Drummer

I am sure my story will sound very similar to others on here, but I really need some help and upport right now, and I don't know where to turn.

Let me give you a brief background. I am 34 years old. I was always a healthy individual. I worked out 4 or more times a week, I watched what I ate, didn't smoke tabacco, smoked weed since I was 18, drank alcohol once a week. Starting in summer of 2007 I wanted to quit smoking weed and reduce my drinking to once a month. So what did I do? I starting taking 5mg Vicodins every Friday. After about a year of that, it was EVERY Friday AND Sunday. That continued till a went on unemployment in winter of 2009, then I was taking about 6 10mg Norcos every other day, every 3 days, etc... (always using C.W.E btw)

Then I had an injury in early 2010, I was now prescribed 10mg norcos. Now that I had a legitimate injury, it was easy to take 100mgs a day, back to back days, etc. Then I had surgery in early 2011. I then began taking 140mg's of norcos every single day. In April, I tried quitting cold turkey. I got 3 days in and caved. Went back to the 140mg's a day.

The pain from the surgery has finally gotten better, and on Saturday, June 11th 2011, I took my last pills. I knew what to expect this time as far as withdrawl symptoms go. I quit cold turkey, I am at the end of my 3rd complete day without any opiates, weed, or tabacco!

Even though I never smoked tobacco, starting about 8 months ago I develpoed an pack a day habit to help enhance the opiate high. I am also on my 3rd day of quitting tobacco.

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST!

2 days ago I started a detox diet of sorts. homeade veggie broth, raw veggies, yogurt, skim milk, and unsweetened green tea, fresh fruit, and salmon. I am getting married in 2 months and I want to lose all this weight I have gained before the wedding (about 30 lbs overweight). I also want this time in my life put behind me. I started riding my mountain bike (doing about 30 mins last 2 days). I am also taking vitamins, milk thistle, Immodium. I have been taking klonopin for a sleep disorder for over a year (never abused it, take it as prescribed, and I wouldnt take it when still on opiates.)

To sum it up. I am feeling guilty for what I have done to my body. I am feeling happy that it seems like I will get through this. I have some depressing mood swings at nights. My finace thought I quit in April, right now she thinks I am going thru some serious tobacco withdrawls! I really think the detox diet and exercise, along with the Immodium AD, are carrying me through this time.

Thanks for reading this, PLEASE, PLEASE, comment early and often, I need all the communication I can get. There is no one I know that could relate or understand what I am going through right now.

Thanks Again.

jennybeth

Hey Drummer, congratulations on your wedding!

You're doing really great! Wow, you have got a super healthy regimen going for yourself! I have a great website for quitting smoking: Quit Smoking All Together: the Web's Largest Quit Smoking Community, that should keep you busy, look for the QuitStop and the Other Addiction forums there.

I just wanted to congratulate you on your super attitude and your great success. I feel for you, it's normal to be in pain about where you're at. Be gentle with yourself and great job!

Tryin2Recover

welcome to SR...I just have to say, EASY DOES IT MAN!!! You are driving at a lot of difficult changes here, and by no means am I telling you to stop doin what your doin but make sure you prioritize. First things first keep off them pills. That is most important right now. If you arent clean, you can forget about the rest, the smoking, diet, etc. Good luck and keep postin!

newby1961

day1 Drummer

You sure do have a lot on your plate but from the sounds of it you are doing okay so far?

Have you ever been to a NA or AA meeting?

All I can say is put one foot in front of the other and do the next right indicated thing. Also be kind to yourself because you need all the love & support you can get in the early days.

Glad to see you have found SR keep posting..Peace

Drummer

Yea, I have always been kind of an all or nothing guy. Although it may seem crazy to change ALL of my bad health habits at once, it really is something I can get behind. Diet and exercise were a big part of my life before pills, going back to that lifestyle seems very natural to me. In fact, I would go as far as to say that each accomplishment is feeding confidence to each goal. Diet, exercise, and quitting pills are all working together, and making me feel that each hour is a step towards getting my life back.

But yes, the priority is the pills.

Drummer

No, I have never been to a meeting, what I typed above would be VERY VERY difficult to say out-loud to another person. Not against it by any means, but not sure if it is the right time. I have very low self-esteem and social anxiety disorder. But, being on here is perfect...maybe not ideal in the long run, but to get me through these first days, then weeks.

