Found some Crystal - Smoked it
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 22
Found some Crystal - Smoked it
Lets see, I am 27 years old. I do not have an addiction to anything but I came to this forum to get something off my chest.
Me and my ex used live together and towards the end of our relationship, I developed a Crystal problem (crystal meth?). I hated my life and I hated my partner but could not get rid of her because I thought I needed her income to keep paying the bills. I started using crystal because a friend of mine was doing it, for the longest time I didnt approve and I would constantly lecture him. Anyway in the midst of depression I started doing it with him and his other cracked out friends. I did it for about 6 - 8 months. I'd say I was addicted but after I started seeing that all the people around me who were doing this drug were disappearing, going to jail, getting killed, dying from overdose or getting a "bad batch" , etc, etc I decided to stop cold turkey.
Its been about 5 years since I last did the stuff. I am a groundskeeper for a living and I take care of all the cleaning and maintenance at some place (rather not say). Today while I was blowing the leaves in the parking lot, I found a bag of crystal. Perhaps someone dropped it or something. I dont know. When I seen it, I knew exactly what it was. It was not a large amount, probably $10 - $20 worth, although I don't really know what people pay for what anymore. My 1st reaction was to throw it in the Street drainage hole, which is exactly what I did. I went back to work but I was thinking about it hard. A couple hours later I went back to the drain hole and fished it out.
I had this bag of crystal in my pocket all day debating on weather or not I am going to go home and smoke this or not. I went to the bathroom a couple times and was going to flush it and get it out of my mind but I never did.
When I got home I broke the end off a light bulb, washed it out really good and used it to smoke the crystal (sucking in the smoke from a straw). After a few smoking sessions over a couple hours, it was gone.
Now I am coming down off the stuff and I feel like a real idiot. I regret my actions today and I feel like a piece of crap. I should have just left it in the gutter or flushed it when I had the chance to.
I have no plans on trying to get more. I dont even know where to buy it anymore.
I just feel like I really failed myself & I needed to confess. Writing this did make me feel a little better. Thanks for reading.
Me and my ex used live together and towards the end of our relationship, I developed a Crystal problem (crystal meth?). I hated my life and I hated my partner but could not get rid of her because I thought I needed her income to keep paying the bills. I started using crystal because a friend of mine was doing it, for the longest time I didnt approve and I would constantly lecture him. Anyway in the midst of depression I started doing it with him and his other cracked out friends. I did it for about 6 - 8 months. I'd say I was addicted but after I started seeing that all the people around me who were doing this drug were disappearing, going to jail, getting killed, dying from overdose or getting a "bad batch" , etc, etc I decided to stop cold turkey.
Its been about 5 years since I last did the stuff. I am a groundskeeper for a living and I take care of all the cleaning and maintenance at some place (rather not say). Today while I was blowing the leaves in the parking lot, I found a bag of crystal. Perhaps someone dropped it or something. I dont know. When I seen it, I knew exactly what it was. It was not a large amount, probably $10 - $20 worth, although I don't really know what people pay for what anymore. My 1st reaction was to throw it in the Street drainage hole, which is exactly what I did. I went back to work but I was thinking about it hard. A couple hours later I went back to the drain hole and fished it out.
I had this bag of crystal in my pocket all day debating on weather or not I am going to go home and smoke this or not. I went to the bathroom a couple times and was going to flush it and get it out of my mind but I never did.
When I got home I broke the end off a light bulb, washed it out really good and used it to smoke the crystal (sucking in the smoke from a straw). After a few smoking sessions over a couple hours, it was gone.
Now I am coming down off the stuff and I feel like a real idiot. I regret my actions today and I feel like a piece of crap. I should have just left it in the gutter or flushed it when I had the chance to.
I have no plans on trying to get more. I dont even know where to buy it anymore.
I just feel like I really failed myself & I needed to confess. Writing this did make me feel a little better. Thanks for reading.
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Meth was my thing. I was clean for almost 2 years when I relapsed in May.
I know how powerful that sh*t is, and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same (honestly, my first reaction to reading this was "Damn, why can't that happen to me?" Sad, huh?). I used to think I wouldn't do it again, but I let myself down and now I don't trust myself.
2 things about my relapse I do not regret:
Knowing that it's still the same out there, it's not fun.
and
Getting right back 'on the wagon.
Learn from this and move forward =)
I know how powerful that sh*t is, and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same (honestly, my first reaction to reading this was "Damn, why can't that happen to me?" Sad, huh?). I used to think I wouldn't do it again, but I let myself down and now I don't trust myself.
2 things about my relapse I do not regret:
Knowing that it's still the same out there, it's not fun.
and
Getting right back 'on the wagon.
Learn from this and move forward =)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by SlvrMag 
Meth was my thing. I was clean for almost 2 years when I relapsed in May.
I know how powerful that sh*t is, and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same (honestly, my first reaction to reading this was "Damn, why can't that happen to me?" Sad, huh?). I used to think I wouldn't do it again, but I let myself down and now I don't trust myself.
2 things about my relapse I do not regret:
Knowing that it's still the same out there, it's not fun.
and
Getting right back 'on the wagon.
Learn from this and move forward =)
I know how powerful that sh*t is, and I can't say I wouldn't have done the same (honestly, my first reaction to reading this was "Damn, why can't that happen to me?" Sad, huh?). I used to think I wouldn't do it again, but I let myself down and now I don't trust myself.
2 things about my relapse I do not regret:
Knowing that it's still the same out there, it's not fun.
and
Getting right back 'on the wagon.
Learn from this and move forward =)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi again Steve
I only did meth once and disliked it so much I never did it again...but I went back to other drugs and booze a million times, sometimes just because it was there.
