Posted this on another board but was redirected here, new to sobriety and alot ofpain
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 5
Posted this on another board but was redirected here, new to sobriety and alot ofpain
I started using heroin after my 2 year relationship was ended and i was left with what felt like nothing. I am 18 years old. I live with both my parents, my dad and my mom, and my mom has MS. I got caught stealing from my parents multiple times and i am now doing an outpatient rehab and im on week 3. My father is a very primitive man who does not seem to understand addiction is a disease and not a moral choice. I relapsed yesterday for the first time in awhile, he gave me money to go get food and something for basketball and i just ended up getting drugs. I dont even remember it. He raged yesterday and made things worse, and one of my friends mother in the program called my mom and explained things to her so my mom understands. I cant even describe to you how down on myself I am. I lost everything. I lost alot of my friends, i lost my parents trust, and i lost the life i once loved to live. My dad just completely tore into me how im going no where and how hard his life was and we should go back to the 1970s just so I could see what its like to be on my own, and he always calls me a sorry person. I feel so alone. If anyone could give me some words of advice on what to do or just any feedback, I'd love to hear it.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Crossroads
ICST:
Your post tore at my heart. I think I am too old for you to relate to, but let me try just a little.
You are just 18. I am a 59 year old lady, but I have a past that predates your age when I first ran head on into using various "stuff." You are at a crossroads in your life, not entirely like the one I faced at 18.
You face this crossroads without a lot of support. You desperately need peer guidance, people around your age who have already hit bottom and come out of it. Those people exist. Your parents aren't going to provide it because maybe they just can't, for whatever reasons that may be.
Find the NA in your town. Ask them what youth services they have, what groups, what youth sponsors they can offer. If you live near a town of any size, someone is going to be there for you.
It sounds like if you don't have the kind of support and guidance you need to tackle your addiction, you at least have a bed, some food, a place to stay. That will hopefully keep you off the street.
There are a bunch of us here, including me, who fell into addiction, got back up, fell again, got back up again, and maybe even repeated that a few more times. I can think of a bunch of us who desperately want to help you, including me, but I don't know if my story comes too late for you.
At 18, I had already smoked pot, dropped acid, taken reds and whites (60's talk), mescaline, and whatever else I could get my hands on. I understand the drugs out there now are far and above past the bad stuff that I could get ahold of at your age. It scares me, because I probably would have used them.
I call this a crossroads for you, because you are at a potential turning point in your life. The steps you take now, the direction you take now, will shape the form your life is going take over the next few years. Since I don't know where you live, or what your situation is, I don't know how to advise you.
At 18, I ran as far away from my parents as I could get, because I hated what they stood for, what I wanted was freedom. That was in the late 60's. It was a time of huge acceptance of runaways, pseudo-hippies like me, girls could hitchhike on the side of the road in relative safety (we thought), and we all seemed to be able to survive in that environment.
The world is harsher now. More dangerous. The economy is bad. You won't easily find work.
Try to lie low and think, that much I can tell you. Take refuge in the small haven your parents still provide for you. While you are doing this, look around at your options. Hopefully you are still in school. If not, make that your first priority.
But get that peer support going through NA, make that the first thing you do. You deserve to have someone on your side who will listen to you. Sometimes parents like your dad just can't be what you want them to be for you. Your dad sounds threatened by your behavior, maybe it brings back some things he feels guilty about, wishes he did differently. It isn't the 70's anymore, and addiction now is not the same as it was then. It's worse, way worse.
An old lady's rant, but I hope you have heard just a little of what I've said.
Your post tore at my heart. I think I am too old for you to relate to, but let me try just a little.
You are just 18. I am a 59 year old lady, but I have a past that predates your age when I first ran head on into using various "stuff." You are at a crossroads in your life, not entirely like the one I faced at 18.
You face this crossroads without a lot of support. You desperately need peer guidance, people around your age who have already hit bottom and come out of it. Those people exist. Your parents aren't going to provide it because maybe they just can't, for whatever reasons that may be.
Find the NA in your town. Ask them what youth services they have, what groups, what youth sponsors they can offer. If you live near a town of any size, someone is going to be there for you.
