fluffyflea

Hi Everyone,

So tell me how do you have a relationship with someone who hasborderline personality disorder if they are so impulsive about everything and so easily threatened andafraid of abandonment?

Ngaire

suki44883

Is this person in therapy for the problem? BPD needs intense therapy and it can take a long time. I suppose if they are honestly seeking help for their problem, you can try to be supportive, but it's a long row to hoe. If they aren't getting help or have no desire to get help, then, you are probably looking at an impossible situation. This is just my opinion after having a daughter diagnosed with BPD. That was almost two years ago. She is doing great now, but it definitely was not easy.

ranae1221

How does anyone have a relationship with someone who is Bipolar and not in treatment, is an addict and refusing to quit or who is a compulsive liar and in denial? IMO you can't have a healthy relationship with someone who is not healthy themselves. That's not to say you can't have a relationship, but you can't expect it to be a "normal healthy" one when the person is not healthy.

fluffyflea

Thanx for the replies,

They are being treated for Bi-Polar and have the BPD. They have been in therapy for 11 years and lie to their therapist basically lie to everyone about everything. They have had 3 relapses of drinking that I know of in the last 6 weeks. Overdosed 4 weeks ago, then back in the hospital again after another relapse in order to shift the focus of the relapse. Has problems with compulsive behaviours like eating spending money and sex so goes to a strip joint while visiting brother and lies about it. I stick with him through all this crap and he ends up just making really bad choices some ofwhich were disrespectful to me and I'm not a doormat.

Anyways we aren;t together, I'm not going back I'm just tying to understand this illness. Our relationship was built on lies which all came tumbling down after awhile. I'm quite angry and trying to grieve. I have to go and get tested for std's now because I don't trust anything that he said about the strip joint or the nights he went off and relapsed.

Ngaire

fluffyflea

A lot of my angst is I feel guilty for leaving and wonder if I did the right thing,could i HAVE done or said something else differently or better. That;s the co-depependent in me.

Ngaire

suki44883

No, hun. There is nothing you could have said or done that would have made any difference. This person sounds like a train wreck, and the fact that he lies to his medical care providers just shows that he has no intention of truly getting help. I am glad to know that you have left that situation. Yes, please get yourself tested, and take some time to be extra good to yourself.

fluffyflea

Thanks!