Daughter Newly Bipolar
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 107
Daughter Newly Bipolar
Hi Friends,
My 20 year old daughter recently had what we have been told is her first psychotic break and is now diagnosed Bipolar. This is incredibly hard to deal with because it came on out of the blue, but there is no question about what is going on. She went from a mostly normal but somewhat anxious 20 yr old student to delusional, paranoid and manic. She was handcuffed, hauled away by police, sedated and put in a mental hospital for a week. No history of anything like this.
She has been out for about 10 days now and we have gone back to the mental hospital twice, psychiatric urgent care once, and she has had 2 counseling and 1 psychiatrist visit. She hates meds and doesn't want to take them, but understands she needs help right now. She is STILL manic, over 2 weeks later, every day coming up with a new grand scheme to radically change her life, and very much resents the concern we have and the fact that we want to know where she is and if she is ok. Just prior to her break, she hadn't eaten or slept for 3 days and drank very little water. (She was with her boyfriend, not with family, he is the one who finally called 911). I think she is headed in that direction again, not being able to sleep.
My heart breaks for her and I am really struggling with how to be there for her right now, and when to determine that she cannot make her own decisions. She remains honest and generally uses good judgment so I am giving her as much space as I can but I am really full of fear that she is going to harm herself, just give up on life because she cannot feel normal mentally yet. She also plans to go out of state to stay with an aunt who I do not think is prepared to handle a psychotic break, and my daugher will be away from her health care although she says she will come back for it. She is staying away from me the last day or so which generally means she isn't doing well and it is taking everything I have not to camp out at the boyfriend's house just to get a look at her.
I'm in therapy now too, also a recovering alcholic and do all the program work. I'm going to find a family support group for families of the mentally ill. I've ordered a few books.
Guess I'm just looking for any kind of wisdom or experience here. Do I keep checking in with her, even if she ignores me sometimes or tells me to back off? Push more? Back off? The what-ifs are killing me. She can hate me forever if she gets better and makes it through this.
My 20 year old daughter recently had what we have been told is her first psychotic break and is now diagnosed Bipolar. This is incredibly hard to deal with because it came on out of the blue, but there is no question about what is going on. She went from a mostly normal but somewhat anxious 20 yr old student to delusional, paranoid and manic. She was handcuffed, hauled away by police, sedated and put in a mental hospital for a week. No history of anything like this.
She has been out for about 10 days now and we have gone back to the mental hospital twice, psychiatric urgent care once, and she has had 2 counseling and 1 psychiatrist visit. She hates meds and doesn't want to take them, but understands she needs help right now. She is STILL manic, over 2 weeks later, every day coming up with a new grand scheme to radically change her life, and very much resents the concern we have and the fact that we want to know where she is and if she is ok. Just prior to her break, she hadn't eaten or slept for 3 days and drank very little water. (She was with her boyfriend, not with family, he is the one who finally called 911). I think she is headed in that direction again, not being able to sleep.
My heart breaks for her and I am really struggling with how to be there for her right now, and when to determine that she cannot make her own decisions. She remains honest and generally uses good judgment so I am giving her as much space as I can but I am really full of fear that she is going to harm herself, just give up on life because she cannot feel normal mentally yet. She also plans to go out of state to stay with an aunt who I do not think is prepared to handle a psychotic break, and my daugher will be away from her health care although she says she will come back for it. She is staying away from me the last day or so which generally means she isn't doing well and it is taking everything I have not to camp out at the boyfriend's house just to get a look at her.
I'm in therapy now too, also a recovering alcholic and do all the program work. I'm going to find a family support group for families of the mentally ill. I've ordered a few books.
Guess I'm just looking for any kind of wisdom or experience here. Do I keep checking in with her, even if she ignores me sometimes or tells me to back off? Push more? Back off? The what-ifs are killing me. She can hate me forever if she gets better and makes it through this.
Last edited by caughtinthemid; 05-08-2011 at 12:27 AM. Reason: typo
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: oklahoma city,oklahoma
Posts: 30
My advice as someone who has mental problems and had problems with my own parents in the past is never give up on her.