It sounds like if you don't have the kind of support and guidance you need to tackle your addiction, you at least have a bed, some food, a place to stay. That will hopefully keep you off the street.
There are a bunch of us here, including me, who fell into addiction, got back up, fell again, got back up again, and maybe even repeated that a few more times. I can think of a bunch of us who desperately want to help you, including me, but I don't know if my story comes too late for you.
At 18, I had already smoked pot, dropped acid, taken reds and whites (60's talk), mescaline, and whatever else I could get my hands on. I understand the drugs out there now are far and above past the bad stuff that I could get ahold of at your age. It scares me, because I probably would have used them.
I call this a crossroads for you, because you are at a potential turning point in your life. The steps you take now, the direction you take now, will shape the form your life is going take over the next few years. Since I don't know where you live, or what your situation is, I don't know how to advise you.
At 18, I ran as far away from my parents as I could get, because I hated what they stood for, what I wanted was freedom. That was in the late 60's. It was a time of huge acceptance of runaways, pseudo-hippies like me, girls could hitchhike on the side of the road in relative safety (we thought), and we all seemed to be able to survive in that environment.
The world is harsher now. More dangerous. The economy is bad. You won't easily find work.
Try to lie low and think, that much I can tell you. Take refuge in the small haven your parents still provide for you. While you are doing this, look around at your options. Hopefully you are still in school. If not, make that your first priority.
But get that peer support going through NA, make that the first thing you do. You deserve to have someone on your side who will listen to you. Sometimes parents like your dad just can't be what you want them to be for you. Your dad sounds threatened by your behavior, maybe it brings back some things he feels guilty about, wishes he did differently. It isn't the 70's anymore, and addiction now is not the same as it was then. It's worse, way worse.
An old lady's rant, but I hope you have heard just a little of what I've said.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 336
Hi Icantstandthis and welcome to SR.
Please don't beat yourself up over your relapse. Try to lower your expectations of your dad (can you bring this up in treatment?). He doesn't get it and expecting anything more from him will just hurt you further and deeper (your addict mind thrives on this!) What's done is done and can't be changed so....dust yourself off and continue moving forward.
I think your first priority should be working on your very early recovery in and outside of your treatment center and NOT picking up again. Nothing else matters if you're using.
Can you get some guidance from your treatment center? One of my most cherished friendships I made in treatment was with a 19 year old female herion addict. I'm almost 50 years old. She recently turned 20.
Is your treatment center telling you to go to NA or AA? Maybe you can check that out. Just go and listen, you don't have to jump into anything right away. Just listen and know you are not alone.
All the best to you. <3
Please don't beat yourself up over your relapse. Try to lower your expectations of your dad (can you bring this up in treatment?). He doesn't get it and expecting anything more from him will just hurt you further and deeper (your addict mind thrives on this!) What's done is done and can't be changed so....dust yourself off and continue moving forward.
I think your first priority should be working on your very early recovery in and outside of your treatment center and NOT picking up again. Nothing else matters if you're using.
Can you get some guidance from your treatment center? One of my most cherished friendships I made in treatment was with a 19 year old female herion addict. I'm almost 50 years old. She recently turned 20.
Is your treatment center telling you to go to NA or AA? Maybe you can check that out. Just go and listen, you don't have to jump into anything right away. Just listen and know you are not alone.
All the best to you. <3
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Hi. I can relate to you. I am 27 and used heroin and various other drugs for many years. You cant expect your parents to understand if they are not addicts, they never will fully 'get it'. Its not something that can be learned or explained, only us who experience it can truly get it. But you can be honest with them, let them know what they say how it makes you feel. You need to establish a support network, if you arent already i strongly suggest AA or NA. People there can relate and understand. You dont ever have to use again, and at your age the rest of your life can end up beautiful and full of happiness, or you could be a miserable junkie or worse, dead before 20. You are at a turning point, make the right decision, and follow through with all your heart. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,486
NA is available to any addict who wants to stop using drugs, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live.
Can locate a meeting nearest you here:
www.NA.org - the website for the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous
Can locate a meeting nearest you here:
www.NA.org - the website for the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous
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