trying to break this evil cycle of pill addiction.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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trying to break this evil cycle of pill addiction.
Hey everyone.
I have been reading this great board for awhile now. I'm currently going through hell. I had been clean for three years until about six months ago. Xanax and pain pills are my drug of choice. I have cold turkey detoxed about three times in the last three months. I would get about 2 weeks clean then I would relapse. I would use just a couple of times, but it was enough to make me completely addicted again. I haven't had and pain pills in a month put I did take xanax last week. About 2mg a day for a week. I took the last pill Saturday night and the w/d's started monday. I feel a little better today, but the anxiety is unbearable. I ate for the first time last night, and actually got about 5 hours of sleep. Keep me in your prayers. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm ready for this to be over. I can't wait to get to a meeting but I can hardly get out of the house right now.
I have been reading this great board for awhile now. I'm currently going through hell. I had been clean for three years until about six months ago. Xanax and pain pills are my drug of choice. I have cold turkey detoxed about three times in the last three months. I would get about 2 weeks clean then I would relapse. I would use just a couple of times, but it was enough to make me completely addicted again. I haven't had and pain pills in a month put I did take xanax last week. About 2mg a day for a week. I took the last pill Saturday night and the w/d's started monday. I feel a little better today, but the anxiety is unbearable. I ate for the first time last night, and actually got about 5 hours of sleep. Keep me in your prayers. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm ready for this to be over. I can't wait to get to a meeting but I can hardly get out of the house right now.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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A little more about me. I'm 30 and have a wonderful wife and little 8 month old little boy. My life got very stressful during the last months of my wifes pregnancy. She was a bear, we where building a new house and work was slammed. I had stopped going to meetings, and I broke. I went back out. I hated every min of it, yet I didn't stop (for any long period of time.) I have to get my life back. I can't go to treatment because I will loose my family, and my job. I just want to feel better.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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the panic is very very bad at the moment. The last couple of days have gone by so slow. I just want to go home and take a bath try to rest. anybody else having going through this or been through this? I think I will start feeling a little better in the next couple of days. Today being the third day of w/ds (5th since using).
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi chris245!
Hey man,
Withdrawal is bad enough without the anxiety, which is our brain's way of saying DO SOMETHING!!!!!
If you can't get outside, maybe you could lift weights indoors or do something else that creates natural dopamine. Seriously. I haven't had to do the benzo thing, and I'm glad you are past the "medical" part of the detox, because some people can't do it without a doctor's help, and in fact it isn't usually advised due to the risk of seizures.
But you are experienced with your own responses, and you probably know that, but do be careful. Unless there is some reason you can't go, your doctor has to keep your details confidential and will not even write in your chart about your addiction if you ask, and there may be something non-narcotic the doctor can help you with through the withdrawals.
If not, keep posting here. There's usually someone around to talk to. The anxiety has to be the hardest, and the biggest recovery breaker. If you can get through this, and it sounds like you can, you never have to do this again if you choose not to use again.
I've heard some people try hot baths. Even aroma therapy. Music. Maybe even dancing, which you can do at home, at the risk of scaring your wife.
Hang in there.
Withdrawal is bad enough without the anxiety, which is our brain's way of saying DO SOMETHING!!!!!
If you can't get outside, maybe you could lift weights indoors or do something else that creates natural dopamine. Seriously. I haven't had to do the benzo thing, and I'm glad you are past the "medical" part of the detox, because some people can't do it without a doctor's help, and in fact it isn't usually advised due to the risk of seizures.
But you are experienced with your own responses, and you probably know that, but do be careful. Unless there is some reason you can't go, your doctor has to keep your details confidential and will not even write in your chart about your addiction if you ask, and there may be something non-narcotic the doctor can help you with through the withdrawals.
If not, keep posting here. There's usually someone around to talk to. The anxiety has to be the hardest, and the biggest recovery breaker. If you can get through this, and it sounds like you can, you never have to do this again if you choose not to use again.
I've heard some people try hot baths. Even aroma therapy. Music. Maybe even dancing, which you can do at home, at the risk of scaring your wife.
Hang in there.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hiya Chris-
I certainly did my fair share of pills, but I never really "seeked" them out. I was a beer/shot/coke guy myself, but I've dabbled in almost everything.
I've heard that pain pills are extremely hard to detox on and maybe Xanax is the same? I really don't know.
...but I did want to tell you that you're not alone and to maybe seek out an NA/AA meeting in your area for moral support and direction?
I hope some other folks will come by and post their experience with detoxing from pills.
You can do this.
