Just threw out the pipes, accessories, etc
Lord Have Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 242
Just threw out the pipes, accessories, etc
After 25 years of marijuana use, I'm quitting tonight. Things are a little different this time, my marriage is in the tank and my AW moved out 4 weeks ago. She did so much more destruction than I did, but now that I have some time to myself, I realize I screwed up pretty bad.
The worst thing I did was fall off the wagon and start smoking pot in the middle of HER sobriety. She fell and almost died in 2008, but she survived brain surgery, dodged cirrohsis and liver disease, and had a nice recovery going and we were happy. I started smoking pot at "special occasions". She said it was OK, but now I regret it profoundly.
This past summer we decided to buy a new house and move. I was smoking pot almost every day, running my business, and trying to "chill out". We thought it would be fun upgrading to a nicer house. But somewhere in the middle of moving out of one house, and busting our butts to fix up and sell the old one, I started losing it.
I am a very mellow person, probably from smoking weed all the time, but it was like we were SO BUSY that every minute was taken up with some project or shopping trip. I love my wife but she doesn't like being by herself, so she is high maintenance X 2. So there was no time to relax and I got burnt out.
Sadly, she actually suggested that I smoke pot so that we could go to TJ Maxx, Kohl's, Target, Menard's, and Wal-Mart all on one shopping trip. She learned a long time ago that it made me more patient and probably easier to be around. This is dysfunctional -- so you have 2 years sober recovered alcoholic wife and her increasingly stoned and stressed out husband.
3 months later, she went on a trip to see her family, and came back 8 days later, fallen off the wagon. We are talking about a person with 10 years of serious vodka consumption, 4 detoxes, basically someone who just CAN'T drink anymore.
And she was gone. Back to the bottle. Gone from reality. She took on a new hobby, which was texting with multiple new male friends, including the devestating exchange "I love you / I love you too" with at least 2 different, new men. We had never cheated on each other in 16 years and now the whole thing was going off a cliff.
Which is exactly what happened. 3 months later, I am filed for divorce. The focus, the drama, the problems, and the merry-go-round were always driven by the AW. She was the one with the problem. Medically and physically she certainly has much bigger problems.
But I was smoking pot the whole time, and loving my pot every bit as much as she was loving the vodka. All I can say is, whatever part I had in her relapse, however small it might technically be -- I am a piece of crap for not being a bigger man and a better husband.
I have a lot of time on my hands so I finally did STEP 4. I realized how my pot-smoking looms over my entire life, and something I felt was in the background, is in fact a part of my DNA and my life story. And life is not turning out too good. So I threw out all my stuff, hopefully for good this time.
Sorry for the long post...and thanks for listening.
Blessings!
The worst thing I did was fall off the wagon and start smoking pot in the middle of HER sobriety. She fell and almost died in 2008, but she survived brain surgery, dodged cirrohsis and liver disease, and had a nice recovery going and we were happy. I started smoking pot at "special occasions". She said it was OK, but now I regret it profoundly.
This past summer we decided to buy a new house and move. I was smoking pot almost every day, running my business, and trying to "chill out". We thought it would be fun upgrading to a nicer house. But somewhere in the middle of moving out of one house, and busting our butts to fix up and sell the old one, I started losing it.
I am a very mellow person, probably from smoking weed all the time, but it was like we were SO BUSY that every minute was taken up with some project or shopping trip. I love my wife but she doesn't like being by herself, so she is high maintenance X 2. So there was no time to relax and I got burnt out.
Sadly, she actually suggested that I smoke pot so that we could go to TJ Maxx, Kohl's, Target, Menard's, and Wal-Mart all on one shopping trip. She learned a long time ago that it made me more patient and probably easier to be around. This is dysfunctional -- so you have 2 years sober recovered alcoholic wife and her increasingly stoned and stressed out husband.
3 months later, she went on a trip to see her family, and came back 8 days later, fallen off the wagon. We are talking about a person with 10 years of serious vodka consumption, 4 detoxes, basically someone who just CAN'T drink anymore.
And she was gone. Back to the bottle. Gone from reality. She took on a new hobby, which was texting with multiple new male friends, including the devestating exchange "I love you / I love you too" with at least 2 different, new men. We had never cheated on each other in 16 years and now the whole thing was going off a cliff.
Which is exactly what happened. 3 months later, I am filed for divorce. The focus, the drama, the problems, and the merry-go-round were always driven by the AW. She was the one with the problem. Medically and physically she certainly has much bigger problems.
But I was smoking pot the whole time, and loving my pot every bit as much as she was loving the vodka. All I can say is, whatever part I had in her relapse, however small it might technically be -- I am a piece of crap for not being a bigger man and a better husband.