With your love and counseling from a professional and the right combo of meds it's very possible she can come around.
She may never be like the daughter she once was but with counseling and meds she can function in life and appreciate you being there for her.
My heart goes out to you,you have a difficult road ahead of you,also remember to take care of yourself going back to the bottle is only going to make things more miserable god bless.
With your love and counseling from a professional and the right combo of meds it's very possible she can come around.
She may never be like the daughter she once was but with counseling and meds she can function in life and appreciate you being there for her.
My heart goes out to you,you have a difficult road ahead of you,also remember to take care of yourself going back to the bottle is only going to make things more miserable god bless.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Nottinghamshire, UK
Posts: 55
Hi sorry you having a hard time of it.
I agree wholeheartedly with Navyvet. Please dont give up checking in with her. In years to came in her clear moments she will appreciate that you didnt give up no matter what.
Thats what mothers are supposed to do.
Hopefully you will be able to find a way to keep checking in with her without her feeling you are on her back. There has to be an inbetween that you will no doubt finally find.
One of my closest friends is bi polar and she feels that her mother just doesnt give two hoots most of the time, unless my friend is having an episode when her mother doesnt help her but gives her a hard unloving time instead.
Its going to take you time to find your way.
I hope the road isnt too painful for you. Hopefully you will find this forum a great help in your tough time ahead
I agree wholeheartedly with Navyvet. Please dont give up checking in with her. In years to came in her clear moments she will appreciate that you didnt give up no matter what.
Thats what mothers are supposed to do.
Hopefully you will be able to find a way to keep checking in with her without her feeling you are on her back. There has to be an inbetween that you will no doubt finally find.
One of my closest friends is bi polar and she feels that her mother just doesnt give two hoots most of the time, unless my friend is having an episode when her mother doesnt help her but gives her a hard unloving time instead.
Its going to take you time to find your way.
I hope the road isnt too painful for you. Hopefully you will find this forum a great help in your tough time ahead
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
(((Big Hugs))
Hi, I'm bipolar was always pushing my mom away..until I took my medication everyday, worked on myself..I didn't want to be around her, I felt she just didn't understand....now we are the best of friends...she didn't give up on me....so the situation really depends on your daughter...I can suggest calling her/leaving messages of support and love...but ultimately your daughter will have to come around... Check to see if there is any bipolar family meetings in your area, and suggest you go together?
If your daughter won't take her meds, the chances of getting well are slim..does she drink as well... I did and made the symptoms that much worse.. I kinda relate bipolar as having diabetes...its a disease you can't see..but have to take meds for everyday...
I wish you and your daughter all of Gods blessings....
Hi, I'm bipolar was always pushing my mom away..until I took my medication everyday, worked on myself..I didn't want to be around her, I felt she just didn't understand....now we are the best of friends...she didn't give up on me....so the situation really depends on your daughter...I can suggest calling her/leaving messages of support and love...but ultimately your daughter will have to come around... Check to see if there is any bipolar family meetings in your area, and suggest you go together?
If your daughter won't take her meds, the chances of getting well are slim..does she drink as well... I did and made the symptoms that much worse.. I kinda relate bipolar as having diabetes...its a disease you can't see..but have to take meds for everyday...
I wish you and your daughter all of Gods blessings....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness - Mental Health Support, Education and Advocacy
This is one of my favorite organizations.
My thoughts are with you while you continue on your own path of recovery and struggle to understand hers. My thoughts are with you.
This is one of my favorite organizations.
My thoughts are with you while you continue on your own path of recovery and struggle to understand hers. My thoughts are with you.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Children can do more to break our hearts than anyone else can whether they have mental health issues or not. My heart goes out to you especially on this day.
This is coming from the point of view of someone who is an alcoholic and also bipolar, diagnosed in fairly early sobriety around 5 years as the doctors have always diagnosed it as depression prior to that because I only sought help when I was down.
Bipolar disease can be devastating to families and the person with the illness. The ups and downs pull us all in so many directions, they raise our hopes then smash them into the ground. I can not say how many times I have has some grand plan or scheme to improve my life only to when the high did the inevitable turn to down crashed all around me and I failed to achieve the goals I set which only made my depression worse.