Kjell
I certainly did my fair share of pills, but I never really "seeked" them out. I was a beer/shot/coke guy myself, but I've dabbled in almost everything.
I've heard that pain pills are extremely hard to detox on and maybe Xanax is the same? I really don't know.
...but I did want to tell you that you're not alone and to maybe seek out an NA/AA meeting in your area for moral support and direction?
I hope some other folks will come by and post their experience with detoxing from pills.
You can do this.
Kjell
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 53
Chris I'm 34 with a 4 year-old and 4 month old. It does get better!!! Im on day 13.
This is my 2nd time kicking OXY. I too was going through some tough times when I started again; new job, baby almost due, and I thought this time it would be different. WRONG!! it went from one pill to 11 back to two depending on how much money i had. At the end after five months I have no memory no money and close too loosing my great Job.
Now at this stage its all about focusing on yourself and getting clean!!!! We have many that depend on us but we first need to make ourselves stronger. Its a tuff battle I never thought I would be fighting. College I drank and smoked once I graduated I stopped (with no problem at all). OXY is a beast best left alone
This is my 2nd time kicking OXY. I too was going through some tough times when I started again; new job, baby almost due, and I thought this time it would be different. WRONG!! it went from one pill to 11 back to two depending on how much money i had. At the end after five months I have no memory no money and close too loosing my great Job.
Now at this stage its all about focusing on yourself and getting clean!!!! We have many that depend on us but we first need to make ourselves stronger. Its a tuff battle I never thought I would be fighting. College I drank and smoked once I graduated I stopped (with no problem at all). OXY is a beast best left alone
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 154
Tdbettr, I now how you feel. I'm at a point where I have to stop or I'm going to loose everything or die.
I am going to go to meetings. I'm going to my first one in a long time tonight.
on a side note I just got back from my dr. and he prescribed me buspar for the anxiety. Looking online I noticed that it does not benefit benzo withdrawal, but my symptoms are almost 100% gone after my first dose and a bath.
I'll keep posting what I'm going through thanks again for the kindness.
I am going to go to meetings. I'm going to my first one in a long time tonight.
on a side note I just got back from my dr. and he prescribed me buspar for the anxiety. Looking online I noticed that it does not benefit benzo withdrawal, but my symptoms are almost 100% gone after my first dose and a bath.
I'll keep posting what I'm going through thanks again for the kindness.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by chrisb245 
Hey everyone.
I have been reading this great board for awhile now. I'm currently going through hell. I had been clean for three years until about six months ago. Xanax and pain pills are my drug of choice. I have cold turkey detoxed about three times in the last three months. I would get about 2 weeks clean then I would relapse. I would use just a couple of times, but it was enough to make me completely addicted again. I haven't had and pain pills in a month put I did take xanax last week. About 2mg a day for a week. I took the last pill Saturday night and the w/d's started monday. I feel a little better today, but the anxiety is unbearable. I ate for the first time last night, and actually got about 5 hours of sleep. Keep me in your prayers. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm ready for this to be over. I can't wait to get to a meeting but I can hardly get out of the house right now.
I have been reading this great board for awhile now. I'm currently going through hell. I had been clean for three years until about six months ago. Xanax and pain pills are my drug of choice. I have cold turkey detoxed about three times in the last three months. I would get about 2 weeks clean then I would relapse. I would use just a couple of times, but it was enough to make me completely addicted again. I haven't had and pain pills in a month put I did take xanax last week. About 2mg a day for a week. I took the last pill Saturday night and the w/d's started monday. I feel a little better today, but the anxiety is unbearable. I ate for the first time last night, and actually got about 5 hours of sleep. Keep me in your prayers. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm ready for this to be over. I can't wait to get to a meeting but I can hardly get out of the house right now.
Keep in mind that the drug is much more than taking the pill. When you swallow that damn thing, you are swallowing all the nasty things that come with it. After detox, even taking 1 freaking pill will throw you right back into detox. I know from experience. I tried to keep it as a recreational drug...I really did. I tested my boundaries to see what I could "safely" get away with doing... Sad news, my friend... There is no "acceptable amount" to keep from detoxing all over again. It's jacked up.
Just remove it from your life. Replace it with things that interest you. I found that replacing it with activities/items that cost $$ help a lot. The $$ is still there, but the crappy feeling is not.
