Realized my need for MA
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
Realized my need for MA
OK, so, do I hop on someone else's thread or start my own...Well I'll start my own.
**************************************
So I've been in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics on this board, and in Al-Anon online and F2F, my qualifier being my AH.
I've been in Friends and Family of Substance Abusers on this board, and in Adult Children groups online, my mother being my qualifier. She was addicted to those diet pills in the late 60's/early 70's that doctors eventually stopped prescribing because they were speed, and addictive. She was also schizophrenic, so I had some things to deal with.
During my mid 20's, back in the mid 80's, I spent three years high on marijuana. I stopped because I decided to clear my head and because I was in a relationship that I wanted to keep. He didn't insist I get clean, but I knew it was his preference, and I made the conscious decision that it was a good idea for myself anyway.
I didn't use marijuana for a decade. During that decade, I married and divorced two times (including the relationship I mentioned above - my first husband - marriage lasted 4 years). My second husband was both alcoholic and marijuana-addicted, and experimented with crystal meth too. He probably would have used it daily if he had the money for it. We were married 2 years. He changed from nice guy to abusive, the day we stood at the altar. He wanted to hurry up and get married and I allowed him to do my thinking for me, even though I thought it was too fast.
Re: his not-daily use of crystal meth: As I've learned, you don't have to use something every day to be addicted to it. (More on that is coming...)
I got high again just after my 10th anniversary of being straight, with my then-boyfriend, now-husband/AH. It was "different this time." I didn't do it every day. I thought I could just get high like a "normal person."
I never did consume a lot of alcohol - I just drank like a "normal person" - but as I have known and loved many A's in my life, plus as I got older, alcohol didn't make my body feel good, I decided to quit drinking.
When I got high with my AH, (third marriage for each of us; together almost 13 years, married almost 7) I noticed that I'd smoke a lot more with him than I ever would have alone. I was thinking that if I didn't smoke as much as I did with him, then we would run out of stash and he would have smoked it all, and I would have missed out. I got higher than I wanted to get and I wondered why he was still smoking it up when he was as stoned as he could get. I know I was.
Yeah, I know, that's a sign. Of course I see it clearly in retrospect. You know "hindsight is 20/20." Perspective is hard for me to gain when I'm sitting in the middle. The small picture is easy to see. The big picture - not so much.
I'd gone off the 10 years straight in 1998 and only did it a few times between 1998 and 2003, maybe two or three days every six months, not even that much.
So back in May 2008, I quit again. I'd worked up to getting high a couple of times a week between 2003 and 2008.
I stayed "quit" for the most part. I got high two times in 2009, and high three times in 2010. The reason why I quit in May 2008 was because of some spiritual work I was doing, and getting high a couple of times a week, was muddying those waters for me.
But those five times I got high in those two years, I was laden with guilt, feeling like I let God down, scaring myself into feeling like I was in hell and if I smoked again, that residence status would be long term for more than this lifetime.
I got a "legal" card in 2003 and got a grower who gave me an ounce free per month. I gave most of that away to people for whom it would do some good, like cancer patients nauseous from chemo who couldn't find other medications that were as helpful to them. The basis for my card is that I have borderline severe scoliosis (didn't have to have fusion but came close, wore a back brace from 1973-1977 until my bone growth was complete). I do have some pain from that, right thoracic 45 degree curve and 38 degree lumbar curve (to the left). I also have had migraines of enough severity to keep me down for days. My longest migraine lasted six weeks. Haven't had one in a few years, thank God.
And then there was the release of all the tension that I appreciated from marijuana.
Unlike some who became lethargic, I would get active and get all kinds of chores done when high. It was as if this whatever-it-was that kept me from moving, like being paralyzed by fear, released and let go of me when I got high. The world would slow down and stop being so tensely manic. And I'd get things done.
When I'd been a stoner in my 20's, it was the first time I felt like I could "think free," without the constant abuse of my mother (emotional, mental, physical) echoing through my life and keeping me trapped in that nightmare past.