Eventually I decided enough was enough and I came here - got support and guidance and stayed sober.
I also worked hard on myself so that I didn't want to get high anymore.
I found a bag of weed not too long ago. That was my thing.
Not only did I not want to smoke it, but I thought how utterly unsafe it would be to smoke a bag I found in the gutter.
I'm really glad I made the decision in 07 to change. I hope you'll stick around here too
D
I only did meth once and disliked it so much I never did it again...but I went back to other drugs and booze a million times, sometimes just because it was there.
Eventually I decided enough was enough and I came here - got support and guidance and stayed sober.
I also worked hard on myself so that I didn't want to get high anymore.
I found a bag of weed not too long ago. That was my thing.
Not only did I not want to smoke it, but I thought how utterly unsafe it would be to smoke a bag I found in the gutter.
I'm really glad I made the decision in 07 to change. I hope you'll stick around here too
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Dee74
I thought how utterly unsafe it would be to smoke a bag I found in the gutter.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by Steve55
Lets see, I am 27 years old. I do not have an addiction to anything but I came to this forum to get something off my chest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Tryin2Recover
that devil is going to be whispering in your ear now that you awakened him from his hibernation.
Anyway like I said, I dont even know where to get stuff now and I am not about to go asking random crack heads for help finding some.
5 years ago, I did it for less than a year and quit at will without any help. It didn't really have a strong hold over me.
Today I found some and the temptation to do it again over-took me, not the addiction. But I suppose you can look at it from different perspectives.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: england
Posts: 356
my perspective is that none of us ever thought we'd go back...- i had 5 yrs clean from heroin once along the way but did just like you - 3 weeks l8r it came round and i went there again....then i went there full time again - i'd 1st time round only been there 6 mnths then nothing for 3 yrs !!just would hate to see you there in any amount of time...
you said u had a problem then - lets hope u don't now... the fact that drugs have developed on the street hugely in 5 yrs wtf did ya think u were doing?? i'm wantin u to be a lil mad at me but i relapsed after 5 yrs and your post made me shiver - i should add i used gear to come down off mdma and coke and anything else...to start with..
keep coming here and stay strong but look at yr behaviour - this is all said with love mate...
xx karma
you said u had a problem then - lets hope u don't now... the fact that drugs have developed on the street hugely in 5 yrs wtf did ya think u were doing?? i'm wantin u to be a lil mad at me but i relapsed after 5 yrs and your post made me shiver - i should add i used gear to come down off mdma and coke and anything else...to start with..
keep coming here and stay strong but look at yr behaviour - this is all said with love mate...
xx karma
Garden Variety Addict
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Lambertville, NJ
Posts: 310
I can understand the temptation, particularly because you did nothing to search out, score, cop, etc...
That almost makes it harder. Still, the choice was yours but you seem to be painfully aware of that. I'm not gonna rub it in or minmize your actions. It's done, it's over.
All I can offer you is a reminder there are a few hardcore substances that are 100% guaranteed to wreck your life. Meth is one. So, like I would say to a shooting victim that lives to tell their story, consider yourself lucky and stay out of the line of fire.
That almost makes it harder. Still, the choice was yours but you seem to be painfully aware of that. I'm not gonna rub it in or minmize your actions. It's done, it's over.
All I can offer you is a reminder there are a few hardcore substances that are 100% guaranteed to wreck your life. Meth is one. So, like I would say to a shooting victim that lives to tell their story, consider yourself lucky and stay out of the line of fire.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Well Steve, I really like your honesty. I love that in a person firstly. Ok, temptation was there, you did it, so there and you picked yourself up and dusted yourself. Just think of it as that, JJ
You are worth so much because honesty is worth so much in your recovery.I just love that. You just made a mistake, forgive yourself and move on.
.
You are worth so much because honesty is worth so much in your recovery.I just love that. You just made a mistake, forgive yourself and move on.
.
Garden Variety Addict
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Lambertville, NJ
Posts: 310
It really bus me that this thread gets the "thumbs down" icon. This guy was unequivocally honest about his actions. He expressed his regret and his feelings of failure. I mean, what more could you ask for???
Steve, from me to you, here's a thank you, in lieu of a thumbs up, for being real.
Steve, from me to you, here's a thank you, in lieu of a thumbs up, for being real.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: england
Posts: 356
hey steve just wondered bout the thumbs down bit..did you put that as an indicator or did it get added? we like you being real .. Every respective opinion is worth hearing .. Hope you're doing well.. Xx karma
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 22
Thanks all for replies. I did pick the thumbs down icon because it was thumbs down behavior. lol
The day I did it, Friday, I did not sleep at all that night because I couldn't. Saturday I had some plans and was miserable the entire day because I had been running on no sleep. So I was up for 2 days. Day 1 = regret and anger for doing it. Day 2 = beyond tired and miserable. Guess karma got me.
The day I did it, Friday, I did not sleep at all that night because I couldn't. Saturday I had some plans and was miserable the entire day because I had been running on no sleep. So I was up for 2 days. Day 1 = regret and anger for doing it. Day 2 = beyond tired and miserable. Guess karma got me.
Not again
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Central NY
Posts: 1,139
Yup, been there..done that. But that's behind me and I am moving forward.
What I would like to know is where ya'll live, ya' ain't got no bumps in your roads.
I may not travel the smoothest roads and most of them are uphill, but neither am I coasting nor standing still.
Larry
What I would like to know is where ya'll live, ya' ain't got no bumps in your roads.
I may not travel the smoothest roads and most of them are uphill, but neither am I coasting nor standing still.
Larry
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