itsnowornever

To be honest the hardest part about this withdrawal is the depression and complete lack of self worth. I was clean for a little over 30 days in March and April and then I made the painful mistake. I now have the most amazing woman in my life who I have waited 33 years for and I need to get this taken care of asap as she is moving in with me on Jan 1st. I have always been one to use oxy/roxy for no more than 4 days in a row with an occasional week long bender. Today is day 3 of my w/d's and I know that it must happen this time. I love hearing the stories of success and I feel like I have the tools in place to have a great life but I have always abused some sort of substance since I was 20. I've been through the pot phase, coke phase, drunk phase and now the pill phase. I am determined but as always I would appreciate all the support I can get. Thank you.

tsmba

You need to get your priorities straight. We can only get sober for ourselves, not for some other person. While its fine to want things to go well, great friends, wonderful personal traits (like being nice or intelligent), etc., etc. will not keep us sober. There is a raft of recovery info on this site, use it. Your best bet will be to get involved in a 12-step group and start working a recovery program....today!

itsnowornever

I guess I should have been clear that it is for me first and foremost. However, I have lost enough as the result of substance abuse and I'm not losing the love of my life too.

SpaceDementia

I'm just letting you know that you're not alone. Though I am younger I am in the same boat. I'm currently dealing with withdrawal myself. I know all about the depression, lack of motivation, and the overwhelming feelings of worthlessness. Hang in there and keep posting on here. It helps. Being reminded that others are going through the same thing as you in addition to hearing from people that have gone through this mess and have come out the other side, well, every bit of encouragement is beneficial.
And it really is now or never...

itsnowornever

Thank you Space. I wish you all the best too. I know we can do it and I have the will to do it. I just feel that I have already paid far to great of a price for those stupid pills. So on we go on the road to recovery

suki44883

If you truly love this woman, you won't allow her to move in with you until you have stopped using and are working a program of recovery. It isn't fair to her and you stand a good chance of losing her anyway if you relapse. She might be better off living separately until you get yourself squared away and are consistently working a program.

itsnowornever

Thank you for the advice suki and believe what you said is true. In the words of an addict, "I'm done for good this time". The main difference this time is that I have completely surrendered and admitted my secrete to my family.

suki44883

That's good to know; however, actions speak louder than words. Families and loved ones here the words all the time. Nothing changes though, unless there is positive action to go with those words. I wish you every good luck.

tjp613

Did you also tell your lady friend?

MelissaNoDrugs

When an addict says "I'm done doing drugs forever" I never believe that.

When an addict says "I'm not doing drugs TODAY" I hear the ring of truth and reason for hope.

itsnowornever

That is an excellent point Melissa and I will take your advice. All I can do is surrender and give it everything I can. I will not use drugs today. Thank you for your advice. Again I want to note that I have not been a long term user and that I would rarely for more than a few days in a row using with a max consumption of 60mg a day. I really want to do this and would appreciate everyone's positive support. Thank you.

tsmba

It is possible that you aren't an addict.....there is a big difference between addiction and dependence. Using over time and withdrawals aren't strictly symptoms of addiction. If you are an addict, commitment to "he love of your life", pledges not to use, and determination will make no difference in the long run. None of us can begin to address the "am I or aren't I?" question for you.

I would think about all this, and get some help answering these questions!

itsnowornever

I will be the first to admit that I was an addict in the sense that I was convinced they made me a better or more fun person to be around. I have made my lists of pros and cons and I do attend counseling weekly. This is a huge road to nowhere and I see that very clearly. For today I will not do drugs. I would like to look at it as a phase in my life that I am trying to put behind me as I am excited to get engaged and start my life with a beautiful women.

karma35

no matter - get done for you... but i think people are tryin to be kind when they say don't move in yet - we've all been there... no one story is the same but the outcome is pretty similar and can be pretty gutting.. have you told her?
i'm also in the belief that yes you do need support even if for you it's postin here- its always difficult changing any habit.. i am also in the belief that WHATEVER it takes is what it takes... so also please see that noone is posting here without coming from similar - i get super sensitive too..
i wish you much luck and hope you recover fully
Karma

tsmba

Sounds like you haven't come to terms with just what it means to be an addict.