lulu70

I know you are here somewhere. I was looking around for some threads about marijuana recovery and lost patience and decided to post instead. So here goes...

As you will see by my join date, I have been in recovery for about 7 years. Initially went to treatment for alcohol and pot abuse and was clean and sober for about four years. I stopped talking to my sponsor, kept going to meetings, but slowly shut myself off from recovery. About three years ago I decided I could smoke pot sometimes and still be okay. What a joke!! I have been kidding myself that it wasn't a problem for two years and now am going to have to turn down a fabulous job--one I have been working toward for the past five years--because I won't pass the drug screen. I only smoked a little bit of pot yesterday and none today. I plan on not smoking the rest of today and will deal with tomorrow when it comes. What went wrong? I decided I could do it all by myself, that's what went wrong. Now I am asking for help. My biggest defect is pride. I don't want people to know that I need help. But I am going to give it a try.

I'm glad you all are here.

Freedom1990

Hey Lulu, it's good to see you here! I know all about the doing it by myself because I went back out there after 4 years clean/sober.

All I can recommend is to dig back into what kept you clean before.

That flight of steps up to my home 12-step group was a long flight of steps to climb, but I'm grateful I admitted defeat once again, and was willing to do whatever it took to stay in recovery.

Keep posting, and know you are among friends!

Dee74

Hi Lulu

I was hooked on pot...before I got hooked on booze.

There's a really prevalent attitude that marijuana is somehow 'harmless' or a lesser danger than other drugs but it was every bit as catastrophic for me as alcohol was.

I'm sorry about your job. I think the best thing is to flush whatever you have left and go on as you mean to continue. Freedoms suggestion is great if you're a 12 step gal

I suffered no physical withdrawal - but the mental obsession, and the irritability, were difficult to deal with for a couple weeks.

Don't be afraid to ask for help either. I let my pride interfere with that for years.

D

johndelko408

I'm a pothead in recovery as well as an alcoholic. I thought that I could start smoking again if I only did it on weekends. Well weekends turned into everyday and I became a daily habitual smoker again. I do believe that the effects of pot arent as bad as alcohol but I still didn't like the effect it had on my life. I didn't like the fact that it made me emotionally cut off from the workday, I didn't like the fact that it became my number 1 priority. I'm happier now that I don't smoke anymore, I do still crave it but I know that I'm 100% better off without it.

Angelic17

Hello LuLu, I was a big pothead for many years. It was the only drug I used for a very long time. Pot distorts your way of thinking. Gives you glassy eyes, and it makes you tired and irritable. The funny thing is, when I stopped smoking, I never missed it. It was like it never existed. Maybe that's because I got addicted to opiates instead. Alot of people have the false belief that pot isn't harmful. That it's ok to smoke weed. The truth is that it is harmful. And it's not safe because it changes your thinking, and leads you right out to other wrong things. Pot is a gateway drug. It's not worth it. I haven't smoked weed in years. And the funny thing is, all the people that were my friends then, stopped bothering with me, when I stopped smoking. I guess, we had nothing in common anymore. I grew, and they stayed where they are. Clean your system out, and go and get that job. Take the drug test anyway. They are probably looking for narcotics, and not focused on the weed. It can't hurt to try. Drink alot of water with lemon. And flush your system out. I hope you get your job. Weed was easy for me to let go of. I guess not everyone is like me. I didn't miss it once I was done. Good Luck to you lulu.

tsmba

I smoked pot for years. Later, after being sober awhile, I got into "marijuana maintenance", which is complete ********! There is a certain crowd that like to claim that it "helps their recovery", but I don't buy that. I've heard all the crap about it being "natural", "harmless", "should be legal", and so on. To me, its close to claims made by folks who use tobacco...."it is legal" or "its not mood-altering"......excuses that make no sense.

Ainslie

^^^ thats from a cypress hill track, one of many I listened to as a teen in a bid to justify my weed habit. I focused on the good things about marijuana - there really is only one good thing about it and that is 90% of the population can use it without a problem - so what's the problem? The 10% of us that cant!

Im on day 5. In an environment where im safe and not really craving. Hence not posting earlier. Ive been smoking every day for 14 years, bar a 60 day break when I was in my early 20s.

Like Dee, I was hooked on pot way before alcohol (age 14 I started smoking every day, drinking every day at 21) However, I dont know if I could have given up the booze without the pot to pacify me in those first few weeks. I have a sneaking suspicion many others used pot in early sobriety also. Most heavy drinkers I knew smoked pot too.

