Meth recovery. living with paranoia
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1
Meth recovery. living with paranoia
Hi all,
First of all, I just want to say sorry if its hard to understand my post, English is my second language.
I have been clean for nearly 6 months. I was a heavy pot and meth user for nearly 4 years.
I used to do meth and pot on a daily basis, and I also did some other substances occasionally. The first time I was introduced to crystal meth was during a house party in one of my friends house. Being a foreigner, I was young and tryin to fit in with my surroundings, so I decided to give it a try. Like any other user, I got addicted to it, and started doing it allday everyday.
I lost my job, my family, and almost got dropped out of school. My brother found out about my addiction, and decided to help me out. I was clean for almost 1 month before I started using again.
One day, I went to my friend's house to pick up some meth and weed. I never had any paranoia high before, but that day I was out of control, I felt like my friends were making fun of me, and attacking me. I even felt like they were recording me being high. I did not even say a word for nearly 3 hours.
It was the worst situation I have ever been in, and after that day, I decided to quit for good. Now, it has been for 6 months, and I have never touched meth anymore. I did smoke weed for like 3 or 4 times. I felt like meth has changed my personality in alot of ways. I used to be fun, and be able to socialize with others easily. Now, I felt like everybody hates me for some reason, and I felt like I did something really bad that makes people hate me.
I never felt this lonely in my entire life before.
I am trying to stay away from my old friends because I feel like being around them would get me to use again. I moved to different area just to stay clean, but the past is always following me. Now, I feel like my friends are trying to harm me or something like that. Its hard for me to find new friends. I lost my confidence, and I cant trust anybody anymore. A few weeks ago, one of my old friends got busted and sent to jail. I dont know what I have to do. Do I need to go visit him or just to stay away from those people?
Making contact with my old friends remind me of the old me, and it triggers the paranoid attack that I have been having.
Everywhere I go, I feel like everybody is talking about me, and there are always voices in my head saying that they dont like me being there.
Is this part of the recovery that I have to deal with? Did you guys also feel the same way when you were recovering?
First of all, I just want to say sorry if its hard to understand my post, English is my second language.
I have been clean for nearly 6 months. I was a heavy pot and meth user for nearly 4 years.
I used to do meth and pot on a daily basis, and I also did some other substances occasionally. The first time I was introduced to crystal meth was during a house party in one of my friends house. Being a foreigner, I was young and tryin to fit in with my surroundings, so I decided to give it a try. Like any other user, I got addicted to it, and started doing it allday everyday.
I lost my job, my family, and almost got dropped out of school. My brother found out about my addiction, and decided to help me out. I was clean for almost 1 month before I started using again.
One day, I went to my friend's house to pick up some meth and weed. I never had any paranoia high before, but that day I was out of control, I felt like my friends were making fun of me, and attacking me. I even felt like they were recording me being high. I did not even say a word for nearly 3 hours.
It was the worst situation I have ever been in, and after that day, I decided to quit for good. Now, it has been for 6 months, and I have never touched meth anymore. I did smoke weed for like 3 or 4 times. I felt like meth has changed my personality in alot of ways. I used to be fun, and be able to socialize with others easily. Now, I felt like everybody hates me for some reason, and I felt like I did something really bad that makes people hate me.
I never felt this lonely in my entire life before.
I am trying to stay away from my old friends because I feel like being around them would get me to use again. I moved to different area just to stay clean, but the past is always following me. Now, I feel like my friends are trying to harm me or something like that. Its hard for me to find new friends. I lost my confidence, and I cant trust anybody anymore. A few weeks ago, one of my old friends got busted and sent to jail. I dont know what I have to do. Do I need to go visit him or just to stay away from those people?
Making contact with my old friends remind me of the old me, and it triggers the paranoid attack that I have been having.
Everywhere I go, I feel like everybody is talking about me, and there are always voices in my head saying that they dont like me being there.
Is this part of the recovery that I have to deal with? Did you guys also feel the same way when you were recovering?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi divinenoodle:
It is kind of quiet on the forum today, so maybe a little later more people will hop on here that have meth experience.
I am in recovery from opiates, so I don't know the meth withdrawal. I have heard that paranoia is a part of using, but I don't know how long it lasts. My strongest thought for you is to get with other people who are in recovery from drugs, and I'd get my butt to an NA meeting as soon as possible. Most cities have them every day, sometimes several times a day. It doesn't matter what your drug addiction was, you will be welcomed there.
My other strong instinct is to tell you to stay away from your old friends. It usually leads to more trouble, and often relapse. I would stay away from visiting the guy in jail. The worst thing you can do is get with guys like him who are actively using.
I hope more people will come on here to give their opinion.
You aren't ever alone if you know where to go. Coming here is a good first step. Since I don't know where you are, I can't tell you where meetings are. But if you found this website, you can find meetings. There are links here for that.
It is kind of quiet on the forum today, so maybe a little later more people will hop on here that have meth experience.
I am in recovery from opiates, so I don't know the meth withdrawal. I have heard that paranoia is a part of using, but I don't know how long it lasts. My strongest thought for you is to get with other people who are in recovery from drugs, and I'd get my butt to an NA meeting as soon as possible. Most cities have them every day, sometimes several times a day. It doesn't matter what your drug addiction was, you will be welcomed there.
My other strong instinct is to tell you to stay away from your old friends. It usually leads to more trouble, and often relapse. I would stay away from visiting the guy in jail. The worst thing you can do is get with guys like him who are actively using.