At that point in time, it was the only "mental escape" from the prison of my mind that I availed myself of. I was in therapy too and hid my use from my therapist until the time when I decided to quit it, before I got married to my first husband. Imagine my surprise when my therapist told me she knew I was high but I was the one who had to admit that.
Her specialty was codependency. I was seeing her because of those nasty mom voices in my head that had resulted in childhood survival behavior that was no longer useful in adulthood.
So recently, I found a whole group to donate to. This brought up my AH's SA issues with it.
I had started doing small amounts two weeks ago, meaning before bedtime, two hits, a fraction of a bud. I felt this was reasonable. I'd held back two grams from the donation for this purpose. It helped with the insomnia I was experiencing and relaxed my brain. I figured, two grams a month is nothing and isn't addiction and it DOES have medicinal qualities. So, OK, I'm OK. (Quack.)
And then I found my husband had secreted a large bud and had kef'd my stash before I donated it. Here I thought I'd hidden it so well prior to the donation. I was putting pennies in the penny can we keep and that was where he put it. I matter-of-factly told him I'd found it.
He began talking about how he felt he could do it once a month and he would like to, since it had all kinds of beneficial medicinal qualities.
I went over the addiction aspect that he had discussed with me about himself years ago, and asked him if he really thought that was reasonable for him and his life. He said if it was only available once a month and I was giving the rest away, he was sure he could do that. I kept my disagreement to myself.
So I did a little while he was gone this past Thursday, and when he came home, he could smell it on me. He got very upset because he felt betrayed that I did it without him. So I broke out the bud and kef he'd stashed and we sat down together and smoked most of it.
It was just like the old days with him. I smoked a lot more than I even wanted to because (realizing, at this point, that I was quacking) "...he'll smoke the whole thing and it'll be gone and I won't have gotten my share."
Talk about hypocrisy. I took a good long look in the mirror on the inner planes and owned it for the first time in my life. I was a hypocrite calling him an addict when that was how I was acting. I'd gone astray enough of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon principles by attempting to control his access. ("I have the card, not him. He can get his own card.") Quack.
Thursday night, after he went to bed, I was online looking for a local health club since the one I belonged to, closed down at the end of June. I found this free online "analysis" program through a health club and took their wellness test.
That included a substance abuse self-test.
Normally (?) I would just answer with what I do "most of the time" meaning not including the past 2 weeks of using marijuana. However, a little bird inside my head (probably HP wanting me to get real) told me to answer in the present for the present.
I'll print the results after this post. Save it to say, even though most of the post relates to alcohol, I could see my marijuana use in there.
Lo and behold, the realization.
I am a marijuana addict. I have been a hypocrite about addiction with my husband - there's a new inventory item for me - an old item actually, but it is just now in my conscious mind that it is there.
Friday. Saturday. Today. No marijuana. Some desire. Definite after-effects from the volume I did Thursday.
Realization that my so-called "normal" usage has been relapse.
Realization that my justification has been the addiction speaking.
Realization that it's been easier to recognize addiction in others than in myself.
Realization that I've been lying to myself about my relationship with marijuana.
Found an online meeting right away. Found a few F2F meetings happening in this coming week.
Thursday night, I also went on the kind of eating binge I haven't done in a long time. Will be doing some work in OA as well, with the primary focus being on MA, since the compulsive overeating is secondary.
Hi, my name is Meredith, and I am a marijuana addict.
**************************************
So I've been in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics on this board, and in Al-Anon online and F2F, my qualifier being my AH.
I've been in Friends and Family of Substance Abusers on this board, and in Adult Children groups online, my mother being my qualifier. She was addicted to those diet pills in the late 60's/early 70's that doctors eventually stopped prescribing because they were speed, and addictive. She was also schizophrenic, so I had some things to deal with.
