AngelSiren31

My husband has been using drugs and alcohol as a way to cope with life's stresses. He refuses to use pills because his dad abused those and ended up dying and he doesnt want to end up that way, but he will self-medicate with alcohol and meth. When I make a big deal about him using, he says "so what if I spend $20-40 a week or every two weeks' like it's not a big deal. He doesn't see himself when he's using, he doesn't know what he is like when he uses and the days after he uses. He is so agitated and dangerous. Under the influence has done things to me and he can't stop himself and then apologizes later and says he will stay sober, but he has said that so many times, I don't believe him. I don't like to see him that way, all paranoid and hearing things and seeing things and he thinks I'm being conniving and sneaking around behind his back, but he doesn't see all that. He believes what he sees and hears while he is using and that is scary. I really don't want to lose him, but I don't know what to do. He says he needs help, but he goes as far as seeing a doctor, but won't take the medication prescribed to him. He'd rather self medicate. I'm at a loss, the only times he stays sober is when I leave him, then he uses when I come back. I love him sober. Does anyone have any advice for me?

Marcus

You might want to post this same thing over in the friends and family forum. They probably will not give you the advice you want to hear, but maybe the advice you need to hear.

When you say "Under the influence he has done things to me and he can't stop himself". That doesn't sound good. Sounds like you might need to get out of there. Like you said the only time he stay sober is when you leave (better yet maybe he needs to leave - no reason for you to have to). I don't know if there are kids involved or what, but if he is getting violent it is time to get out of there.

He is not going to change unless he wants to change. I wish I had better news for you. Take care of yourself!

dreamscape

keep yourself safe!

greeteachday

Hi, Sorry for what has brought you here, but glad that you found SR.

There are many spouses of addicted men and women over in our Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum, so you may want to introduce yourself there. Lots of experience, strength and hope to share.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

gunslinger

RUN, RUN as FAST as YOU CAN...

(how long can you tread water?)