LC80

Hello. I posted these threads on narcotics. Someone told me I should put them on this page. So here we go lol.

I am a mother/wife, have been taking hydrocodone for about 1&1/2 yrs. This may sound minor compared to other levels of intake I read about. I take between 10-30 mgs a day, but even so I can tell it affects my mood, energy, etc. My husband Is a recovering addict (alcohol/hydros) and I think he is starting to resent me for still using. My main question is if I am going to have horrible withdrawl from such a low dose? And if I will suffer from the long term mental affects that take so long to recover from? I am good mother, but know I could be even better if I felt the way I did a couple years ago. Are there any mothers on her that share similar stories? Thanks

Thank you for the replies. Don't really know why im here or where to begin. I ran across this site and decided to check it out. Oddly, from the moment I joined & read other ppls stories I immediately felt some level of comfort. I guess the main reason I'm here is because I feel hopeless, have nobody to talk to, and am mentally and physically drained. I feel like I've failed myself, my children, and life in general. I'm a stay at home mom w two beautiful children. I've been with my husband for 11 years. He's been an alcoholic for 20 (sober for 2)
Whether or not I'm an addict is not questionable, unfortunately I know I am. I've been self medicating for 15 years. Pot was always my drug of choice, and until 3 months ago I smoked it daily ever since high school. I guess I thought if I quit pot that I would feel better abt myself. Wrong. Should have started with the hydros (which are not prescribed btw). I am also addicted to lorazepam (they are prescribed).
Ironically my downfall began when my husband started his road to recovery. Two years ago he had an atv accident and broke several bones. He hasn't had a drink since that day, mainly bc he substituted pain pills for alcohol. He was takin more than prescribed and we started buyin em off the street. That's when I began taking them daily. Very small doses at first just to give me some energy. Now I'm up to 3 or 4 10's a day. Six months ago he went to rehab and changed his life. Hasn't drank or abused drugs since. He even started an antidepressant for anger issues he's had since I met him. After all this, I thought our relationship would be better. It's not it's worse. We have grown apart and I fear I'm losing my marriage. I overlook our problems bc he is such a good father. I feel like we only stay together for the kids. In a way, I resent him for being able to go to treatment and changing his life. And he resents me for still using. I just want him to talk to me, which he doesn't. I want him to want me to get better for the right reasons, not his own selfish ones.
I also know my problems stem from much more than addiction, and probably more from anxiety/depression. I haven't told my family what's going on. Mainly bc I don't want them to think I'm an idiot for letting myself get in this shape. After all, I just watched my husband go thru hell battling addiction. I'm going to try the taper method I hear so many talk about. I'm not use to writing like this or sharing problems with others. I could actually write so much more lol. Anyways, thanks guys for listening. I welcome all replies.

Dopafiend

As far as withdrawls go, they are different for everybody. However, taper or not, there is no easy "kick". You're gonna be uncomfortable. Here's the good news though. If you choose to get sober, you will never have to suffer like this again. Even better, you will have a much better life waiting for you on the other side. How bout them apples?

I kicked cold turkey, and the worst of the withdrawls lasted approximately 5 days for me. After the 5 days, the physcial symptoms improved greatly, but the emotional depression hung on for about a month. Going to NA/AA meetings helped immensely with this.

This sickness is a beast, but you do not have to fight it alone. There is help. Talk with your husband, be honest, and see about help from a 12 step program.

Best of luck to you on the start of your new, better, life

csongbird11

Hello, I'm new to this site as well. I can totally relate to your story. I am a mother of two boys and my hydrocodone addiction stated about 5 years ago. I was a stay at home mom as well. I started taking hydros because I loved the energy it gave me..I was supermom.lol. Well, needless to say my 10-30mg daily eventually turned into a 100mg daily habit that lasted about 2 yrs. I'll tell more of my story later, but this is day 1 clean for me.
I really urge you to get help now. I wish I would have when I was still at 10-30mgs. I knew early on that i was addicted. My brother and dad are both addicts and i managed to stay away from both drugs and alcohol until the age of 29 because i had seen the damage it caused my dad and brother. I felt like i couldn't talk to anyone about it, including my husband. I didn't want anyone to find out my "dirty little secret" that i wasnt the perfect mom and wife. HA!! I know i cant change the past so im now on the road to recovery.

Have you told your husband how you feel? Is there anyone that you can talk to about this. I know its not something you want to share but please dont wait as long as i did to get help. My life has spiraled out of control these last 5yrs. I know that your main concern is your beautiful children. My boys are my world and because of my refusal to get help in the past, i havent fully been there for them. My "good mood" was contingent on if I had my pills or not.

I wish you the best of luck with tapering if you decide to go that route. The support here is awesome. Just reading posts have helped me stay strong along with the support at home and na. Just remember that you are not alone. It's ok to ask for help. It doesn't make you any less of a wife or mother. Although its early in my recovery, getting help was the best thing i've done for my self and my children.




And the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.~Anais Nin~

LC80

Wow, our stories are very similar. I totally get the "superwoman" comparison lol, and how our moods are based on whether or not we've taken pills. I hate that the most. I want to go back to feeling good in the mornings, instead of making myself get up. My children are only 4 and 2, but i remember when my youngest was an infant i felt so grateful to be able to stay at home with them. Now I feel like I am taking them for granted. Dont get me wrong they are still very well taken care of, but my mood swings are affecting the oldest im afraid. She is very temperamental and is throwing horrible tantrums. Not just from my moods, but the general tension in the house between me and my husband. I did get a chance to talk to him tonight. Although he's been clean for 6 months he's still depressed or something. I think that's what i dread the most. Not the physical withdrawl, but the unknown mental aftermath i guess you'd say. I did talk to my husband earlier and convinced him that we both needed to go back to the counseling we started after he completed rehab. So I am looking forward to that. As for the tapering thing, I'm having second thoughts. I feel like that's just an excuse for me to draw it out longer pretty much. And i commend you for going the cold turkey route. I'm so glad you replied to my post, and I look forward to hearing how you are doing over the next several days. I have a feeling it will be hard on you, but I have faith that you like myself will overcome this. Take care. ~Leigh

LC80

Thank Dopafiend! Your words of wisdom are very encouraging, I really appreciate it. So glad I joined this site and know members like you are what's going to get me thru this. Thanks again and take care!