likehappiness

I am just about 4 months clean and sober and am tired of my crazy thinking. I was hoping that it would eventually start to go away but the past few weeks it has gotten worse.

Everyday I am thankful that I have no drugs in my house and have no access to them per say. I am not willing to go on the hunt for them and probably wouldn't find the one I want anyway. It's like I have the Good Angel on one shoulder and the Bad Devil on the other and they are just beating the **** out of each other and my thoughts are in the middle and having to listen to them go at it.

At night I dream about using drugs in the weirdest of circumstances. Occassionally I dream about drinking too but no like the using drugs (IV).

What really ticks me off is that my whole life has had to be rearranged because of my drug use and still I want to screw it up some more. Do these crazy thoughts ever get better? Weird thing is...I DON'T crave the drug I just have these random thoughts and dreams of using.

Staying clean and sober with the angel and devil.

billsaintjames

Hi likehappiness, I am 91 days sober and I can relate to what you´re talking about, particularly the dreams. My occasional dreams about substances bother me a bit but aren´t horribly intense. However, since I got sober, I have been having some really ****ed up dreams about other things, especially in the last 60 days or so. I deal with some of the general "crazy thinking" during the waking hours as well.

It´s just our bodies and minds forcing us to cope with the experiences and emotions that we shut down for years. I am happy that these feelings are coming out because I know it is healthy.

And congrats on your 4 months, I look forward to hitting that mark soon.

totfit

One way to get around this is to find something else to get semi-obsessed about. It would of course be best if it were a healthy pursuit. Set some goals and work towards them. I got better after I stopped obsessing about staying stopped and started working towards other goals. My most current is I just finished a half marathon this past weekend. I also worked all this year towards said goal and finished well. I am now planning my future runs. I am not a kid, I am 52 years old in less than a couple of weeks. Doing things like this is what keeps my addiction totally in the background and a non-issue. There are many things you can do to get rid of this thinking. Unfortunately, something that will work is time. Sometimes we just have to be patient.

likehappiness

Thanks totfit. Congrats on your half marathon. I have done it 3 times and actually since I have been sober have started working out again so maybe I will do another one next year myself. Not up for 13 miles yet but have been doing 3 miles almost daily.

I just needed a place to rant cause it's making me a little crazed and I am back to not sleeping well. I have always been an insomniac and drug abuse doesn't help that AT ALL. Unfortunately I went from going 100 miles an hour daily to going about 35 miles and hour and have tons of road rage. LOL Trying to live by "Easy Does It" and "One Day at a Time".

Thanks everyone.

AcceptingChange

"Do these crazy thoughts ever get better?"
I have the same thoughts about my crazy thoughts. I want to be 100% clean, but my mind, my body, constantly feel off. I think i have to start to accept that my natural state of existence is one of discomfort.
I feel like a frog hopping from one idea that i think will work to another. I keep thinking the next hop will be the last. But then the next idea doesn't work, and i have to hop again, due to discomfort. I truly, truly want to be clean, clear and steady. But even after months, the clear doesn't seem to come with the steady.
I was never a "get obliterated" type of user. i used a light amount, just to feel more confident, more connected with others. It was more like an anti-depressant than it was a complete escape from my mind.
I'm working out too, getting up early, eating well.
I'll keep it up, no looking back. But yeah, i have the same experience as you.

FT

Excellent, excellent observations, Accepting Change! Yes!

If you think about it, ALL of us have a natural state of existence that is one of discomfort. Who ever said that we were supposed to be comfortable in the first place?

From our first moments on this earth, it is discomfort that moves us to action. Babies cry because of the discomfort of hunger. Mothers comfort them due to their own discomfort at hearing them cry. If we are lucky, we continue to eat as adults only when we get uncomfortable with hunger and need ot eat, or we get fat. Those are just simple examples. Many of our actions are based on discomfort. Unfortunately, so is addiction.

It is when we think we need to be comfortable all the time that we run into trouble. I loved your observation.

When we get clean, we have to accept that we won't feel good or comfortable all the time, and that just because we feel uncomfortable we don't need to medicate ourselves.

Just remember, especially in withdrawal, you rarely get your best ideas in the middle of the night when you can't sleep. And the world is never as bad as it seems at that hour of the day, either.

Crazy, racing thoughts seem to be a common, if not pervasive, theme in recovery. Don't start thinking of some weird song -- it will never go away.