I hope more people will come on here to give their opinion.
You aren't ever alone if you know where to go. Coming here is a good first step. Since I don't know where you are, I can't tell you where meetings are. But if you found this website, you can find meetings. There are links here for that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Prison, Texas
Posts: 50
Hi divinenoodle,
Congratulations on your 6 months of sobriety! That is fantastic.
I agree with the above poster that you should not go visit your old friend in jail, as it will be negative for you and truly won't help him a bit. If he ends up being incarcerated for some time, then maybe later on you could send him a letter or two to encourage and support him but right now stay away from all the old group of friends, in jail and otherwise!
Regarding the paranoia, some of that is normal but I think it should start to taper off pretty soon. I also like the idea to find some other folks in recovery that the above poster mentions. NA, or even AA if you don't find a handy NA meeting in your community, is a good place to start. (I don't know what your native language is but I think you expressed yourself here very well so I wouldn't be worried about any language barrier there.)
I don't know if you have ever been to an NA or AA meeting but it probably will not be what you expect. There are folks from every walk of life, old and young, and you will find that many or their stories and experiences can give you a lot of insight into your own self, as well as they can offer support and friendship. It's not the right fit for everyone in recovery, but for many people, it can provide a lot of help and encouragement.
I definitely think it would be worth a try to check out an NA or AA group. And keep in mind, most communities have several groups and meetings, sometimes you need to "shop around" a little to find the best fit for you. Lots of communities have young people groups that you might look into.
Regarding your feelings of paranoia, and people talking about you, yes, the meth can definitely bring on paranoid thoughts, but with time it should stop and I think at 6 months clean you ought to be tapering off from those feelings. Here is a thought that occurred to me, perhaps you had some social anxiety ANYWAY and using the meth and pot in the past was masking those feelings. Now that you are clean you are becoming aware of them. So now... it's time to do some work on yourself to move on past that stuff.
That is why a group like NA or AA might be a good place to air out those thoughts. You will find people going through the same things and those who have already been there, done that and can offer some encouragement.
Regarding loneliness, my son also struggled finding friends he could relate to when he was in recovery. He also would get lonely and being lonely is not helpful to your sobriety. I think being young does make it a little more challenging as many of your peers "party" at that stage. This would be a great time to get a new interest or hobby like fitness or a sport. For one thing, that exercise is a great way to produce positive feelings in yourself, and for another, anything like that can be a great way to meet other folks who are equally positive!
Hang in there! I hope you continue to visit this forum as it has folks from every walk of life in recovery and there is a lot of great information and support to be found here.
Congratulations on your 6 months of sobriety! That is fantastic.
I agree with the above poster that you should not go visit your old friend in jail, as it will be negative for you and truly won't help him a bit. If he ends up being incarcerated for some time, then maybe later on you could send him a letter or two to encourage and support him but right now stay away from all the old group of friends, in jail and otherwise!
Regarding the paranoia, some of that is normal but I think it should start to taper off pretty soon. I also like the idea to find some other folks in recovery that the above poster mentions. NA, or even AA if you don't find a handy NA meeting in your community, is a good place to start. (I don't know what your native language is but I think you expressed yourself here very well so I wouldn't be worried about any language barrier there.)
I don't know if you have ever been to an NA or AA meeting but it probably will not be what you expect. There are folks from every walk of life, old and young, and you will find that many or their stories and experiences can give you a lot of insight into your own self, as well as they can offer support and friendship. It's not the right fit for everyone in recovery, but for many people, it can provide a lot of help and encouragement.
I definitely think it would be worth a try to check out an NA or AA group. And keep in mind, most communities have several groups and meetings, sometimes you need to "shop around" a little to find the best fit for you. Lots of communities have young people groups that you might look into.
Regarding your feelings of paranoia, and people talking about you, yes, the meth can definitely bring on paranoid thoughts, but with time it should stop and I think at 6 months clean you ought to be tapering off from those feelings. Here is a thought that occurred to me, perhaps you had some social anxiety ANYWAY and using the meth and pot in the past was masking those feelings. Now that you are clean you are becoming aware of them. So now... it's time to do some work on yourself to move on past that stuff.
That is why a group like NA or AA might be a good place to air out those thoughts. You will find people going through the same things and those who have already been there, done that and can offer some encouragement.
Regarding loneliness, my son also struggled finding friends he could relate to when he was in recovery. He also would get lonely and being lonely is not helpful to your sobriety. I think being young does make it a little more challenging as many of your peers "party" at that stage. This would be a great time to get a new interest or hobby like fitness or a sport. For one thing, that exercise is a great way to produce positive feelings in yourself, and for another, anything like that can be a great way to meet other folks who are equally positive!
Hang in there! I hope you continue to visit this forum as it has folks from every walk of life in recovery and there is a lot of great information and support to be found here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Fort Lauderdale, FL
Posts: 7
Congrats on 6 months, thats REALLY REALLY GOOD! Meth is so hard to come off of, I have been doing it and coming off of it for awhile. The feelings your describing are right in line with how meth makes me feel. All the sudden im convinced everyone is mad at me, and my self confidence goes right out the window. Those feelings take some time to go away but they do go away. One thing that really helped counteract alot of that for me, was I kept a list on my refrigerator I would put down on it all the positive things i did. It could be as simple as fed the dog. But when you can look at that list, and see the progress you make it really makes a difference. HOpe this helps, and keep up the good work!
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