Obsessing does.not.stop
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 62
Obsessing does.not.stop
Hi there. I'm from the Friends and Family Forum, but thought I may get some good insight over here as well.
So my RAH appears to be doing very well. He’s completed 90 meetings in 90 days and now goes to meetings 6 days a week. He’s still living in the SLE, but is spending a lot of time at our home w/the kids. He’s also working 40 hrs. a week. He and I are friendly. We have not been intimate, but we are getting along well. The children are definitely positiviely influenced by our kind, civil interactions. I make a conscious effort to keep my mouth shut and out of his business. Such a simple behavioral change on my part change can make such a significant impact on the entire family dynamics. We have separated our finances. I have no access to his account or how he spends his money (it feels great to not be checking). He is paying $900/month to our household, which is certainly enough to cover where I cannot. He takes the kids to church while I get a break/clean/grocery shop etc. It’s really been a nice arrangement. He has a new hobby-fixing up cars. He got an older car for about $2500 and is enjoying fixing it up. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know it’s great that he has a new hobby, keeps his mind occupied, and his hands busy. He is really proud of what he’s done, and I try to give him praise for these things. However, it has become an obsession. I don’t mean that he just spends a lot of time on it, I mean full blown can not stop thinking about it. He’ll come in to the house for a second, and then go back out to the car b/c he just thought of a crevice he missed. He comes in the house and goes from EBAY to homedepot.com to amazon, checking on trunk liners. He was painting the gear shifter and while the 1st coat is drying, he’s already planning his day around putting on the second coat. It’s like he’s physically doing other things, but it’s obvious that his mind is focused on the car. He did not go to his meeting last night b/c he was still working on the car. This all sounds silly, but it is almost scary to watch. I can’t put into words how bizarre it is. It’s really like a full blown obsession. If it’s possible that he has switched addictions from drugs to this, then THIS is definitely his addiction. I’m trying not to worry about it. I don’t bother him about it. I just let him do it. I don’t judge or make an attempt to control the behaviors. I try to just let it go, but I guess I’m just wondering if it’s normal? In recovery, is it OK to obsess about something other than using, or is it an unhealthy behavior to obsess in general? He has told me that he wants me to tell him when I observe him stepping out of his recovery b/c he’s not always good at recognizing it. I told him that I wasn’t comfortable doing this as it was a codie behavior, but I’m thinking this is as good of a time as any to let him know Im seeing some strange stuff going on.
Thanks!
So my RAH appears to be doing very well. He’s completed 90 meetings in 90 days and now goes to meetings 6 days a week. He’s still living in the SLE, but is spending a lot of time at our home w/the kids. He’s also working 40 hrs. a week. He and I are friendly. We have not been intimate, but we are getting along well. The children are definitely positiviely influenced by our kind, civil interactions. I make a conscious effort to keep my mouth shut and out of his business. Such a simple behavioral change on my part change can make such a significant impact on the entire family dynamics. We have separated our finances. I have no access to his account or how he spends his money (it feels great to not be checking). He is paying $900/month to our household, which is certainly enough to cover where I cannot. He takes the kids to church while I get a break/clean/grocery shop etc. It’s really been a nice arrangement. He has a new hobby-fixing up cars. He got an older car for about $2500 and is enjoying fixing it up. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know it’s great that he has a new hobby, keeps his mind occupied, and his hands busy. He is really proud of what he’s done, and I try to give him praise for these things. However, it has become an obsession. I don’t mean that he just spends a lot of time on it, I mean full blown can not stop thinking about it. He’ll come in to the house for a second, and then go back out to the car b/c he just thought of a crevice he missed. He comes in the house and goes from EBAY to homedepot.com to amazon, checking on trunk liners. He was painting the gear shifter and while the 1st coat is drying, he’s already planning his day around putting on the second coat. It’s like he’s physically doing other things, but it’s obvious that his mind is focused on the car. He did not go to his meeting last night b/c he was still working on the car. This all sounds silly, but it is almost scary to watch. I can’t put into words how bizarre it is. It’s really like a full blown obsession. If it’s possible that he has switched addictions from drugs to this, then THIS is definitely his addiction. I’m trying not to worry about it. I don’t bother him about it. I just let him do it. I don’t judge or make an attempt to control the behaviors. I try to just let it go, but I guess I’m just wondering if it’s normal? In recovery, is it OK to obsess about something other than using, or is it an unhealthy behavior to obsess in general? He has told me that he wants me to tell him when I observe him stepping out of his recovery b/c he’s not always good at recognizing it. I told him that I wasn’t comfortable doing this as it was a codie behavior, but I’m thinking this is as good of a time as any to let him know Im seeing some strange stuff going on.
Thanks!
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