All I can say is day one and two were the hardest for me, but I know as soon as I get home (2 days time) ill be bored and craving therefore posting a lot more. I really want to get through this. There is so much to look forward to.

Sorry to rant on about myself, but im really glad you posted about this...

lulu70

Thanks for all the posts, everyone. I am almost through day one. Of course, now I have to get through NIGHT one. We'll see how it goes. I don't have anything left and I have no way to get it, so at least there's that.

You are so right, Angelic. Although I don't know about going ahead with the drug test. Pot is a narcotic so I'm pretty sure they will be looking for it. I have thought about trying to clean out my system, but I've heard they can tell if your urine is diluted, and I don't want to risk getting caught trying to fake it. I smoked a LOT of pot over the last three years. I'm certain I will fail the test.


Hey Tom. I am actually one of those people who think it should be legal--or alcohol should be illegal. But it's not for me. I smoke cigarettes, too, but I'm not going to try to give them up yet. Thanks for your ESH, though. I see you are in the "middle of MO." I lived most of my life in Columbia. Are you close to there?


Thanks, Ainslie. And way to go on your days so far. I am definitely part of the 10%. I wish I wasn't an addict, but I am and there isn't much I can do about it. Except try to live clean and sober. And I'm glad to know that you aren't feeling too bad anymore at day 5. Maybe some people have a harder time with withdrawal than others, but I feel like total crap today. I know it will get better soon, though.

Tomorrow, I hope to feel good enough to go out and get some exercise. I know that will help, too.

And I'm gonna keep coming back here, too! SR really helped me a lot through the beginning of my recovery last time. I'm sure it will help again now.

Take care everyone, and please keep the ESH coming.

lulu70

Thanks, Freedom. I am going to dig back in with both feet. And hands, and whatever other limbs I can get to work.

Thanks, Dee. There is a reason that pride is considered one of the seven DEADLY sins.

You are so right. It makes me emotionally cut off from everything. I'm glad you're feeling better now and fighting the cravings. It gives me hope!

windysan

step away from the twinkie

lulu70

Ha, ha. Yep. No more Twinkies for me.

johndelko408

I disagree with pot being a gateway drug. I drank before I ever smoked, and how many people start out with crack, coke or heroin; so of course its going to start with pot.. I started smoking weed out of curiosity just like everything else I've done. I continued smoking weed because I enjoyed the high. I didn't enjoy meth so I was able to quit that cold turkey.

Dee74

Let's not turn this into another thread about what marijuana is or isn't.

For the OP, and for me and many others here, it's a problem.

Let's focus on that, and on the OP, thanks.
D

windysan

i haven't had a twinkie in years.

they are SO AWESOME

lulu70

You know there is a place in NYC that dips Twinkies in batter and deep fries them? Is that intense, or what?

To John--I'm glad that pot isn't a problem for you. Considering how awful I feel my first day off, it is definitely a problem for me. I would smoke when I told myself I wasn't going to. I smoked when I woke up and smoked before I went to bed. I smoked before I gave my kid a bath. I smoked before I gave myself a bath. Before I went to the store or the mall or to a movie. Or even before I went out to dinner with my family. It is a problem for me. Thanks for posting, though. Despite my problems with it, I know plenty of people for whom it is not a problem. I, for one, am looking forward to doing those things without being high.

BTW--I have officially made it through my first 24 hours pot-free!!

lulu70

BTW--I think they are all gateway drugs. For an addict, the first mood-altering substance ingested is THE gateway drug.

Ainslie

Hey again lulu70

Withdrawal definitely isnt easy for me - last year I tried and made it to day 4 and felt like I had some severe mental illness - crying one minute, laughing the next. Im not so up and down this time, because im in a more stable environment with few people that push my buttons. LOL. I lost the plot last night though and yelled at someone who totally didnt deserve it - her presence just annoyed me. I am awful sometimes. Im definitely having cravings - but the type where i just think of weed, tell myself its not an option, distract myself, and the craving has gone. Dealing with other people is an entirely different kettle of fish, I get annoyed very easily.....last time it was my incapacity to deal with people that led me back to the bong. This time round im just avoiding those people - at least for the first couple of weeks. I smoked about 3-4 grams a day - morning through night - so i think about it all the time - its not like theres a specific danger time of day where I have to distract myself from the usual 'after work smoke' - I have to distract myself all day! Drug testing is far less common in Australia, only really in mining and other dangerous jobs, that I know of. I smoked before, during and after work.

I couldnt eat for the first 2 days and still cant really eat much - i bought some multivitamins and managed to eat a couple of bananas, now im eating a meal a day.