CarolD

Glad to know you are heading into a better future..Welcome...

FT

Drummer,

You are awesome to accomplish so much so fast. It will ALL be worth it.

You will find that, as a relatively young guy who has been fit and healthy in the past, you will bounce back sooner that a lot of us.

You will also find that the endorphins you thought you had lost while addicted (i.e., the runner's high you used to get, which is destroyed by opiates), will return and you will get a new rush from exercise. Maybe you already have.

Most of all, you are not alone. Quitting opiates is tough at best, and you are doing much more than that.

Your fiance is getting a great guy.

FT

Drummer

Wow, thank you so much FT!

Had a little bit of trouble sleeping last night, but today is the start of day 4, and I am actually craving junk food more than anything right now. My fast food intake was thru the roof the past year, hence the 30 extra pounds. I was actually having very vivid dreams about McDonalds...lol

Well here I go, day 4!

FT

Hey, Drummer:

Expect sleep problems, as well as crazy racing thoughts in the middle of the night, weird vivid dreams that come when you barely realize you even are asleep, and HUGE fatigue for a few weeks. If you can push through the fatigue and get SOME exercise, it helps a lot. Just don't exercise too close to bedtime, or the insomnia is even worse.

The detox diet you describe is probably a good idea, especially the teas and soups and any other increased fluids you can handle. Your digestive tract gets screwed up on opiates, so don't expect an overnight return to normal there. Stomach cramps are common, too.

The first 3 days are usually the worst, followed by increasingly good days. Don't let "setbacks" worry you, because some days you will feel like you are back to square one. I don't know why that happens, but it can discourage you. They pass, though, and in a few weeks you will be wondering why you EVER thought taking opiates was a good idea.

Opiates are in insidious poison, though, so don't let your guard down. Even one or two pills can wreck your whole recovery plan. Read the threads here as much as you can, for there are lots of good withdrawal stories, and recovery stories, and even some humor mixed into it all.

I'm glad you are here. This place literally got my butt to stay off opiates, when I found out I was not the first one to do what I did and come out the other side not dead. Ha!

I hope your day is a good one.

FT

Drummer

Thanks again FT for your support. Going to head to the gym for some very light weight lifting, and probably sit in the sauna for a bit. Feeling pretty good at the moment. For whatever reason the WD symptoms do not seem as bad as they were when I tried to quit the 1st time in April. Maybe it's the diet, exercise, my mental state, etc...

So, I am going to keep this routine going as long as possible. But I feel very good that it is day 4 clean and I am actually doing it!

Drummer

It helps typing whats on my mind, so sorry if it bores everyone.

Just got back from a good workout at the gym, went into the sauna for 8 mins, and I feel good right now. Not great, but good. Going to the gym is a little depressing because it is sobering to see how far I have let myself go healthwise. Obviously, I can't get back to the shape I was in years ago right away. But, I am dedicated to getting as healthy as possible, in the healthiest way. NO shortcuts using drugs to lose weight, etc...never did that, never will.

I can't believe I am on day 4!!!!!! I haven't gone 4 days without pills in years! It's both depressing that I took pills for so long, and fantastic that I am kicking it.

FT

Drummer,

Don't worry. Every cell in your body was affected by the opiates, so naturally it takes time for them to regain their equilibrium. You are still detoxing, and so fluids in and sweating out helps the process. Even without moving around much, a lot of people have hot and cold sweats during detox, if that is happening to you don't be surprised.

Be careful after the sauna that you don't pass out! Dehydration can hit fast, and down you go. It is just more exaggerated in detoxing situations, so pump those fluids hard.

Lots of people also hold water when they are taking opiates, so that is the other thing going on, is you may lose fluids faster now.

Day 4! Yay! Every day clean is like money in the bank, a thing I repeat probably too often. But it is true. The more days behind you, the more days you have clean, the better you will feel. The clear head returns first, the stamina later.

Great going!

FT

Drummer

Well I am nearing the end of day 4! Feeling pretty good except for the strangest thing is making me sad. I have been watching the show "Scrubs" on Netflix at night to counteract the depression I usually feel when going to bed now that I am off the pills. Unfortunately, I only have about 8 episodes left that I haven't seen I have gone thru almost all 180 episodes in the past few weeks. For whatever reason this is causing me some anxiety and depression. I am worried that I won't have anything funny to watch, but most of all, I feel like I will miss those TV characters...LOL it sounds crazy just typing it! I could use some suggestions for comedy; unfortunately, I am usually pretty picky with my television shows. I like Seinfeld, The Office, Scrubs, and Curb Your Enthusiasm. I feel a bit embarrassed by this; normally I don't fall in love with fictional TV characters.

