Angelic17

Can anybody tell me why most addicts refuse to realize that they are the cause of their own drug abuse? That they have done this to themselves. That they are responsible for what they put into their bodies. That he/she chose to use the drugs.

I was talking with a young man today, who has been clean for about 11 months(only because he will go to jail if he comes up dirty). He was blaming his parents, home environment, and his financial status for his problems. Everything and everyone (according to him) is the reason why he became an addict. He said New York City has pushed him over the edge. If he hadn't left his home state he never would have been an addict. And so on and so on. So I asked him if he did drugs in his hometown of Ohio. He said he did, but he could've stopped anytime. So I asked him why he didn't. He said he wasn't ready. His parents threw him out. He said he came to New York to get away from the drugs and friends, and wound up addicted to heroin and xanax worse than before. So, he claims that he left Ohio to get clean, and now has become a worse addict in NY. Then he said that he was recently diagnosed with hepatitis b. He blames NY, and the woman he was sleeping with and sharing a needle with for that. (Again it's not his own fault). He is on probation for felony drug charges for the next 5 years.(Again It's Not his fault). He only sold the drugs to get money to live. If his parents hadn't thrown him to the wolves he wouldn't be in this situation. I asked him why he doesn't take a look at himself, and his behavior regarding his legal, health, and drug problems. I tried to tell him that geography doesn't really matter, that where ever he goes, he is responsible for his own actions. I was trying to tell him that it's the drugs that gave him all of the other problems. I told him the drugs are everywhere, and it was his choice to use them or not. It seemed to be falling on deaf ears. This guy is 32 years old, and just didn't want to listen to anything my friend and I were trying to tell him. I have noticed that alot of people that are addicted to opiates just can't listen to anything, or anyone. Even if they are clean, you can't reason with them. It's annoying listening to them blaming everyone else. Man up and take responsibility for your own actions. You are the person responsible for your own happiness today.

I am curious to know if it's the brain, or the drug, that doesn't allow the addict to listen. He is the one buying and selling the drugs. He is the one getting arrested for buying heroin. Is it a brain impairment? Or is it just the persons personality? Did the drugs destroy the part of the brain that can listen and learn? Why can't he realize that he is causing his own troubles? And that the drugs have caused all of the other problems that have followed. I've heard alot of other moms tell me that their addict children blame everyone else for their problems too. I couldn't believe how serious this guy was while he was ranting. A big 240 pound grown man. With a Bachelors Degree. He's not stupid at all. Yet, I felt like there was no getting through to him. It was like I was talking to a 10 year old. 10 year olds listen and learn better. He really felt that it's his parents fault for making him leave Ohio. I was trying to tell him that he is a 32 year old man and his mom and dad are not responsible for him. He just didn't get it. He shouldn't be depending on his mom and dad at this age. And using drugs in their house is what got him thrown out. He JUST DOESN'T GET IT.

Dee74

It took me a while to fully accept responsibility Angelic.

I think most addicts come from a place of pain and sorrow - I know I did - so it's probably easier to put the blame on whatever the factors were there.

It keeps the evil 'out there', y'know?

and I can't speak for anyone else but I was just a kid when I started - and the using and drinking kept me there - I look back now and I'm pretty amazed at how childish and immature I was, all the way up through my 30s until I quit at 40.

Add to that the denial factor - noone wants to admit they're an addict, and noone wants to readily admit they screwed up or lost the plot...

so, yeah, I can see why people look for, and sometimes come to vehemently believe, in these external factors as 'the cause'

D

Sugah

If the answer to addiction was simply a matter of reason--helping an addict to see the nature of her or his difficulties--it wouldn't be addiction. And if putting the drug down was all that was necessary to recover from addiction, addicts who had faced serious consequences would never pick back up again. Many addicts who have recovered will tell you that this self-centeredness that stood in the way of their recovery was present long before they picked up a drug, and if they didn't become willing and take steps to reduce and/or eliminate it, they'd have gone back to using.

Cunning, baffling, powerful...no human power could have relieved our addiction...

