Howdy12

I don't even know what questions to ask anymore, what statements to make, or who to talk to.

I'm sick of going from anti-depressant to anti-depressant. In my experience they only numb me, I no longer cry but I don't feel anything. I don't know if being in a constant state of severe depression is better or worse than feeling nothing.

I journal a lot and when I'm on anti-depressants I feel like I just don't have any thoughts...maybe that's how normal people feel? I don't know what it means to feel "normal."

I feel like the walking dead and I don't know what to do. I've been to therapists before, I'm sick of the medication and doctor's visits. People ask why I feel this way and all I can say is "I don't know." I used to talk to my best friend because she seems the most understanding but if I plan to keep my one true friend in this world I can't consume her with my problems anymore.

It will be easier to resign myself to this state of being and loneliness...it's not like it's a new feeling.

tyler

I wish I had some really inspirational words to give you, but all I can say is I understand how you feel because I often feel the same way. I also started feeling bad around the same age, about 12, and have gone on to abuse drugs, food, myself, etc.

I am not willing to give up hope. There are many days that I feel like I just can't do it anymore. I don't care enough about myself to do it for myself. So I have to go on for others. My parents, my son, even my ex wife. I do it for them in hope that someday I will be well enough to do it for myself. Is that ever going to happen? I really don't know, but I've gotta at least try. Hope you're doing better. Take care.