I have a lot of time on my hands so I finally did STEP 4. I realized how my pot-smoking looms over my entire life, and something I felt was in the background, is in fact a part of my DNA and my life story. And life is not turning out too good. So I threw out all my stuff, hopefully for good this time.
Sorry for the long post...and thanks for listening.
Blessings!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((djayr))) - I understand being in a relationship with another A, though the 3 I was with never sought recovery.
They did wrong, I did wrong. I finally decided to focus on me, the only person I can change, and it sounds like you're doing the same. I'm sorry things had to go down the tubes for you to get here, but I did too, and it makes my recovery even more valuable...it's a gift, to myself, that I never want to lose.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
They did wrong, I did wrong. I finally decided to focus on me, the only person I can change, and it sounds like you're doing the same. I'm sorry things had to go down the tubes for you to get here, but I did too, and it makes my recovery even more valuable...it's a gift, to myself, that I never want to lose.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
2nd chance at a 1st cl*** life
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Jose, Ca
Posts: 492
In reading your post I gather that you have a lot of guilt in your wifes relapse. You seem to be taking ownership of her relapse as if you played some part in it when that could not be any farther than the truth. I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict, my drug of choices besidea alcohol was also pot. I could have pointed the finger at a number of people for my last relapse when in fact it was noones fault than my own. Your wife made the decision to drink again on her own, you did not make her. We can't control anyone's life other than our own. Just because I don't drink or use anymore doesn't mean that all of my friends and family have to stop as well. I can be around my friends and family who drink and be comfortable not drinking. I don't want to drink anymore because i know where it will take me. You can't blame yourself for her relapse. So long as you respected and supported her decision than there was nothing more that you could do. All you can do is work on yourself now and start your recovery as you stated you're doing.
As far as your recovery goes that's awesome that you've decided to kick the habit. When I first got into recovery for alcohol I didn't want to quit smoking weed, just drinking. Ithought all my problems were all centered around alcohol, that j didn't have a problem with weed when that could not be farther from the truth. Though I didn't get into trouble with the law or get belligerent with people when I was stoned, in fact I too was more patient and mellow when I was stoned, it had problems all of its own. My life was centered around it. When I wasn't stoned or didn't have any weed I was very irritable and would get depressed very easily. I didn't feel right or normal when I wasn't loaded and that was a problem with me. When I finally decided to get honest with myself and shake the habit I did the same exact thing you did. I threw away all the pipes, bongs, rolling papers and went through my phone and deleted all my connections phone numbers. Being completely sober is the most liberating feeling there is in my opinion. I no longer get nervous when I see police, I dont have to worry about where I'm going to get the money to score my next bottle or bag and it just feels so much better not to have to be a prisoner to a substance. I wish you well on your path of recovery and above all, take care of yourself.
As far as your recovery goes that's awesome that you've decided to kick the habit. When I first got into recovery for alcohol I didn't want to quit smoking weed, just drinking. Ithought all my problems were all centered around alcohol, that j didn't have a problem with weed when that could not be farther from the truth. Though I didn't get into trouble with the law or get belligerent with people when I was stoned, in fact I too was more patient and mellow when I was stoned, it had problems all of its own. My life was centered around it. When I wasn't stoned or didn't have any weed I was very irritable and would get depressed very easily. I didn't feel right or normal when I wasn't loaded and that was a problem with me. When I finally decided to get honest with myself and shake the habit I did the same exact thing you did. I threw away all the pipes, bongs, rolling papers and went through my phone and deleted all my connections phone numbers. Being completely sober is the most liberating feeling there is in my opinion. I no longer get nervous when I see police, I dont have to worry about where I'm going to get the money to score my next bottle or bag and it just feels so much better not to have to be a prisoner to a substance. I wish you well on your path of recovery and above all, take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,486
Welcome!
A guy I used to go with would outwardly blame himself for my addiction. It's simply BS...I am the only one responsible for my own addiction. I didn't believe it then either. I think it may have been his way of beating himself up because I talked about wanting recovery and he didn't. As much as it broke my heart we couldn't be together I had to leave to get clean.
Her addiction is not your fault.
Sounds like you are interested in taking steps to help in your recovery. I hope you are planning to attend meetings and use a sponsor to help you with the steps.
Sincerely,
Missy
A guy I used to go with would outwardly blame himself for my addiction. It's simply BS...I am the only one responsible for my own addiction. I didn't believe it then either. I think it may have been his way of beating himself up because I talked about wanting recovery and he didn't. As much as it broke my heart we couldn't be together I had to leave to get clean.
Her addiction is not your fault.
I have a lot of time on my hands so I finally did STEP 4
Sincerely,
Missy
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