Akayla

So, as suggested, I'm starting a new thread about my journey to detox tomorrow (since the previous one got hijacked by politics while I was out of the house today running errands! )

I just joined this forum this weekend. I have found amazing support and feel like I am part of an extended family that truly cares about my recovery, and I am very grateful. Many of you who have been contributing to my threads know that I hit an especially bumpy patch and recovered with the help of my mom, my best friend, and this forum. I am incredibly thankful for those that have offered me invaluable support and advice.

So now it's simply a matter of hours (about 12 or so, we plan to leave at around 7am) until I make the 4 hour drive to Summerhouse Detox in Miami, FL.

Right now I am:
-scared
-relieved
-grateful
-wary
-nervous

I'm not sure how well I'll sleep tonight due to the inevitable anxiety that comes along with putting your life in the hands of strangers for 3 weeks, being away from friends and family-- and most importantly, the thought of not having the comfort of xanax and breaking a habit it took years to build.

So any experiences and advice regarding how to handle the hours prior to entering detox would be much appreciated. Any opinions, words of wisdom, anything to help quell my anxiety naturally...right now, I'm packed, ready to go- my biggest immediate fear is being able to sleep tonight!

Again, everyone here is a godsend. I don't even want to pontificate what this weekend may have turned into without the wisdom and concern of everyone here.

Much love,
~A

FT

Hi kiddo,

Yippee for this new thread!

Every new beginning begins with some trepidation, and every bit of stomach tingling anticipation is so normal to feel.

Even good changes are hard, and I think you are going into this with your eyes wide open. You have done your research well.

I'll be checking in every day to see how you are. Post when you can after you get there.

FT

micealc

Akayla you will be ok..........I detoxed on my own.............I was bad,I should not have done that. I was too scarred to go to detox..........Thank God I survived............Ask a Power Greater Than yourself to Help you not to worry............and you will sleep.He helped me then.......and he'll help you now.



Im off to bed its 12 45 here...........bye

gr8ful42day

Proud of your choices, fwiw. They will help you in detox with safe ways to get through this and also with sleep. I never went for pills, but did for alcohol and they made me very comfy and safe meds to help with the anxiety and sleep, there were others there for the same reasons as you. It will all be OK.

I will truly being praying for you and I am so happy for you and the new and wonderful life you will have to look forward to!

Dee74

best wishes Akayla.
I hope this can be your turning point

D

Akayla

Thank you Dee (and all)! I am very hopeful. I think this time will work. It has to! I want my life back. I am doing my best to stay positive...

glitter

You will be okay. Be with your feelings right now. Don't try to medicate them away. Hopefully you will find that your fears are far worse than how it will be in reality. That's the way it usually is for us addicts. You're exactly where you should be mentally right now. Go get em! All the best.....

Keep the bolded part in mind, okay. While in rehab listen carefully what they will tell you about continuing your recovery when you return home. It took you years to become the addict you are now. It's going to take a lot of time and effort to stay clean. Devise a plan. And then follow through.

Akayla

Glitter,

Thanks. Your words and advice are always so thoughtful and encouraging...

K, I'll go get 'em!

~A

tbeit

Good luck When one door closes another opens tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of your life.Keep coming back your worth it.

Akayla

isn't that just the hardest thing to believe? that i'm worth it? i have everyone telling me i am, so it must be true, but i haven't been able to believe it myself 100% yet. i can't find a reason why i'm "worth it." i think that's common in addicts; either no sense of self-worth or very little, the latter of which i have. an iota of self-worth -- but only because i remember the girl i was prior to this addiction and i miss her terribly.

FT

Hey Akayla -- Look at you! About 60 people have read this thread since you started it, and every one of them is rooting for you.

You are worth it.

Akayla

Good point. If that many people who don't even know me are tuning in, plus my friends and family, I must have done something along the way to be worthy of a happy, healthy, sober life. Hopefully its just around the corner...

MsCooterBrown

Akayla..just stopping in to wish you the best!!! I know you have a mixed bag of feelings..but this is a brand new start of your sober life! And I have a feeling you have many pulling for you. So happy for you that your mom is behind you all the way!!! Stay happy...

SquareHead

Akayla,

I'm wishing you well as you're off to detox, and hoping you stay strong.

You can do this, and it's so worth it.

SH

danielleg

detox was hard and very boring for me. It is when I started drawing and journaling. But on the other hand treatment was amazing. It was the only time in my life for just me on me. I took care of myself, ate well, made extremely close friends, and I worked my butt off to create a solid foundation, which turned into the base of my recovery. People think I am nuts when I say I loved it and I wish I never left.....it was peaceful and the serenity I felt was a feeling that I never had.....so good luck, have appropriate fun, work hard and pray to your higher power for you to adjust well to your semi new location. It will be hard , but remember it is all about you and you getting your life on track the way it was intended....not the path to death from your addiction.
Ill keep the prayers flowing…..Dani

Akayla

thanks for all of the continued encouragement! while i'm still not feeling relaxed enough to go to sleep just yet, this is starting to feel real, in a good way!

danielleg

Had a group discussion in school about this poem, though Id share. You can also punch in the name on you tube to hear her recite the poem.
"Still I rise"
by Maya Angelo

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

Akayla

Thank you so much! I have heard a few folks who went to this same place say they didn't want to leave, but they keep you busy with things like yoga and acupuncture and tai chi and meetings, etc, etc. i hope my experience at detox is like theirs, and my treatment experience is like yours.

thanks for your kind words and prayers.

peace,
~A

FT

Hey,

Here is this guy, named SquareHead, who set MY addict brain straight in my first days of withdrawal. (THX SH - I kinda miss the Bad Fish line - made me look up the lyrics and I liked 'em)

Okay, Akayla, now you got over 80 hits of folks rooting you on!

FT

100 hits!