ronf

Hi all, I've been all over this board with my fellow drunks. This is my first time here. I can talk to anybody about my alcoholism, doesn't bother me a bit. For some reason though I still want to hide my depression. Right now it's kicking my butt !!! Yes, I have meds. I see a counselor, a half-shrink (little short guy) and a full shrink. I have struggled with this as long as I can remember. I have never reached out or asked for help with this like I did My alcoholism. Hoping this is a good first step towards that. I hope to be as active here as on the rest of the board. Thanks for reading this.

Ron

nandm

Welcome to the mental health board.

I too am a recovering alcoholic who fights with depression as well as other mental health issues. It can definately be a challenge to talk to others about mental health issues as there is much stigma attached to it. The only people that I talk to about it are close friends, my partner, my psych team, and on this forum. It is just not worth the stress to talk to anyone else about it for me.

Hope you find this forum to be as useful as I have. Good to see a new face here.

ronf

OK, got a call into the half-shrink. I'll go every frikin day if I have too. This has got to stop. Just like my drinking, I'm now willing to go to any length to get what they have.

Wish me luck !

Ron

NYCDoglvr

have been dealing with both alcoholism and depression for 19 years. It's very common for alcoholism and other mental illnesses (depression, bi-polar disorder) to be parallel diseases HBO did an outstanding series covering all aspects of addiction including depression (here's a link to a useful interview with an addiction specialist.

When depression really kicks in I find getting to a meeting -- the last thing I feel like doing, of course -- can jolt me out of it, at least temporarily. I don't talk about depression and medication at meetings, they are two separate diseases and I don't want stupid back talk from aa's who are ignorant about the disease.

Regarding shame and depression, I look at it this way: what keeps me alive is anti-depressant medication and a terrific shrink. Abraham Lincoln (my pick for our greatest president) suffered from depression his whole life. In early adulthood his neighbors locked him in a room to prevent him from committing suicide. He typically said he wished he weren't alive to other around him. It was common knowledge he suffered from depression but surprisingly, in the 1860's people didn't consider depression to be a character issue. It's simply an illness.

I wouldn't be alive without AA either (I can only stay sober by being around other alcoholics).

Keep talking about it. And, taking action -- even something as small as getting to a meeting or being around others -- can make the difference between being suicidal and ok.

God bless!

OklaBH

Good luck ron! Let me know how it goes! since you are going to a half shrink...do you just pay half? :rotfxko

ronf

No, I just get half shrunk

ronf

NYCDoglvr, Thank you ! What is it about simply knowing there's some one else out there who understands. My depression hero is W. Churchill, he called it the "black dog". Hard to imagine these people who shaped our history felt the same as you and I.

Ron

CaptAhab

i believe many of us addicts struggle with depression..your not alone...and don't try to fight this alone...do you have an aa home group?..

ronf

Cap'n, Yes on the home group. Been around AA for about 20 yrs, dealt with depression just as long. I have things going on right now that would bother anybody, but of course MY reactions are completely over the top. I just can't shake it this time. Seeing the shrink this afternoon. I need to set up a complete battle plan.

Ron

LoftyIdeals

Thanks for your post, Ron. I am adding this thread to my regular check-ins. I too suffer from depression. I've been crippled by it and entirely unproductive since December. Finally in February, I sought md help, and am on an antidepressant that is helping. For me, both alcholism and depression have long roots in my family history, often together. I am grateful for this opportunity for sharing on the subject.
Hang in there, and good luck with the little guy!

ronf

OK, just got back from seeing the "little guy" I brought up things out of my past that I've never talked about before. Pretty gut wrenching, BUT, He thinks we're on to something. See him again next Tue. Now of course I want to drink over it. I wont, but it helps to admit it. Thanks to all for your concern.

Ron

IO Storm

I liked what you said about being all over the board with fellow drunks....hello fellow! lol
I am an AA'er, and take meds for bipolar disorder. Keep up the good work, even though, I know, It is hard!

Blessings to you)))) And good luck

NYCDoglvr

Opening up, being vulnerable and really sharing from the heart is one of the most difficult things I've ever done, and I don't do it very often. So I'm in awe. In early sobriety I told my sponsor I wished I was dead. She said something I'll never forget: "maybe you don't really want to be dead, you simply don't want the feelings". I drank to obliterate myself, not because it was fun. Suppose it was fun once but my memories are also shot.

I just heard about a new AA meeting where I live (New York) that is worth checking out. It's called "AA and Medication", started by a bunch of recovering drunks who want to talk about alcoholism and other problems.

ronf

OK, Saw the "little guy" today. Talked more about that same stuff from my past (F-me) Guess it comes down to something I heard or read somewhere. "Forgiving yourself means giving up the hope for a better past" This is going to be hard. Think I'm in for a good cry here pretty soon. See him again in 2 days to tackle more recent things.

Ron

OklaBH

I'm proud to count you as a friend!!

ronf

Thank you

ronf

OK, Time for an update I guess. Since my last post I've seen the big guy once, he changed my meds, we'll see. Seen the little short guy twice. The last time we really hit a nerve F-me !!! By the time I got home I had a resentment approximately the size and weight of a manhole cover. Felt completely segregated, picked on, overwhelmed, and PO-ed !!! I've had sooo many emotional battles on this road and I just don't have it in me for another one. I don't WANT to go back and relive all that ****. But give me a few days and I'll start to accept it, then I'll get PO-ed in a positive manner and take this thing head on. Till then I'm going to thoroughly enjoy wallowing around in my pity pot, smear it on my face and rub it in my belly. The world will just have to humor me till I'm done !!!

Poor poor little Ronnie LOL

OklaBH

I told you....you missed your calling! :rotfxko

aasharon90

25 yrs. marriage with 7 yrs drinking and the
rest sober. As was suggested I was to take
care of my alcoholism first then I could tackle
other issues. So I did. Miserable thruout my
marriage never really understanding why except
that I was an alcoholic in recovery.

Then one day at a meeting I heard the words
Chemical Imbalance in our bodies. WOW what
is that? After asking and inquiring I found out
why I was still bouncing all over the place with
my my motions and finally seeked help for it.

My 25 yr marriage ended peacefully and a new
one began several yrs ago. What a blessing.

AA and recovery for my drinking problems,
therapist, doctors for health problem, ministers
for spiritual and so on.

Today my chemical imbalance for my anxiety is
undercontrol and now I can really enjoy my recovery
life more so than ever.

Riding Free with my spouse in the wind on our
Harley as we look forward to our Sturgis Trip
this yr.

ronf

I know, I know ! Always wanted to be a male "escort" but somehow the opportunity never presented it's self