During my mid 20's, back in the mid 80's, I spent three years high on marijuana. I stopped because I decided to clear my head and because I was in a relationship that I wanted to keep. He didn't insist I get clean, but I knew it was his preference, and I made the conscious decision that it was a good idea for myself anyway.
I didn't use marijuana for a decade. During that decade, I married and divorced two times (including the relationship I mentioned above - my first husband - marriage lasted 4 years). My second husband was both alcoholic and marijuana-addicted, and experimented with crystal meth too. He probably would have used it daily if he had the money for it. We were married 2 years. He changed from nice guy to abusive, the day we stood at the altar. He wanted to hurry up and get married and I allowed him to do my thinking for me, even though I thought it was too fast.
Re: his not-daily use of crystal meth: As I've learned, you don't have to use something every day to be addicted to it. (More on that is coming...)
I got high again just after my 10th anniversary of being straight, with my then-boyfriend, now-husband/AH. It was "different this time." I didn't do it every day. I thought I could just get high like a "normal person."
I never did consume a lot of alcohol - I just drank like a "normal person" - but as I have known and loved many A's in my life, plus as I got older, alcohol didn't make my body feel good, I decided to quit drinking.
When I got high with my AH, (third marriage for each of us; together almost 13 years, married almost 7) I noticed that I'd smoke a lot more with him than I ever would have alone. I was thinking that if I didn't smoke as much as I did with him, then we would run out of stash and he would have smoked it all, and I would have missed out. I got higher than I wanted to get and I wondered why he was still smoking it up when he was as stoned as he could get. I know I was.
Yeah, I know, that's a sign. Of course I see it clearly in retrospect. You know "hindsight is 20/20." Perspective is hard for me to gain when I'm sitting in the middle. The small picture is easy to see. The big picture - not so much.
I'd gone off the 10 years straight in 1998 and only did it a few times between 1998 and 2003, maybe two or three days every six months, not even that much.
So back in May 2008, I quit again. I'd worked up to getting high a couple of times a week between 2003 and 2008.
I stayed "quit" for the most part. I got high two times in 2009, and high three times in 2010. The reason why I quit in May 2008 was because of some spiritual work I was doing, and getting high a couple of times a week, was muddying those waters for me.
But those five times I got high in those two years, I was laden with guilt, feeling like I let God down, scaring myself into feeling like I was in hell and if I smoked again, that residence status would be long term for more than this lifetime.
I got a "legal" card in 2003 and got a grower who gave me an ounce free per month. I gave most of that away to people for whom it would do some good, like cancer patients nauseous from chemo who couldn't find other medications that were as helpful to them. The basis for my card is that I have borderline severe scoliosis (didn't have to have fusion but came close, wore a back brace from 1973-1977 until my bone growth was complete). I do have some pain from that, right thoracic 45 degree curve and 38 degree lumbar curve (to the left). I also have had migraines of enough severity to keep me down for days. My longest migraine lasted six weeks. Haven't had one in a few years, thank God.
And then there was the release of all the tension that I appreciated from marijuana.
Unlike some who became lethargic, I would get active and get all kinds of chores done when high. It was as if this whatever-it-was that kept me from moving, like being paralyzed by fear, released and let go of me when I got high. The world would slow down and stop being so tensely manic. And I'd get things done.
When I'd been a stoner in my 20's, it was the first time I felt like I could "think free," without the constant abuse of my mother (emotional, mental, physical) echoing through my life and keeping me trapped in that nightmare past.
At that point in time, it was the only "mental escape" from the prison of my mind that I availed myself of. I was in therapy too and hid my use from my therapist until the time when I decided to quit it, before I got married to my first husband. Imagine my surprise when my therapist told me she knew I was high but I was the one who had to admit that.
Her specialty was codependency. I was seeing her because of those nasty mom voices in my head that had resulted in childhood survival behavior that was no longer useful in adulthood.
So recently, I found a whole group to donate to. This brought up my AH's SA issues with it.
