Onewithwings

Boy, addicts can do that, cant they?

First I was telling myself it was okay to keep increasing my benadryl dose (to sleep, not to get high)-- 2 pills, 4, 6... finally quit at 6, because I know it is not okay to become dependent on something for sleep that I have to keep increasing, that is not okay with me.

Then the other day I was reading on here on the thread about weight loss pills. I thought "well, I could take those, I could stand to lose some weight" (I am about 2 lbs overweight, lol) which is BS too, as I know I could get addicted just as that person did, it is not okay for me to use substances to change how I look/feel.

At least I am catching myself-- I actually considered ordering the diet pills off the internet, which is a horrible idea for me, as I'm sure I'd end up addicted to those, as I can get addicted to just about anything, even if it doesn't really get me high. I no longer keep benadryl in the house now, and somehow manage to sleep on my own most nights! I know if I want to I can lose weight on my own too. I do not have to rely on chemicals to make a change.

Why do I keep BSing myself?! I am working a program, and am currently finishing the 8th step (well, finished, just need to go over it with my sponsor) but I'm wondering if I don't need to go back and look at something in a previous step-- I am wondering where this BSing is coming from!

Am I missing something?

RNmama

I'm there with you on the BSing myself. I don't believe I am an addict or ever was, yet here I am. I say "I used to be addicted to Vicodin" but I still don't really believe I was. I religiously took 100mg a day (10mg every 2 hours, even through the night), became extremely anxious and preoccupied when I was running low, and would do ANYTHING no matter the cost just to get more. I am now on Subutex and the thought of weaning or ever quiting is something I won't even touch. I would be content to stay on them the rest of my life. Problem is, they aren't working so well for me any more and my doc wants me to start weaning- but I feel like I need more... but I'm not an addict. I have a problem, but I'm not an addict. I'm full of ish is what I am. But I'm not an addict.

Onewithwings

hey RNmama, OT, but you only live a couple hours from me-- cool!

admitting you're an addict is hard. Have you been to NA? There you kind of have to at least say it-- maybe if you say it enough you'll start to believe it-- that's how it worked for me!

stableaddict

I'm sorry., I cannot answer your post.
All I can say is... what are the odds!
I take benadryl every single night.
....Just sat here thinking about it for about thirty-mins, asking myself a series of questions, and got my answers.
The feeling I experience in the morning! -excitement. Might be psychogical...-

Also, I have to take anti-sezuire meds daily. It's complete BS! because I'm the doctor for this medication..
When did I start taking this medication again??? WHEN I STOPPED ROXIS!!!!! When I was doin drugs I never took it, so I haven't taken this drug for years!
....just noticed my pattern!
WHY???
The side effects! It's called the SUPERMODEL DRUG! Makes you stupid and SKINNY! I've lost about 35 pounds, and rockin'! I don't eat a d4mn thing, i just drink coffee and red bull.

-----

Sorry, I know this is pointless information for you. But I just wanted to say thank you for pointing out this information.
Sorry again, I wasnt able to answer you question!

~Stableaddict.

Onewithwings

That's okay stableaddict, I know how rough it was when I first got here and realized how messed up my thinking was-- thankfully now that I realize it I don't have to act on it!