CatWings

I stopped using cannabis about 44 days ago and am almost to a whole month of no alcohol, though cannabis was more of a problem for me than anything. But being that I tend to switch addictions and have had problems with compulsive drinking in the past for the wrong reasons, I have given that up to and have attended only one AA meeting so far in all this.

Last night I had a video performance to do and the people who own the venue were passing around a joint and the DJ's I hired took a puff and I had to decline. It was really really difficult. Then I felt I wanted at least a glass of wine for my nerves, but I got through this whole thing clean and sober.

I feel good about that but find myself questioning why I can't use cannabis here and there or have a glass of wine here and there? Everyone else around me seems to be doing OK with a puff and a drink here and there.

I can tell who the real pot-heads are, however. I get the idea that my DJ's do it if it's around but are not constant users. Everyone else I know in the music scene just about - is a chronic user.

My ex was a chronic user and was hiding his alcoholism from me as well. He broke up with me over me having a hard time with his more excessive use than mine and I am glad I am out of that so I could get clean and sober as well. But I as so upset that I started drinking and using a lot of cannabis and that is when I decided enough is enough.

It's just hard when I see other people seeming to do just fine on that much booze and weed and I start wondering why I am labeling myself an addict and alcoholic. But honestly, I don't want to be dependent on cannabis anymore. I never felt good about it.

But I was keenly aware of my own struggle and my feeling of separation last night from those who do and those who now don't and I am in the minority.

I see my ex moving on with other women and other stoners getting married and I feel like it's not bad for them, why did I have to make a big deal out of it? Is this my addiction talking?

But I am still glad I woke up clean and sober. I think the benefits of being sober outlast the long-term benefits of not being so. I woke up feeling some dignity and self-respect for my decisions.

I think I need to get to more meetings and be around more sober people and am just wondering if there is anyone else here who has quit weed and goes through the insidious self-talk as well.

Thanks,
Cat

Dee74

I asked myself that for many years - my answer now is I'm not like other folks CW.

I like myself a lot more without drugs or alcohol in me, and so does my music, my friends and the people I love.

D

unkut

im going through the exact same thing as you with the weed and booze, im really glad you posted this

CatWings

I am glad you said that about your music, because I know my art and my technical interest and skills in it are going to increase without addiction dragging me down. If I want to learn new things and retain them, I need a clear head. Thanks! Congrats!

CatWings

The other thing I came away with last night was that high others were partaking in is temporary and they coughed and loaded down their livers while doing it. I didn't. I treated my body with respect too.