (old) who can still claim to be close friends with someone they have known all their lives. It is a valuable treasure you should hang onto. Sometimes these friends have seen us at our worst, but stuck with us anyway, and as such have shared both sorry and triumph with us.
The addiction thing is sticky where is regards your friend. It sounds like there are more people involved than you and him. If his parents know your parents, and everybody is close, it is hard for problems to remain a secret for long. To me it is a matter of support. If the question is whether to share your present success in recovery, that would amount to admitting you were abusing drugs, and maybe that is something you don't want to come out.
My first thought is for you to get support for what you are planning to do. I understand the social anxiety, but I wonder if a recovery group like NA might shore you up? I just wonder if someone in such a setting could help you make some choices about your friend. Even though you are in recovery yourself, you may benefit from some of the concepts of the family and friends folks like in Alanon or it's component in NA.
If you plan to go it alone, do what is the strongest in your heart. Do whatever you do with conviction. Whatever you do, make sure your base of support is broad so you do not fall.
As to your personality disorder, very few people are ever really diagnosed and treated that have "issues". If you think about it, those who are diagnosed are either a self-selected group who seek out treatment, who have the wherewithall to know they need it, and figure out the resources to get it. Or, at the other end of the spectrum, there are the people who get in trouble and are forced to get help. There is a whole SEA of people in between those two extremes who are NEVER seen by a psychologist or counselor or treating provider.
More people have psychological issues than you might think. I just spent a month treating psychiatric patients in a nearby town, and it was an eye opener. I mostly saw people in group two that I just described above, who had no resources except for medicaid, and really didn't want to be there. But there are many more who just live their lives with their "problems", and I think some of them are the most intelligent and creative people you will ever meet.
But I saw the guys in real trouble. And yet every derelict individual that crossed my path in that clinic was once a whole individual. By the time I saw them, part of them were gone, or buried so deep I don't know if they are recoverable again. Maybe some had always been mentally ill. But many, I think, were injured somewhere along the line. For many, something happened to them as children. Others hit on hard times. Others were consumed by drug addiction. But they were all PEOPLE. And they all had a story, if one cared to listen long enough, closely enough.
I guess what I am trying to say that your thoughts and feelings count. That you value your friend counts. He is lucky to have you. I hope you can help him, and I think you should, but I would strongly encourage you to take care of yourself first. If you aren’t strong, you can’t help him. You could collapse together, and you don’t want that.
I have no idea if anything I just said makes sense. You are an intelligent guy who has been through a lot of bad stuff. To be where you are now in your recovery is something to be proud of. Just be aware that recovery can be fragile, especially when you start to feel confident. No one is really secure in their recovery without the right safety net set into place.
FT
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