The one time I gave up for 60 days I remember feeling so much more clearheaded than this.....but my head feels the same on day 6 as it did on day 3. Ripped off! I want to feel amazing NOW! Also, im only getting 3-5 hrs sleep a night, but it is such a deep wonderful sleep, waking once or twice to go to the bathroom, few nightmares, compared to 8-10 hrs sleep, waking anywhere between 5-15 times a night, constant nightmares and waking feeling more like ive been run over by a bus.

I thought I had a sleep disorder, I think it's just the weed. I know heaps of people that smoke as much as I do, and dont have sleep problems though? My vocabulary is coming back, im no longer telling people 'hang on i just have to think of the right word', then forgetting what im talking about altogether!

Agree with your gateway drug theory too

Keep it up Lulu, and feel free to PM me if you want

lulu70

Man, I hope it doesn't last that long for me. At least I have no easy option to get more pot. I don't know anyone to get it from within 500 miles. I have a freind who would mail it to me if I asked, but I'm not going to ask. I also told her I am trying to quit so she would probably really question it if I asked her to send me some.

I remember the ups and downs from the first time I quit. Luckily, I am in the middle of a lot of stressful stuff right now so if I cry for no apparent reason, my family doesn't think I am too quackers. And I can already tell a difference in how my brain is working. I think if I can get around and exercise tomorrow, it will help. Did you know that after 45 minutes, a runner gets the same feeling as a person who just smoked pot? Of course, at this point I can only run for about 5 minutes, but vigorous walking helps, too. The no-apetite and anxiety thing are definitely the worst part for me. I keep feeling like I am having a panic attack. I hope that stops soon. Especially tonight.

I think I am going to try to go to bed now. I'll be in touch tomorrow and let you know how it went.

You hang in there!!! It WILL get better. We just have to have faith that it will.

CatWings

I am a recovery pot head. I have 44 days today and I went through all kinds of hell withdrawing physically and mentally. It took me about two weeks to start feeling a bit better and I've been feeling better and better since. I like having a clear head and feeing more engaged with reality and that things are clearer and brighter. But it's still hard for me. I won't lie. I could have relapsed last night but I played the tap through to the end of how I would feel if I did after all this, and I just didn't. I don't believe anymore that MJ is not addiction or harmless. I was involved with an extreme pot-head and it hurt our relationship and me using too caused me to doubt my own best interests, not be able to think through things clearly, overreact emotionally, etc. I have more energy and focus now. I find that little by little things are getting done and my focus in improving on tasks that take more time and energy. I hear it take more than just a month or two to start feeling the full benefits of not smoking. I feel like my depression is a lot more manageable and I am even able to cut down on some of the meds I was on. My bipolar symptoms are that much better already. I feel more interested in other people than in my own little world. I am glad I am not buying into the whole "pot is the best medicine" etc. etc. harmless, good for you, etc.. It's all B.S. to me now as I know having been addicted to it since my teens. I am now 44 and I am glad to have the pot mess off my kitchen table as well. One less thing to have to obsess about in my life. I now see clearly others me around me who are chronic chronic users and they don't look good, even if they are still very productive for how much they use. They look unhealthy, prematurely older, and not fully present or engaged when you talk to them. It took me quitting to notice this. I have also noticed that my skin looks better even though I was vaporizing. I saw a picture of myself and I just look brighter-eyed and happier. I think pot is dangerous is that it is so insidious and it remains in your fat cells in your liver and your brain for a long time. Just because the subculture says it's good, doesn't mean it is as good as it is touted to be. It was not for me.

Ainslie

Thank you so much for your post CatWings - it is great to hear from someone a couple of weeks ahead of me - where are all the rest of the recovering potheads LOL?!?!?! Surely theres more around here!!!

I am at day 14 and although I feel good most of the time - I was looking forward to going to work today and woke up and just couldnt do it - went to my doctor who told me to give myself a break that I was still going through withdrawal etc - I know pot hangs around in your system for ages but didnt expect to be getting so teary and emotional. I feel EXACTLY like I have bipolar - theres no happy medium - im either in an 'oh my god im on top of the world i cant believe i ever smoked that ****' mood or full of rage/depressed/anxious.

The highs outweigh the lows - but theres no point in telling me that when im low LOL.

One particular symptom that is bothering me is being midsentence and forgetting what im talking about. Is this still happening for you? Most stoners I know suffer from it but its irritating that its still happening after ive abstained for 14 days!!

I am absolutely floored that such a thing as the 'marijuana maintenance program' exists. What a backwards world.

Thanks again for your post