DanceGavin

To begin, I have been trying to kick my oxy habit the majority of this year. I had gotten down to once or twice a week until March 17. I managed to quit altogether. Two and a half weeks sober. It was amazing. My life was coming back together, I was talking to friends I hadn't talked to in ages. I enjoyed my old hobbies again. I thought it was over. Then today, on the way home from school, something clicked. I called a friend and bought a roxi. There was no real reason behind it other than I just wanted to. I got wild, but the entire time I hated myself. I realized what I had done. It was terrible. I didn't even enjoy it. I'm trying not to beat myself up. I had a good 2 weeks sober, and I'm jumping right back on the wagon and hope to stay sober. But it still sucks that I just threw away all that progress.

tbeit

You can't take it back don't look back keep moving forward. Keep posting and think about going to meetings. This can be a slip or a relapse the decision is yours. Good luck

fs101

tbeit is right, make sure this is a slip, and keep fighting for what you have gained, even in a few short weeks

Stride34

it happens, dance. you can't go back though, all that matters is what you do from this point on. try to take this a learning experience, so you can figure out what happened and how to avoid it in the future. run the entire picture through your head again. you probably relapsed well before you actually relapsed, if that makes sense. you let you guard down, and weren't actively protecting your recovery. when that happens, we're much more likely to act on that first urge/instinct that us addicts had and still have due to changes in brain chemistry. the difference between someone whose doing well in recovery is that they start learn to not act on that first urge, and are able to get past it by having a plan in place for those situations. the longer they do that, the better they are at it dealing with the urges. eventually, the urges become much less frequent, though they never totally go away 100%. that's why its important we are always active in recovery and never get complacent. best of luck and thanks for the honesty, its an important part of your recovery and at the same time sharing this might help others learn how to deal with similar situations.

DanceGavin

Back now in minor withdrawal (not so much physical) and managing to keep a positive attitude. My brain is telling me that I could feel better if I bought another tomorrow, but as Stride said, I'm trying to pass up that first urge. Got out the DS and played for several hours. Took my mind right off the pills. I told a coworker about my relapse. He is a weed smoker but fully supports me in my road to recovery (he is pretty anti pill). So here we go again. Sober day one, here I come!

EDIT: Also would like to note that I went through my phone and deleted any and all pill contacts I had.