I would recommend reading a book called "The Bipolar Handbook" by Wes Burgess. It is written in a question and answer format and is designed for both the families and the bipolar person as well. I have found it to be of immense help to both my partner and myself. If you do a search here in the mental health forums for it you will find excerpts from it that I have posted along the way.
Please remember you can not save your daughter, the power lays with her. She has to be the one willing to take the meds, follow the doctors advice, and do the therapy that is required for a life time to treat this illness. I know that part of my therapy is a sleeping pill because when the mania starts it disrupts my sleeping patterns and the lack of sleep only increases my mania setting me up for a harder crash the longer I go without sleep. I don't know if you could ask her is she would talk to her doctor about this or not but please do not take it to heart if she does not. She has to be her own advocate in this although you can help supply her with information by learning all you can about the disease. I have been fighting with this disease for over 10 years now that I know of and I don't know how many years before that although the patterns are there that I have been fighting with it most of my adult life. I thank God for understanding and supportive people in my life and that there is a lot of good information available to assist us. Encourage your daughter to partner with her doctor and work with him stating her thoughts about medications and changes made to them. She needs to realize that for her to get better she needs to be able to communicate with her doctor what is and what is not working in her life.
Take care. One thing you might consider is going to ALANON. They will teach you some of the skills that will help in dealing with her illness, such as letting go that which you can not change or control and being ok with that in yourself. Hope you keep us posted on how things go.
This is coming from the point of view of someone who is an alcoholic and also bipolar, diagnosed in fairly early sobriety around 5 years as the doctors have always diagnosed it as depression prior to that because I only sought help when I was down.
Bipolar disease can be devastating to families and the person with the illness. The ups and downs pull us all in so many directions, they raise our hopes then smash them into the ground. I can not say how many times I have has some grand plan or scheme to improve my life only to when the high did the inevitable turn to down crashed all around me and I failed to achieve the goals I set which only made my depression worse.
I would recommend reading a book called "The Bipolar Handbook" by Wes Burgess. It is written in a question and answer format and is designed for both the families and the bipolar person as well. I have found it to be of immense help to both my partner and myself. If you do a search here in the mental health forums for it you will find excerpts from it that I have posted along the way.
Please remember you can not save your daughter, the power lays with her. She has to be the one willing to take the meds, follow the doctors advice, and do the therapy that is required for a life time to treat this illness. I know that part of my therapy is a sleeping pill because when the mania starts it disrupts my sleeping patterns and the lack of sleep only increases my mania setting me up for a harder crash the longer I go without sleep. I don't know if you could ask her is she would talk to her doctor about this or not but please do not take it to heart if she does not. She has to be her own advocate in this although you can help supply her with information by learning all you can about the disease. I have been fighting with this disease for over 10 years now that I know of and I don't know how many years before that although the patterns are there that I have been fighting with it most of my adult life. I thank God for understanding and supportive people in my life and that there is a lot of good information available to assist us. Encourage your daughter to partner with her doctor and work with him stating her thoughts about medications and changes made to them. She needs to realize that for her to get better she needs to be able to communicate with her doctor what is and what is not working in her life.
Take care. One thing you might consider is going to ALANON. They will teach you some of the skills that will help in dealing with her illness, such as letting go that which you can not change or control and being ok with that in yourself. Hope you keep us posted on how things go.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: sc
Posts: 62
Hey I'm new just stumbled across this thread but I am bipolar which I don't have that bad but I understand and I know the answers can be very confusing but I know that when i have my episodes I don't want anyone botheribg me but at the same time I get mad if no one does! Very confusing I know fortunately my bipolar is the type where my moods can change in minutes which can suck too bc I can be having a great day and 5hen bam. I would say dnt give up on her let her know you are there but dont over crowd to if thqt makes any sense. I can also relate to not wanting to take meds it sucks knowing that you have to take something everydau for the rest of your life, but if she finds what works for her eventuwlly she will relize there are more benefits to taking them. i am ready for my meds I'm qpregnant but a month or two after the baby is born I plan on going back on them. Hope this was somewhat usefull and good luck w your daughter
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