tromboneliness

Both of you need to understand that you can't control each other.

If your Mom wants to drink herself to death, she's going to go ahead and do that, and you are not going to stop her.

If you and your husband are going to sail around the world, at the risk of running into storms, mechanical problems, and pirate-infested waters off Somalia, you are going to go ahead and do that, and Mom is not going to stop you.

That's what it all boils down to. When y'all start getting on the phone and talking about each other behind one another's respective backs, what's going on is that you're trying to figure out ways of controlling each other. That doesn't work very well.

What makes us crazy is when we obsess about things that are out of our hands -- namely, other people. They are autonomous, and they make decisions we think are foolish, self-destructive, and generally not helpful. But at the end of the day, we have no choice but to let them make those bad decisions... and take the consequences (which is the only way they learn anything).

T

StarShine

I want to Thank you both for your comments and perspectives.

I asked the moderator to delete my post because I felt I had 'overshared' and it would be easy to figure out who I was if someone I know read the post. Part of me doesn't care, but then that other part that is still dealing with unresolved issues does.

I don't think of myself as a 'controlling' person generally but in this situation yes, you better bet I wished I could control her drinking. After watching another family member spend three years degenerating to the point of ending up in a hospital bed unable to talk, walk, or feed himself, I just don't want to witness that happen to one of the people I love the most in this world, and the one that gave birth to me...I just don't know how I could live with that...I have been thinking about it all the time...the worst case scenario...

Good point Darklight...Nobody can 'make us' feel a certain way...this is a big lesson I am just now only learning. Just because someone insinuates something does not mean that is reality but only their perspective...and one must be strong enough to control their own perspective on the World.

Back to the drawing board...I feel like a Toddler just learning how to navigate thoughts and feelings relative to my insides first and then bringing them into the world to be considered by others...

Thanks again - more information to chew on and learn from.

P.S. I do not plan on sailing to Somalia ;0)