To drink and die or not. If it were that easy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 1
To drink and die or not. If it were that easy
Hi. I'm new. I've suffereed from severe depression for years. Meds help sometimes. But this last year has beaten me in every way possible. I have done what many people suffering from depression do. Drink. A lot.
I moved away from friends a couple years ago to a new city to pursue a dream. Not only did I fail but now Im deeper in debt and have no friends here.
I know im rambling and Im sorry.
Since Ive moved to this new town I have been drinking a lot more. Because im bored, lonely, sad. But mainly I drink because I CANT STAND FEELING SO IRRITATED ALL THE TIME. Angry for no reason. I would rather hurt myself than lash out at others.
Except now I have been told that I have Fatty Liver disease and if I dont quit drinking it will turn into cirrhoisis and/or diabetes.
To be quite honest I wouldn't mind dying quickly. In fact I have been trying to drink myself to death for the last few months.
But this was a wakeup call. If i continue I will probably get cirrhosis. I really dont want that.
But this irritation, this anger. I cant get rid of it any other way. I've tried to explain to my friends that is like a swarm of bees inside your head multiplied times 50. EVERYTHING ANNOYS YOU. I hate being this way. I dont know if anyone else has symptoms like this. My doc has changed my meds but it seems to be getting worse.
I have avoided alcohol since I was told I have Fatty Liver Disease. This irritation though its getting worse.
I dont know if its a symptom of alcohol withdrawel or just my depression.
I dont really care if im an alcholic to be honest. I have no job to lose. nor am I married or have kids. I have a cat I love but hate being so irritated that at times i want to kick her across the room when she has done nothing wrong. I would rather destroy myself through alcohol than do that.
Please PLEASE is there another way? Breathing exercises dont work nor does excercise. Dont try to guilt me into feeling sorry for loved ones or moral issues either.
I just dont wanna be like this. And I see only one answer that works, drinking. And If I do that I guess I will get cirrhosis.
I dont even know why Im writing this except to hope that maybe someone else has gone through this and can offer me some other solution.
My name says it all. Sisyphus. I just cant win.
I moved away from friends a couple years ago to a new city to pursue a dream. Not only did I fail but now Im deeper in debt and have no friends here.
I know im rambling and Im sorry.
Since Ive moved to this new town I have been drinking a lot more. Because im bored, lonely, sad. But mainly I drink because I CANT STAND FEELING SO IRRITATED ALL THE TIME. Angry for no reason. I would rather hurt myself than lash out at others.
Except now I have been told that I have Fatty Liver disease and if I dont quit drinking it will turn into cirrhoisis and/or diabetes.
To be quite honest I wouldn't mind dying quickly. In fact I have been trying to drink myself to death for the last few months.
But this was a wakeup call. If i continue I will probably get cirrhosis. I really dont want that.
But this irritation, this anger. I cant get rid of it any other way. I've tried to explain to my friends that is like a swarm of bees inside your head multiplied times 50. EVERYTHING ANNOYS YOU. I hate being this way. I dont know if anyone else has symptoms like this. My doc has changed my meds but it seems to be getting worse.
I have avoided alcohol since I was told I have Fatty Liver Disease. This irritation though its getting worse.
I dont know if its a symptom of alcohol withdrawel or just my depression.
I dont really care if im an alcholic to be honest. I have no job to lose. nor am I married or have kids. I have a cat I love but hate being so irritated that at times i want to kick her across the room when she has done nothing wrong. I would rather destroy myself through alcohol than do that.
Please PLEASE is there another way? Breathing exercises dont work nor does excercise. Dont try to guilt me into feeling sorry for loved ones or moral issues either.
I just dont wanna be like this. And I see only one answer that works, drinking. And If I do that I guess I will get cirrhosis.
I dont even know why Im writing this except to hope that maybe someone else has gone through this and can offer me some other solution.
My name says it all. Sisyphus. I just cant win.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome to SR and our mental health forum
Have you spoken to a doctor about your anger/anxiety issue? If not I would recommend it. He/she may be able to treat the problem. It appears alcohol is not the solution so it may be worth taking the time to talk to a mental health provider.
I wish I had some wonderful advice for you but unfortunately I only have my experience to share. When I stopped drinking my mental health issues exacerbated. I finally had to reach out to a mental health provider or go completely insane and end it all. What I found is that as long as I am trying to treat my mental health problems by working with my doctor and therapist there is always hope that it will improve. I have had my ups and downs with it over the years.
Take care and let us know how you are doing.