I wish you the best of luck. Keep checking in! We are all in the same boat here! Some are further along than others (you're 5 days ahead of me!), so don't think you're alone in this fight.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 154
man. He are in the same boat for sure. I did the same thing as you after be clean for almost three years. It has been a horrible cycle these last 5 months. I somehow thought I could do it once in a while and be fine. WRONG! after a weekend of getting messed up I'd be right back at day 1. Withdrawls and everything. I still feel like crap, but I'm fighting through it. I can't do it any more. Hang in there! We can do it.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
Im reading your posts.............fair play to you for doing the right thing...........you will never forget these withdrawls........it will help you in the future if you think of using again.
Today I know that Pills,Drugs or Drink only cover up Problems that we eventually have to face Clean and sober.
No one likes Pain,but its part of living.............if we can understand whats causing it is possible to face our fears and Correct things.
As well as been an AA,NA,Im ACOA originally.
An Adult Child Of Dysfuncyional Parents..........it was tough to admit this at first,I believed that they were the Best Parents anyone could Have,,,,,,,,they were but the Both were Addicts...........Tranqualisers and Alcohol.
To be reared in such an Athmosphire..........I had no other choice but to Use and abuse Substances of Soothing.........Ie Looking for LOVE.
I have found it on these sites and At Meetings.
Cheers and all the best to you.
One day at a time its been 24 years 270 days sense I used.
Today I know that Pills,Drugs or Drink only cover up Problems that we eventually have to face Clean and sober.
No one likes Pain,but its part of living.............if we can understand whats causing it is possible to face our fears and Correct things.
As well as been an AA,NA,Im ACOA originally.
An Adult Child Of Dysfuncyional Parents..........it was tough to admit this at first,I believed that they were the Best Parents anyone could Have,,,,,,,,they were but the Both were Addicts...........Tranqualisers and Alcohol.
To be reared in such an Athmosphire..........I had no other choice but to Use and abuse Substances of Soothing.........Ie Looking for LOVE.
I have found it on these sites and At Meetings.
Cheers and all the best to you.
One day at a time its been 24 years 270 days sense I used.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 154
So its the morning of days 6 without benzos. Its day 4 or 5 of withdrawal I feel so bad that I have lost count. I fill a little better this morning, but I'm still very much in panic. I didn't vomit this morning, and I got a little sleep. I hope I only have a day or so left. Evey min seems like an hour.
alive today
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: roebling nj
Posts: 8
i use to have the same problem with pills. if i got a script of 90 they would be gone in a week and i would end up back in crisis going nutts. what worked for me was finally admitting to my dr that i was an addict and that i didn't want to be on anything addictive anymore. since i did that i have been drug free for 5 months now. there are pills for anxiety that are more natural that aren't addictive you should really ask your doc about
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by chrisb245
Checking back in. Its now 11am here. The w/d anxiety is still very bad. Feel like I need to get out and run or do something but I'm stuck at work. I'm also so worn out. maybe I'll sleep better tonight.
Save me a seat and I'll see you on the other side!
Keep posting!!!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 154
Hang in there man, and thanks. Your post helped me a lot this morning. I have been up for about an hour and so far it seems the worst is past me. I still feel a little anxiety but no full blown panic yet. Thats alot better than yesterday. I slept a little more last night. maybe I'm almost done with the w/d. I'm going to spend the day with the fam, I'll check in later.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 154
I have smoked more ciggs this last week than I have in my whole life! Good luck on putting them down! I had a great day yesterday. I think the w/ds are pretty much past me. This morning I have just a little bit of anxiety, nothing like the last week. I'm so glad that its over. I didn't mind the sun coming up this morning. I'm off work today and our baby is going to day care, so I'm going to rest. My body is worn out from this past week. Now the work begins. Meeting tonight. Thanks for your help guys it has helped and will continue to help a ton.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 154
Hey guys
Sorry I'm late on checking in. I'm doing alot better. The worst of the benzo w/ds are over, the complete panic, no sleep, crazy thinking, etc are gone. However I'm finding unlike oxy withdrawal, the is still alot of lingering anxiety. I feels worlds better, but I'm know where near back to normal. After doing some research, I'm learning that the anxiety can last anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months after detox. I hope it doesn't last much longer. I'm holding on for dear life.
But like I said, I'm feeling tons better I'm just taking it hour by hour.
Sorry I'm late on checking in. I'm doing alot better. The worst of the benzo w/ds are over, the complete panic, no sleep, crazy thinking, etc are gone. However I'm finding unlike oxy withdrawal, the is still alot of lingering anxiety. I feels worlds better, but I'm know where near back to normal. After doing some research, I'm learning that the anxiety can last anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months after detox. I hope it doesn't last much longer. I'm holding on for dear life.
But like I said, I'm feeling tons better I'm just taking it hour by hour.
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