I had started doing small amounts two weeks ago, meaning before bedtime, two hits, a fraction of a bud. I felt this was reasonable. I'd held back two grams from the donation for this purpose. It helped with the insomnia I was experiencing and relaxed my brain. I figured, two grams a month is nothing and isn't addiction and it DOES have medicinal qualities. So, OK, I'm OK. (Quack.)
And then I found my husband had secreted a large bud and had kef'd my stash before I donated it. Here I thought I'd hidden it so well prior to the donation. I was putting pennies in the penny can we keep and that was where he put it. I matter-of-factly told him I'd found it.
He began talking about how he felt he could do it once a month and he would like to, since it had all kinds of beneficial medicinal qualities.
I went over the addiction aspect that he had discussed with me about himself years ago, and asked him if he really thought that was reasonable for him and his life. He said if it was only available once a month and I was giving the rest away, he was sure he could do that. I kept my disagreement to myself.
So I did a little while he was gone this past Thursday, and when he came home, he could smell it on me. He got very upset because he felt betrayed that I did it without him. So I broke out the bud and kef he'd stashed and we sat down together and smoked most of it.
It was just like the old days with him. I smoked a lot more than I even wanted to because (realizing, at this point, that I was quacking) "...he'll smoke the whole thing and it'll be gone and I won't have gotten my share."
Talk about hypocrisy. I took a good long look in the mirror on the inner planes and owned it for the first time in my life. I was a hypocrite calling him an addict when that was how I was acting. I'd gone astray enough of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon principles by attempting to control his access. ("I have the card, not him. He can get his own card.") Quack.
Thursday night, after he went to bed, I was online looking for a local health club since the one I belonged to, closed down at the end of June. I found this free online "analysis" program through a health club and took their wellness test.
That included a substance abuse self-test.
Normally (?) I would just answer with what I do "most of the time" meaning not including the past 2 weeks of using marijuana. However, a little bird inside my head (probably HP wanting me to get real) told me to answer in the present for the present.
I'll print the results after this post. Save it to say, even though most of the post relates to alcohol, I could see my marijuana use in there.
Lo and behold, the realization.
I am a marijuana addict. I have been a hypocrite about addiction with my husband - there's a new inventory item for me - an old item actually, but it is just now in my conscious mind that it is there.
Friday. Saturday. Today. No marijuana. Some desire. Definite after-effects from the volume I did Thursday.
Realization that my so-called "normal" usage has been relapse.
Realization that my justification has been the addiction speaking.
Realization that it's been easier to recognize addiction in others than in myself.
Realization that I've been lying to myself about my relationship with marijuana.
Found an online meeting right away. Found a few F2F meetings happening in this coming week.
Thursday night, I also went on the kind of eating binge I haven't done in a long time. Will be doing some work in OA as well, with the primary focus being on MA, since the compulsive overeating is secondary.
Hi, my name is Meredith, and I am a marijuana addict.
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
here are the results for the test I took. As I said above, it is a lot more of an alcohol test result, but I didn't answer yes to the alcohol questions - so I apply it to marijuana. Just decided to come in and edit it for what rang true with me for my marijuana addiction...
MY DRUG AND ALCOHOL RISK
HIGH
(Doing marijuana) is associated with a number of chronic health conditions...depression, and a variety of social problems.
Frequent or casual use of medications or drugs to alter your emotions can cause long term health risks such as drug dependence and addiction....
(Marijuana) impairs both your judgment and reflexes.
(Marijuana) is a central nervous system depressant (and I've heard, also stimulant)
According to the DSM-IV published by the American Psychiatric Association, three or more of the following signs indicate (drug or alcohol) Dependence:
Tolerance
Withdrawal
Use for longer than intended
Desire and/or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control consumption
Considerable time spent obtaining or using (marijuana), or recovering from its effects
Important social, work, or recreational activity given up because of use
Continued use of (marijuana) despite knowledge of problems caused or aggravated by use
You should consult with your physician if you have ever felt two or more of the following: the need to cut down on your (use), annoyance with people criticizing your (use), guilt about (using), or have ever felt the need to (use) first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a "hangover" (put in quotes because in my experience, there is a sort of marijuana hangover).