Have you spoken to a doctor about your anger/anxiety issue? If not I would recommend it. He/she may be able to treat the problem. It appears alcohol is not the solution so it may be worth taking the time to talk to a mental health provider.
I wish I had some wonderful advice for you but unfortunately I only have my experience to share. When I stopped drinking my mental health issues exacerbated. I finally had to reach out to a mental health provider or go completely insane and end it all. What I found is that as long as I am trying to treat my mental health problems by working with my doctor and therapist there is always hope that it will improve. I have had my ups and downs with it over the years.
Take care and let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 177
Hi,
I have anger issues. The slightest thing can send me through the roof. Reconigising it is good, is the start, but learning to manage/control anger is the hard part. Anger will be in life, there is no hiding away from anger...you have to cope with it better. The hard work comes from within. You need to reconigise the anger when it starts, take a step back, think, think again and if it does esculate at that point, at least you have given yourself sometime to clear the red mist.
Anger is like a red mist, we cannot see clearly. You need to reconigise and clear that mist before it blinds our actions...
Hitting the bottle will not make the anger go away. It can only make it worse for you in the long-run. The reason you are drinking is because you are blocking something out, what? Anger, fustration, sadness, despair, gloom, lonliness etc.
Some of these things you have, maybe all, i dont know, you do...but what i do know is you cannot hide away from them forever. These issues you are facing can be helped. You may feel out of control sometimes and i understand it can be a scary...
My suggestion to you would be to talk to you doctor about how you are really feeling. And maybe if you would think it would help, you could see a counsellor. Seeing a counsellor will give you support, and provide you with good guidence and advice. I dont know if you have been to someone like this before but you could always try again?
Dont do this on your own, if the support is there for you then take it. Why suffer on you own?
Take care
I have anger issues. The slightest thing can send me through the roof. Reconigising it is good, is the start, but learning to manage/control anger is the hard part. Anger will be in life, there is no hiding away from anger...you have to cope with it better. The hard work comes from within. You need to reconigise the anger when it starts, take a step back, think, think again and if it does esculate at that point, at least you have given yourself sometime to clear the red mist.
Anger is like a red mist, we cannot see clearly. You need to reconigise and clear that mist before it blinds our actions...
Hitting the bottle will not make the anger go away. It can only make it worse for you in the long-run. The reason you are drinking is because you are blocking something out, what? Anger, fustration, sadness, despair, gloom, lonliness etc.
Some of these things you have, maybe all, i dont know, you do...but what i do know is you cannot hide away from them forever. These issues you are facing can be helped. You may feel out of control sometimes and i understand it can be a scary...
My suggestion to you would be to talk to you doctor about how you are really feeling. And maybe if you would think it would help, you could see a counsellor. Seeing a counsellor will give you support, and provide you with good guidence and advice. I dont know if you have been to someone like this before but you could always try again?
Dont do this on your own, if the support is there for you then take it. Why suffer on you own?
Take care
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: dayton, oh
Posts: 487
My body was physically hyper while I was drinking and while I was still physically addicted from alcohol. My doctor told me my brain reacted to stimuli differently than most people. It comes off as feeling irritated physically and mentally. There are meds that help, pm me. The right depression meds worked for me after I stopped drinking about a month later.
Take care
SH
Take care
SH
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
I know when my Dad passed away, I was angry at the world....I was in a major depression for over 3 years...I thought by drinking it would take away the hurt I felt, but it only made it worse, really worse...I was diagnosed with bipolar and take meds for it now, it hasn't cured me I've had to work at it...try practicing gratitude....be grateful for even the little things...and over time, it worked for me, you see things in a different light... Alcohol has never cured anything for me, especially anger...it fueld the fire....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I've been treated for major depression for most of my life and I'm sober almost 20 years.
What I personally know is alcohol is a depressant that makes things worse. And, it doesn't work, does it? I drank because I didn't want to be here. When I got sober -- just walked into AA and gave up -- I quickly got better. Part of it was putting down alcohol, the rest the warmth of the fellowship and support of other alcoholics.
Throughout sobriety I've been treated for depression (once it got so bad I couldn't get out of bed, literally) but I know this. Sober there is hope, when I was active there was no hope. Sober I know the steps to take (call my shrink quickly) and people to call. I come out of it and, what's better, I know I'll come out of it.
God bless
What I personally know is alcohol is a depressant that makes things worse. And, it doesn't work, does it? I drank because I didn't want to be here. When I got sober -- just walked into AA and gave up -- I quickly got better. Part of it was putting down alcohol, the rest the warmth of the fellowship and support of other alcoholics.
