Isaiah

A lot has been going on in my life lately. A friend of mine asked me what was going on and I gave her a list of 8 things that really aren't going well for me right now.

One not-so-significant thing is today is the anniversary of one of my favorite musician's death (it was suicide.) I thought it'd be nice to play one of his albums. It ended up just pushing me over the edge. I shut myself in the bathroom and cried a good 15-20 minutes.

I am very upset but... I don't know... it almost feels good in a way. It's a release. I talked to another friend who is in AA about everything, and how this pain I've got almost reminds me of how it is when you're at a table where someone has a breakdown over relapse or a death in the family. It can bring you to tears, but when you leave you're reminded exactly why you go to meetings, why you stay sober and why you're glad you're alive.

Through it I did have a drinking thought. It wasn't "I need a drink!" Wasn't "I want a drink" More like "I could have a drink." It came as an option rather than a need. That's not so bad to deal with. I dealt with it. I'm glad it wasn't the more urgent kind. Only day 4 for me too.

Thank you, God.

CarolD

Isaiah......

I think you handled the day well....especially for Day 4.

If you have a copy of "Under The Influence" by
Milam & Ketcham there is an eating plan +
supplements near the back.

After checking with my doctor....I followed that for
about 6 months.
I consider it was a tremendous asset in dealing
with both cravings and mood swings.

Amazon usually has it....if you wish to order.

Forward we go...side by side

Isaiah

I don't have a copy nor have I read it, but I hear about that book constantly. I'm going to have to look for a copy.

Is there a specific type of diet, do you know? I ask because if there's at least one thing I do right: I'm sort of a health nut--at least when it comes to food.

And for the past few days I've been taking b-vitamins, folic acid, calcium and magnesium as I've read those tend to get flushed out when you drink and/or are most helpful in getting you back to normal functioning.

CarolD

Please ask your doctor about hypoglycemia and see if that
applies to you.

Google has info on hypoglycemia and eating plans.

Mattcake

Yeah, feeling sadness is therapeutic, I think.. or healthy. My own favourite musician (who is alive btw ;.-)) sings that she'll cry as many tears as needed to sail "you" home.

Alcohol won't relieve the sadness, it will just numb it and freeze it within you - the old vicious cycle . Whatever it is that's getting to you... just embrace it fully. If it's too much, you can always reach out for help, as you already have. Hopefully it'll only hurt for a little while

jhay

Ain't that the truth? I relapsed recently and was so depressed and couldn't stop crying. It was a wake-up call for me that I can never drink or use successfully and just one drink will send me off to the races calling up old dealers, etc. just for wanting one drink. What a terrible experience, but it reminds me why I need to stay focused, active, and happy to be alive.

jhay

Acceptance really is key. Accept how you're feeling and process it instead of stuffing it down inside. Alcohol only does two things for me in regards to feelings like this; it wither temporarily relieves it only to make it even harder to face reality the next day, or it makes it worse and I end up dwelling on the negative in an even more depressed state. Learning acceptance and learning how to let go are very important for me, especially in early sobriety.

Mattcake

Maybe acceptance is one of the the keys to freedom

Isaiah

Some of the things that got me down the other day have improved or gone away. And they wouldn't have if I'd decided to drink instead.

I'm in a complicated relationship with someone (I say it's complicated but not complicated in a bad way, it's complicated ) and we'd been having difficulties. Over the week we've been making up and rebuilding. I'd say things are more or less back to normal again. It's been so helpful. She's a huge support.

What would've been if I was drinking? Calling and saying things I don't mean? Ignoring her for another man named Jack Daniels?

grateful2b

...good for you for not picking up, Isaiah
I have been really appreciating your posts, lately...thoughtful and though-provoking...
feeling our feelings...necessary to moving forward
keep on keeping on