MY DRUG AND ALCOHOL RISK
HIGH
(Doing marijuana) is associated with a number of chronic health conditions...depression, and a variety of social problems.
Frequent or casual use of medications or drugs to alter your emotions can cause long term health risks such as drug dependence and addiction....
(Marijuana) impairs both your judgment and reflexes.
(Marijuana) is a central nervous system depressant (and I've heard, also stimulant)
According to the DSM-IV published by the American Psychiatric Association, three or more of the following signs indicate (drug or alcohol) Dependence:
Tolerance
Withdrawal
Use for longer than intended
Desire and/or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control consumption
Considerable time spent obtaining or using (marijuana), or recovering from its effects
Important social, work, or recreational activity given up because of use
Continued use of (marijuana) despite knowledge of problems caused or aggravated by use
You should consult with your physician if you have ever felt two or more of the following: the need to cut down on your (use), annoyance with people criticizing your (use), guilt about (using), or have ever felt the need to (use) first thing in the morning to steady your nerves or get rid of a "hangover" (put in quotes because in my experience, there is a sort of marijuana hangover).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi MeredithD1!
Welcome to SR. There are others here in recovery from weed. The forum gets quiet here and there, so don't worry if it takes awhile to get some responses. Someone very close to me ruined at least 15 years of his life and a promising career due to weed. He now desperately wants to get somewhere in his field, and he now finds his skills out of date and he is 15 years older than his competitors that are fresh out of college.
There are so many stories here. And a lot of support.
Read a lot. Post a lot. Jump on whatever threads interest you. Offer your own experience when you can, because everyone's experience counts, and there is something to learn from every story.
Making the decision to quit is just the first step. Cut off your access from your drug of choice, and make sure you don't have any lying around to tempt you. You can't use what you don't have. Each small step adds up to a whole journey.
I'm glad you found an MA group on line. I don't know what's around locally, maybe nothing. On line groups can be a part of recovery. I know SR has helped me immensely.
FT
Welcome to SR. There are others here in recovery from weed. The forum gets quiet here and there, so don't worry if it takes awhile to get some responses. Someone very close to me ruined at least 15 years of his life and a promising career due to weed. He now desperately wants to get somewhere in his field, and he now finds his skills out of date and he is 15 years older than his competitors that are fresh out of college.
There are so many stories here. And a lot of support.
Read a lot. Post a lot. Jump on whatever threads interest you. Offer your own experience when you can, because everyone's experience counts, and there is something to learn from every story.
Making the decision to quit is just the first step. Cut off your access from your drug of choice, and make sure you don't have any lying around to tempt you. You can't use what you don't have. Each small step adds up to a whole journey.
I'm glad you found an MA group on line. I don't know what's around locally, maybe nothing. On line groups can be a part of recovery. I know SR has helped me immensely.
FT
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
thanks, FailedTaper and Dee!
FT, sorry to hear about that promising career that was ruined of one close to you. I've read about addicts being unaware of the effects we have on others' lives and I experienced it on the receiving end...bit of a shock to realize I've been on the giving end too. I think up to this point, I just tuned it out, like it didn't apply to me...
Dee, thanks for paving the way. I know when one of us is in recovery/not using, it affects us all.
I've been dealing with my Inner Quacker a little bit today. Sneaky booger. "You can make some once-vaped tinc. That'll still have the cannabanoids for pain relief and less of the THC for the high." Wow, I didn't realize how that sounded before.
what an education...
FT, sorry to hear about that promising career that was ruined of one close to you. I've read about addicts being unaware of the effects we have on others' lives and I experienced it on the receiving end...bit of a shock to realize I've been on the giving end too. I think up to this point, I just tuned it out, like it didn't apply to me...