Throughout sobriety I've been treated for depression (once it got so bad I couldn't get out of bed, literally) but I know this. Sober there is hope, when I was active there was no hope. Sober I know the steps to take (call my shrink quickly) and people to call. I come out of it and, what's better, I know I'll come out of it.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 178
Hey Sisyphus,
The liver is the seat of emotions! If you go to a chinese herbalist I bet he/she will be able to help you with that angry feeling - possibly also help with the urge to drink to make it "go away". Any kind of liver damage can lead to depression and anger so easily, but if you get the right herbs that can help your liver you might find a lot of those feelings can dissipate.
If you can't get to a Chinese herbalist, you can get "St Mary's Thistle" from any health food store. That protects the liver. But it's better if you can get the herbs.
I'm not saying you don't have reasons for anger in real life, but it's so much easier to handle when your liver is healthier.
Hope I'm not out of line! I'm a shiatsu practitioner and have learned a bit about chinese medicine. I know western doctors don't talk about it, but anyone you've ever known whose had hepatitis or any liver disease will tell you it does affect you emotionally.
I was just reading your post and thinking I'd just let you know about that in case you're interested!
The liver is the seat of emotions! If you go to a chinese herbalist I bet he/she will be able to help you with that angry feeling - possibly also help with the urge to drink to make it "go away". Any kind of liver damage can lead to depression and anger so easily, but if you get the right herbs that can help your liver you might find a lot of those feelings can dissipate.
If you can't get to a Chinese herbalist, you can get "St Mary's Thistle" from any health food store. That protects the liver. But it's better if you can get the herbs.
I'm not saying you don't have reasons for anger in real life, but it's so much easier to handle when your liver is healthier.
Hope I'm not out of line! I'm a shiatsu practitioner and have learned a bit about chinese medicine. I know western doctors don't talk about it, but anyone you've ever known whose had hepatitis or any liver disease will tell you it does affect you emotionally.
I was just reading your post and thinking I'd just let you know about that in case you're interested!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 94
Hey Sisyphus, I can relate to what you're saying but I haven't found a way out yet either. However, these things help me somewhat:
- Helping others. I don't always have the willpower to do it but when I can it makes me feel better. Do something special for your cat.
- Doing something I'm passionate about. It always makes me feel better.
- Consider why this thing is annoying me, and why I shouldn't give a damn about it. Nothing matters in the end so I shouldn't waste any more time than necessary dwelling on the problem.
- Forcing myself to think about something else. Posting on forums works for me. I can't be annoyed at something for long if I'm constantly reading and discussing subjects that interest me.
- Watching movies. Depending on how I feel I'll watch a good comedy, an old favourite or something so thoughtful that I'll spend the rest of the day running it over in my mind. I also like to read discussions about how other people analysed the movie after I watch it.
- If I can make something less irritating I'll try to but this isn't always an option.
- I know you said exercise doesn't help you but maybe you should give it another shot. Pair it with a good diet and it might help you feel better about yourself.
- Listen to some good music.
- Lastly if it irritates me so badly that I can't control myself, I'll beat the crap out of my pillow until I'm calm enough to regain control over my mind. Very important not to damage anything or you could make yourself feel a lot worse. But it's ok to vent this way.
I know it can be hard to give something up that comforts you, especially if you've been doing it for a while. It's your choice but remember if you can kick the habit and get by without it, it's something to be really proud of.
- Helping others. I don't always have the willpower to do it but when I can it makes me feel better. Do something special for your cat.
- Doing something I'm passionate about. It always makes me feel better.
- Consider why this thing is annoying me, and why I shouldn't give a damn about it. Nothing matters in the end so I shouldn't waste any more time than necessary dwelling on the problem.
- Forcing myself to think about something else. Posting on forums works for me. I can't be annoyed at something for long if I'm constantly reading and discussing subjects that interest me.
- Watching movies. Depending on how I feel I'll watch a good comedy, an old favourite or something so thoughtful that I'll spend the rest of the day running it over in my mind. I also like to read discussions about how other people analysed the movie after I watch it.
- If I can make something less irritating I'll try to but this isn't always an option.
- I know you said exercise doesn't help you but maybe you should give it another shot. Pair it with a good diet and it might help you feel better about yourself.
- Listen to some good music.
- Lastly if it irritates me so badly that I can't control myself, I'll beat the crap out of my pillow until I'm calm enough to regain control over my mind. Very important not to damage anything or you could make yourself feel a lot worse. But it's ok to vent this way.
I know it can be hard to give something up that comforts you, especially if you've been doing it for a while. It's your choice but remember if you can kick the habit and get by without it, it's something to be really proud of.
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