Drummer

This is an interesting point. I weighed myself on the last day I was on pills, then 2 days after quitting and I lost like 4 lbs.

Keeping hydrated and busy has been the priority. Along with taking in adequate and REALLY healthy food. I have never eaten this healthy in my life, but it really isn't that bad. Honestly, the raw veggies taste better everytime I eat them!

I am going to reward myself this weekend with one sensible meal. I am thinking chicken tacos with some beans and rice. Alos attending a costume party. That is where I will be challenged with smoking tobacco. I don't really know anyone who takes pills, so at least I don't have that to worry about. I can't imagine what it would be like if your loved one was also a user, and only one person wanted to quit. SORRY, feeling good and babbling.

Smile123

You are doing great! Tomorrow is day 5 and trust me it just keeps getting better and better. Thanks for keeping us updated!

Drummer

Ugh, got about 3 hours of sleep last night. Maybe I will be able to take a nap in a few hours....hope so. Don't feel well. Day 5 whoo...hooo...

FT

Hi Drummer:

This is only day 5, so nothing you are feeling is really unexpected, just unwelcome. Everyone will tell you the first week is the worst. And it is. The first week is the first "trial by fire" you have to get through. On day 5, I was happy I hadn't died from feeling like crap so far. But that was about the only reason I was happy. If I had had an OXY lying in front of me on day 5, that would have been a very bad idea. It is no wonder many people don't make it past the first few days, especially if they have kept a supply around "just in case." Here is one of many "just in case" days.

For me, the worst part was not being able to sleep, despite the worst fatigue I have ever felt. Who knew that extreme exhaustion, tiredness, no energy, and lack of sleep would not add up to collapsing into a snoring lump? Geez! What does it TAKE to fall asleep anyway?

All I know is that insomnia seems to plague most of us in the early days. If you ever had insomnia before the opiates, it seems to be even worse. I am one of those. If you never had trouble with sleep before, you should get your normal sleep patterns back at some point. I still have trouble, but NOTHING like the first few weeks in recovery.

So, you aren't going to feel well while you are not getting any rest. That's why most of us recommend not even TRYING to work while you feel like this. I couldn't. Most can't. I HAD to work the second week, and my mental clarity was returning (sorta, no sleep messes with your mental clarity obviously), but I could barely move an INCH in the first few weeks, the lethargy and exhaustion was so bad.

Just keep remembering that you are still detoxing, and after that, the cells of your body still have to relearn their normal function. Especially your brain cells, which will do all kinds of crazy stuff with the crazy racing thoughts, weird dreams (thought you weren't asleep, did ya?) when you didn't even know you were asleep, etc.), and so on. For me, I couldn't make the same crapass song stop playing in my head continuously. Geez!

So, hang in there. This is your challenge week. The big one. If you can make it past this week, it's one in the bank and counting. Time goes slowly when you feel like this, so cut yourself a break however you can, and if you aren't sleeping, at least try to hydrate and rest, if your legs let ya.

FT

Drummer

Thanks FT!

I was able to get in a 2 hour nap and I feel a whole lot better. I actually developed some sleeping problems while on was taking the pills, thats why I was prescribed .5mg of Klonopin a night. I have never abused that and I never will, it just makes me feel sleepy. But, for this week I have been taking 3/4 of a pill instead of just a half every night. Without it, I would be in some serious trouble.

Feeling good. I am unemployed and have been for over a year, so the sleep pattern thing wont get me fired. But I do feel depressed when I sleep into the afternoon and then especially when I am awake all by myself late at night.

I got a lot of stuff to do today regarding the wedding and applying for jobs, plus the sun is out and a bike ride is in the near future.

Thanks for all your help, it makes it so much easier to talk to all the helpful people on here!

Day 5!!!!!!!

Drummer

To be honest, I have pills within reach since I quit. I have been able to resist the temptation. I just came back from a 10 mile bike ride and I am feeling pretty good.

I am having some minor halucinations when looking at patterened carpet or when I close my eyes. Is this normal?