Dee, thanks for paving the way. I know when one of us is in recovery/not using, it affects us all.
I've been dealing with my Inner Quacker a little bit today. Sneaky booger. "You can make some once-vaped tinc. That'll still have the cannabanoids for pain relief and less of the THC for the high." Wow, I didn't realize how that sounded before.
what an education...
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
Continuing to be aware of, and clear out, thoughts that support continued addiction. Today feels like a good day. I did sugar out last night 
but today am planning a shopping trip, which I will take within a few hours, to pick up nutritious foods I know have worked to help me get the nutrients I need and to make me feel clean and healthy.
thanks!
but today am planning a shopping trip, which I will take within a few hours, to pick up nutritious foods I know have worked to help me get the nutrients I need and to make me feel clean and healthy.thanks!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,064
good to have you here Meredith. I tried pot a couple of times in the late 70's and instead of relaxing me, I wound up cleaning out closets because I was so dang hyper on that stuff. I could not stand the inner critical voice that pot brought out and I really beat myself up on that stuff. It makes me pychotic. But I found pills later in my life that made me relax and brought me to my addiction, ruined my life etc. I can get addictive about stuff even in recovery, like there's never enough soap, I should buy more just in case we run out. I do that with everything, life always should have extra and backups. I don't think that is totally normal. Anyways, I understand what you're mindset is on this. I just did it with other substances in the past.
Don't beat yourself up anymore. You know the problems, just work on them and giving power to shame and guilt does not help us recover it keeps us sick. We are good people and just remember that ... you are a good person. Much love and hugs
Don't beat yourself up anymore. You know the problems, just work on them and giving power to shame and guilt does not help us recover it keeps us sick. We are good people and just remember that ... you are a good person. Much love and hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Meredith))) - I smoked weed, a lot, when I was younger, as most of my friends did. I tried it a few times after I got off crack, but it makes me stuck and paranoid, so that's just no fun for me.
I totally understand the "he's going to smoke it all up and I won't get my fair share" part...that was life with my XABF#3, only with crack.
I've also seen a lot of people who's lives revolve around it, though I'm sure it didn't start out that way.
It seems like you're seeing the little red flags popping up, and you're reaching out - good for you!!! There's quite a few of us "double-winners" who are A's and codie's, and for THIS one....they are totally intertwined and I get good stuff from both here and the F&F forums.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I totally understand the "he's going to smoke it all up and I won't get my fair share" part...that was life with my XABF#3, only with crack.
I've also seen a lot of people who's lives revolve around it, though I'm sure it didn't start out that way.
It seems like you're seeing the little red flags popping up, and you're reaching out - good for you!!! There's quite a few of us "double-winners" who are A's and codie's, and for THIS one....they are totally intertwined and I get good stuff from both here and the F&F forums.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
it's soooo goooooood to hear from you...thanks so much!!
I've been doing a lot of healing therapies for adrenal fatigue etc, and yesterday at the store, I got very dizzy and nauseous. I had to lay off because I hit the detox heavier yesterday than I had in the three weeks that I've been intense about it. So I ate a salad and some baked chicken they had at the store there (Put together my own salad) and very strange, about a half - hour later, I felt like I got high??? seriously, just like I had just vaped about two hits??? I don't understand that.
Today, I haven't done my detox stuff and some of the body pain (in the area of my organs) is back, I feel like a slug, am unmotivated, feel fat and lazy and I hate feeling that way. Well I think I will go take a shower and do a light detox now.
have you ever been unclear in your thinking and then you come in here and type some stuff out and just in typing, knowing that there are supportive people there, you realize the next step you need to take?
thanks for being here, so much. I need you.
I've been doing a lot of healing therapies for adrenal fatigue etc, and yesterday at the store, I got very dizzy and nauseous. I had to lay off because I hit the detox heavier yesterday than I had in the three weeks that I've been intense about it. So I ate a salad and some baked chicken they had at the store there (Put together my own salad) and very strange, about a half - hour later, I felt like I got high??? seriously, just like I had just vaped about two hits??? I don't understand that.