When he hurts badly enough, he'll seek a solution, either by using again, or by becoming willing to recover.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

dreamscape

There is no doubt in my own mind that there are contributing factors in life.......but with all the help at our feet, there is no excuse to keep on using.

The only one person who puts pills into my mouth is me.
Let's face it, all the pleading, all the name calling, all the treatment centres and meetings will do squat if the addict isn't done.

glitter

angelic - your sig line says "Love the addict Hate the disease."

Do you really acknowledge that addiction is a disease?

If so, would you try to convice a person with heart disease, cancer or diabetes that their disease is their choice and by choosing to not have it any longer, it will go away or they will somehow "get it" and be well? All of these are chronic, progressive diseases that have potential for relapse and often end with death.

Just wondering.

Angelic17

Hello Glitter, I think that addiction is a disease. Even though some people will argue with that. I even understand the brain and why it goes back to use again and again. It's a compulsion. What I don't understand is why the addict cannot see that he/she is responsible for what they put into their bodies. And I wonder why they keep blaming others, for what they are doing to themselves. That's my point. Why blame everyone else? Your putting the drugs into your system.

Addiction is probably one of the only diseases that is self inflicted. If the addict stops using, he will eventually go back to a normal way of life. The brain does heal if the addict gives it a chance to. Almost every drug addict knows that he/she is an addict. Every addict knows that if they continue to use, they might die or end up in jail. What I am trying to say is, if you are an addict, stay away from the drugs. Otherwise your going to have severe troubles in your life. If your an alcoholic, stay out of the bar, and the liquor store.

Recovering from addiction is difficult. I understand that the brain keeps telling the alcoholic/drug user to go and get the substance of his choice. I think the healing starts with taking responsibility for your own actions. Admitting that your addicted and you need to change your ways is one of the first steps to getting well. Realize that you are the person who is responsible for your own health. Not your mom and dad when your 32 years old.

A person with diabetes, cancer or heart disease usually uses some type of a medication to get well. They try treatments,diets, and certain types of therapies.They go to the doctor, and they get treatment. People that have these types of illnesses, try to stay away from what it is that causes the illness, or contributes to it.

Addicts know that they cannot use drugs. If they do, they can't control it. Because they have the brain disease of addiction. So, if your 32 years old, and your mom isn't feeding you anymore, you need to watch what you feed yourself. If your sick, you do what you can to learn about your illness, and then you try to listen to what the professionals tell you to do. If your a drug addict, and you want to stop using, take responsibility for your own actions, and stop blaming others. Understand that your brain is trying to send you out to get more. Ignore it, until the feeling passes. It usually takes over a year or two to stop the brain from sending that message.

My point is don't continue to use drugs, and blame everyone else. You don't bring heroin into your moms house, and then expect not to get thrown out. Most parents wont allow that, because they don't want to lose their home. They also don't want their child shooting dope. It's definitely grounds for eviction. But the addict himself, doesn't think so. He thinks that his mom and dad are selfish, and that they are to blame. I'm trying to figure out why the addict cannot see that he is the one causing the problems. That's what I was trying to say. Thanks for your post Glitter. It made me try to explain a little better. I don't know if I made my point, but I'm trying.

Freedom1990

I thought you were a recovering addict too, Angelic?

glitter

I will ALWAYS be an addict. I will ALWAYS be in recovery. My life will be different and better without a doubt, but it will never be "normal" by ordinary standards. I will always have this beast in the recesses of my brain.

While there are those who do make lifestyle and diet changes, take their meds and comply with therapies that their doctors order for them, I wholeheartedly disagree that it's that simple. Millions of people in the US who are diagnosed with chronic illness are completely noncompliant with meds and/or treatment. It's a complicated problem sometimes with the pure and simple fact that people are not compliant with their doctors orders (especially diet/exercise) or it has to do with insurance payment/nonpayment of preventative measures (a whole other topic). As an RN I am first-hand witness to the outcomes of noncompliance in chronic disease. The one that comes to mind first and strongest is the below the knee amputation of a diabetic who either was unable or unwilling to manage their disease for whatever reason. Sadly, it's very common.

There definitely must be a willingness of an addict and an admission of powerlessness over their addiction, but it is not something, one day an addict says, and the next day everything changes and one becomes better. It's just not like that.

