Today is my 1st time walking away from drugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: allentown, PA
Posts: 5
Today is my 1st time walking away from drugs
I hate what i see when I'm sober, I look at the way I look when I'm high..... an I hate myself. What really sucks is its not just one drug that I'm using, its been from painkillers to coke to speed. Every time I start using uppers again when I come down I just wish I would die. I try to hide it around my friends, but I know they see it by know. But I'm determined to clean myself up! Anyone in a similar situation an got any advice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 689
The way you are feeling right now is totally normal.
I remember before I decided to clean up my act for good (I have one year clean this month) I looked in the mirror; and I hated the person I had become. I looked awful and I looked like a drug addict.
Since you are saying now you just want to die; you REALLY need to get yourself some help. Maybe AA/NA, therapy, rehab.. It can be really hard to get clean and stay clean on your own.
Good Luck
I remember before I decided to clean up my act for good (I have one year clean this month) I looked in the mirror; and I hated the person I had become. I looked awful and I looked like a drug addict.
Since you are saying now you just want to die; you REALLY need to get yourself some help. Maybe AA/NA, therapy, rehab.. It can be really hard to get clean and stay clean on your own.
Good Luck
TheMostSordidSpotOnEarth
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ParadiseOnEarth
Posts: 811
I got to that place where I couldn't live with drugs, but I couldn't live without them either. I had run the gamut from alcohol to pot, pills, powders, smoking heroin, methadone and more, and it exhausted me. I didn't think I was living the life I had been born to live. I was feeling evermore spiritually, mentally and physically bankrupt. I could no longer keep existing as I was, so I had to become willing to change. Thank goodness I did, because I've found happiness and freedom on the other side. The 12 steps have been my way out.
I saw that you're in Allentown, and I'll tell you why I've noted it. My first sponsor in NA is big into NA history, NA literature and NA traditionalism, and he was trying to get me to drive out to Allentown from NY on my last trip home to the states from Europe because he is such a proponent of some of the people in the fellowship there. You might want to check it out.
Here's a link that might be helpful to you -- there are at least 2 meetings on it for Allentown:
GROUP Experiences / Group & Activity Registry
You can also find other Narcotics Anonymous meetings through this link:
NA Meeting Locator
If you think you might be an alcoholic, you might also want to consider the wonderful fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous:
Alcoholics Anonymous : How to Find A.A. Meetings
I also like the fellowship of Cocaine Anonymous, which covers all drugs:
http://www.ca.org/meetings.html
I'm really glad you're reaching out, and I'm grateful you're here.
You are not alone.
We do recover.
SIU
I saw that you're in Allentown, and I'll tell you why I've noted it. My first sponsor in NA is big into NA history, NA literature and NA traditionalism, and he was trying to get me to drive out to Allentown from NY on my last trip home to the states from Europe because he is such a proponent of some of the people in the fellowship there. You might want to check it out.
Here's a link that might be helpful to you -- there are at least 2 meetings on it for Allentown:
GROUP Experiences / Group & Activity Registry
You can also find other Narcotics Anonymous meetings through this link:
NA Meeting Locator
If you think you might be an alcoholic, you might also want to consider the wonderful fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous:
Alcoholics Anonymous : How to Find A.A. Meetings
I also like the fellowship of Cocaine Anonymous, which covers all drugs:
http://www.ca.org/meetings.html
I'm really glad you're reaching out, and I'm grateful you're here.
You are not alone.
We do recover.
SIU
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR! When I quit using, I totally hated myself. Though crack is what brought me to my knees, I had previously seriously abused opiates, before that, drank like a fish...in other words, had been using SOMETHING to numb my feelings for decades.
I would recommend seeing a dr. and being honest. Get a good physical.
I also agree in getting some type of support..AA, NA, SMART, etc (there's a list in the stickies - the posts at the top of this forum). When I first tried to get clean from the opiates, I went to AA. There were more meetings, and though I'd drank a lot in my younger years, could care less about it, I still got a lot from the meetings and the supportive people. Found out, a LOT of people in AA are either addicts, or addicts and alcoholics. I just never mentioned my DOC, would say "pick up" instead of "using", stuff like that out of respect of the fact that it IS a meeting for alcoholics.
((Stepping)) has also given you some good resources, from her personal experience and believe me, she's come a LONG way from where she was when she first got here.
Expect to feel bad for a while. Your brain has gotten used to drugs to feel good, it takes time for it to start manufacturing those natural "feel good" endorphins again. I never had any physical withdrawals from crack, but the mental were pretty tough.
I clung to SR and the people here as a lifeline. I don't go to meetings any more, but I have some very supportive people in my life, and I honestly don't think recovery is possible if you DON'T have some type of support.
Life doesn't automatically get better when we get past the withdrawals, aren't using, etc. but life in RECOVERY, is way better than any day I had using. I've got over 4 years, still dealing with consequences of my using, but each night I go to sleep, knowing I didn't do anything I'm going to wake up hating myself for the next day, and that is a precious gift.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I would recommend seeing a dr. and being honest. Get a good physical.
I also agree in getting some type of support..AA, NA, SMART, etc (there's a list in the stickies - the posts at the top of this forum). When I first tried to get clean from the opiates, I went to AA. There were more meetings, and though I'd drank a lot in my younger years, could care less about it, I still got a lot from the meetings and the supportive people. Found out, a LOT of people in AA are either addicts, or addicts and alcoholics. I just never mentioned my DOC, would say "pick up" instead of "using", stuff like that out of respect of the fact that it IS a meeting for alcoholics.
((Stepping)) has also given you some good resources, from her personal experience and believe me, she's come a LONG way from where she was when she first got here.
Expect to feel bad for a while. Your brain has gotten used to drugs to feel good, it takes time for it to start manufacturing those natural "feel good" endorphins again. I never had any physical withdrawals from crack, but the mental were pretty tough.
I clung to SR and the people here as a lifeline. I don't go to meetings any more, but I have some very supportive people in my life, and I honestly don't think recovery is possible if you DON'T have some type of support.
Life doesn't automatically get better when we get past the withdrawals, aren't using, etc. but life in RECOVERY, is way better than any day I had using. I've got over 4 years, still dealing with consequences of my using, but each night I go to sleep, knowing I didn't do anything I'm going to wake up hating myself for the next day, and that is a precious gift.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
TheMostSordidSpotOnEarth
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ParadiseOnEarth
Posts: 811
Originally Posted by Impurrfect 
((Stepping)) has also given you some good resources, from her personal experience and believe me, she's come a LONG way from where she was when she first got here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Boca *****
Posts: 211
610.... CONGRATS... that first step is the hardest. I am an RX dependent/addicted person and my looks (as you said yours did) went down hill fast over the last year. My hair thinned out, I got acne (which I never had)... MY FACE IS BLOATED FROM KIDNEY DAMAGE...
God Bless You and Don't give up. Each day does get a TINY bit easier.
God Bless You and Don't give up. Each day does get a TINY bit easier.
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