Today, I haven't done my detox stuff and some of the body pain (in the area of my organs) is back, I feel like a slug, am unmotivated, feel fat and lazy and I hate feeling that way. Well I think I will go take a shower and do a light detox now.
have you ever been unclear in your thinking and then you come in here and type some stuff out and just in typing, knowing that there are supportive people there, you realize the next step you need to take?
thanks for being here, so much. I need you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi Brownm:
SR is just "Sober Recovery", this forum.
The guy I mentioned in my post who ruined his life for years has now been clean off weed for over a year, and after many prior failed tries, this time seems to be working. A bunch of stuff came together for him to finally get him to quit -- his health scared him, he had to pass drug screens and that scared him, plus he recognized that he was p!ssing his life away on weed. It was horrible.
He isn't doing a program, and he was deterred by a bunch of places that wanted to put him on other drugs like antidepressants. He's doing it this time with family support, as he doesn't like 12 step programs.
I would check out MA. I hope someone will chime in here with some resources?
FT
SR is just "Sober Recovery", this forum.
The guy I mentioned in my post who ruined his life for years has now been clean off weed for over a year, and after many prior failed tries, this time seems to be working. A bunch of stuff came together for him to finally get him to quit -- his health scared him, he had to pass drug screens and that scared him, plus he recognized that he was p!ssing his life away on weed. It was horrible.
He isn't doing a program, and he was deterred by a bunch of places that wanted to put him on other drugs like antidepressants. He's doing it this time with family support, as he doesn't like 12 step programs.
I would check out MA. I hope someone will chime in here with some resources?
FT
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
welcome to our (as in everyone's) message board, Sober Recovery, Brownm! I've gone to the MA Online District 13 and it is a great online meeting place - there is a schedule on the site too. Scroll beneath the blue box.
Today, a good day. Feeling healthier. Not craving. Enjoying that I'm not craving!
I do remember when I had 10 years straight, that it took me about a year to really get the fog lifted from my mind.
I'd been a daily heavy smoker for a few years before that time.
I remember when the one-year anniversary of going straight approached. I hadn't really realized the "anniversary date," but I did realize clarity of mind growing, and then I thought about it, and realized the date I'd quit, and it was just past my one-year anniversity of sobriety from marijuana.
That was very enlightening...
Today, a good day. Feeling healthier. Not craving. Enjoying that I'm not craving!
I do remember when I had 10 years straight, that it took me about a year to really get the fog lifted from my mind.
I'd been a daily heavy smoker for a few years before that time.
I remember when the one-year anniversary of going straight approached. I hadn't really realized the "anniversary date," but I did realize clarity of mind growing, and then I thought about it, and realized the date I'd quit, and it was just past my one-year anniversity of sobriety from marijuana.
That was very enlightening...
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
succeeded today - wasn't easy - there are bound to be harder days. knowing there will be a harder day made it easier for me to prepare to succeed that day. today.
Present
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: "Happy Rock" (Gladstone) Oregon
Posts: 1,252
I"m "typing in ill" today. Was violently ill in the wee hours of the morning. Not sure if it was flu or food poisoning but felt better today, just sore all over and very out-of-it groggy. Made it difficult to not turn to marijuana for support, especially with the hideous nausea. Succeeded though, despite my husband imbibing today. I could count the times I vomited in my lifetime on the fingers of both hands - I just don't do it, my body rarely does that. Last time was 2003 when I had a medication for migraine that didn't sit right. Prior to that, I couldn't tell you.
Success in sobriety under higher levels of adversity is a good thing. I feel good about that.
Success in sobriety under higher levels of adversity is a good thing. I feel good about that.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
keep on keepin on meredith! Just caught the tail end of a meeting on MA online, first time in years...That place planted the seed of my sobriety several years before I was ready.
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