If someone were trying to force me to "get it" while I was in the throes of my addiction it would cause me to use even more.

glitter

Interesting thread. Thanks Angelic. I think the way of thinking that you describe is something that addicts as well as society battles with. I also think it's the kind of thinking that keeps addicts addicted. Like it's a moral deficiency or inability to choose between right or wrong.

Dee74

I get where you're coming from D - but I think you have to remember - it's easy to say 'stay out of the liquor store' this side of things, but I literally couldn't do that for 15 years or more.

I had to reach the point where I admitted I had a problem, I couldn't beat it, and I was prepared to do whatever it took to stop.

I had to actively take myself out of the cycle, and stop using or drinking, before I could see things clearly.

I was poisoning myself and making myself insane. Insane people don't do logic very well.

D

karma35

umm i'm real unsure of the politics here so cautiously..... really don't want to upset anyone but..
- when angelic has a rant - it comes from her own experience which after all is why we all come here isn't it?
- she is prepared to give any of us the time of day - she has supported me over 2 yrs... i think u'll find that she had to learn those lessons over a long period and can happily celebrate 5+ yrs clean...from heroin - if you wanted to check her background/blog etc - i dont usually jump to defend - its just this girl has cared so deep and comes from the heart - it hurts her thassall so ... i have only ever seen her get this upset this once - umm i hope u dont mind me sayin - she WAS JUST GIVIN AN EXAMPLE - i am recently clean and she has never given up on me - and anuvver thing - she is only sharing a personal view - the same as we all are lucky to have the freedom to do here
hugs to all
Karma
ps the guy she's talkin of has 11 mnths clean btw.. so not in active addiction.. please read careful..

meditation

Threads like this disturb me. I guess it's a trigger for me...knowing that all the people out there that are angry at addicts and addiction. It's the part of addiction I really hate, always feeling like a loser, getting labeled feeling like real recovery is a myth, once you got the mark of the beast. sigh

glitter

I have actually come to realize that this thread is also a trigger for me. LOL!

What happens to me is the .... "I know I'm right and I must convince you that I am right!" In the past with politically charged topics I would literally spend hours and hours looking up reputable references and citations online or share first-hand experience to prove my point.

I've learned (right now anyway in my early sobriety) that I just can't do that. I begin to obsess.

One day when I am able I hope to give back in a way that is helpful when it comes to addiction. As a healthcare professional I feel I have an opportunity to do this....especially within my own profession that sorely lacks in this area.

Dee74

If I felt any of these posts were an attack I'd remove them.

I know Angelic pretty well and I know her circumstances. I think nearly everyone in this thread does - but the discussion here has been fairly general and universal in its scope, and I think within the rules and not inflammatory or hostile.

We're a discussion board - it's ok to discuss stuff - even if we disagree on a few points

If the thread makes you uncomfortable, it's probably best to leave it for a while.
D

mfanch

I was an addict before I EVER put chemicals in my body.

Zencat

I started my addiction early in life, well before my brain had a chance to fully develop. I also didn't care what I was doing to my mind and body because of an attitude that was shaped by childhood trauma. So yes I did pick up drugs but I was also confused and ashamed of being me.

I see addiction as a brain disease. Drug use hijacks the brain, essentially hijacks the person. Its like addiction runs the show. It alters perception, experiences and thoughts in a way the protect the addict from seeing things as the are. I wish it was as simple as wake up and smell the coffee...poof, no more addiction. But living in a dream world where reality is so distorted and twisted, just doesn't lend its self easily to wake up calls.

Reality did seep in to my addiction eventually. And the wake up call was a stark bone jarring realization that I needed to change my ways or die. Even this kind of experience is not enough for some in addiction...it was for me tho. Knowing that there was a need for change in my life was just the start. I had to develop new living skills in order to get out of my patterns of living that were conducive to drug use. Like having a recovery program with support.

Angelic17

Hello Anvil, It's good to hear from you. I'm sorry if you think I was lumping all addicts into one category. I do know that everyone is different. That all addicts are not the same. What I was trying to ask is, what it is about the opiates that keeps some addicts in constant turmoil? What is it that keeps them blaming others? Why can't they see that they are the ones taking the drug. It seems to me that some addicts cannot see that it's him/her that is taking the drug. I guess I might have phrased the thread in the wrong way. I do apologize for that. I was mostly referring to this younger man. And some other young men as well. A few moms on here have told me that their sons don't take responsibility for their actions either. That they have blamed their addiction and problems on everyone else. All of those addicts were on opiates. I was trying to ask if it's the addicts brain, or the opiates that keeps them in denial. That was my original question. Is it the drug that blocks the reasoning? Or is it the addict himself? I am going to go back and read my original post. I'm sure I didn't post it correctly.

Believe me, I have learned alot about addiction over the years. I would never judge any addict. They are human beings just like anyone else. Addicts are the best and strongest people in the world to me. My brother died from a heroin overdose. I too was addicted to Vicodins for 10 years. That is an opiate, I'm sure you already know that. I was able to take responsibility for myself knowing that I took the pills,and I abused them for a long time. My doc gave them to me for a broken arm and leg after a car accident. I stayed on them 9 years after my bones healed. I took them in mass quantities.

So, believe me, I'm not lumping or judging all addicts. I don't think the way this young man thinks at all. I was able to understand my brain.
I think this guy's denial really aggravated me because, he kept blaming his parents. He has great parents. And, he's not the first person I have seen do this blaming. I was wondering about the drug and the brain. That's what I was trying to say. Besides I am an addict 5 years into my own recovery. I am also the mother of an addict. My son drove me crazy with his addiction. It broke my heart. That was the most hurtful experience of my life. He is clean now, and I am grateful. I ran after him, and chased him trying to save his life. I later learned that didn't work. I had to let go, and when I did he decided to stop using drugs. My son has never blamed me for his addiction. I blamed myself for a while thinking that he got it from me. He knows that he put the drugs in his body. Not me. However, addiction runs in my family. My mother was an alcoholic, my brother a heroin addict. My sister is 11 years clean from opiate pills. So maybe he did get the gene from me. I heard it's hereditary.

So, I do know what it's like to come off of drugs. To suffer the torment of needing more of the drug to feel normal. I was taking 25-30 Vicodin ES a day for years. When I stopped using, believe me I felt it. All of the changes, I had terrible anxiety, I was hot and cold. I had chills, aches and pains. I couldn't get comfortable in my own skin for months. It felt like torture. It was a big struggle for me to stay clean. I dragged myself around for about a year until I started feeling just a little bit better. I'm sorry you got the wrong impression of me. This is good though, because it's going to make me be more careful when I post something. I will definitely analyze what I write before I submit. It seems everytime I post something it doesn't come out the way I meant it. Anyway, thank you. I appreciate your input. Have a Happy Thanksgiving

Angelic17

Wow, I am so misunderstood here. I would never want to trigger anyone's drug use or disturb anyone's serenity. I am not angry at addicts. I don't judge them at all. I suffer from the same exact problem as you and many others here. Me, and many others in my family are addicts. My brother died from a heroin overdose. My son is an addict as well. I don't judge anyone for who they are, or what they have done. Addiction is not a moral issue. It is an illness of the brain. At least that's how I see it. I'm very sorry if you felt attacked of triggered by my thread Mediatation. I didn't mean it to sound the way you perceived it. I hope you have a Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving.

Angelic17

Exactly Dee, admitting YOU had a problem. Thank you so much for posting this. I feel upset that I hurt others on this site. It's the last thing I wanted to do. Even though this guy is clean 11 months, he is still blaming his parents. I wanted to know if it's a trait of the opiates, or the addicts brain? I guess as usual I posted incorrectly. And things are taken the wrong way. Boy oh boy Dee. Every time I post I raise a riot. I really do feel bad. I guess this young man triggered something in me, by not taking responsibility for his own mistakes. Happy Turkey Day Dee. I sure wish I was where you are.

Angelic17

Thanks Karma, I love you to peices and I'm so proud of you. You've really come a long way. Congrats on your clean time. Way to go girl.