kiki5711

I've always been a drinker off and on in my life but it never got out of hand like it did in the last two years. I went through so much stress with family situation, drinking was the lesser of the problems. I'm lucky I didn't turn to heavy drugs, to deal with it all.
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I dealt with that too, 5 months later I was diagnosed with colon cancer. Had surgery, had to wear colostomy bag for 9 months while going through chemo. I started drinking even more.

It wasn't enough that I had to deal with all the stress from the kids/step kids, but now double cancer as well?? Hello? how much can a person take?

I would go home from chemo, stop at QuickTrip and buy wine and drink it before I got home. At home, I drank some more. Eventually it got so bad that even starting to drink at 7 in the morning wasn't enough. And the reason why it was 7 in the morning was cause they don't sell liquor before that!

I wanted to drown myself in alcohol. I tried to hide from everyone by drinking in my van and hiding the bottles. AS if nobody was noticing that! For real!

I got to that point of not being able to sleep after the alcohol wore off, and started taking more and more pills. That got out of hand too. Everyone in the house was on my back to quit. I felt like I just wanted to be left alone. "leave me alone! why do I have to be an example for the rest in the house!" Damn! I can't even be sick without being bothered!

Finally, after I was done with chemo, and my colostomy reversed, I started feeling hope, but couldn't stop drinking.

I went to rehab. It helped sooooo much.

It''s been over 3 months now since rehab.

I still have this fear if the cancer comes back, I will start drinking again. I cannot take it any more, to go through it again.
I'm trying not to think about it.

Best wishes to ya'll.

Ainslie

Hey kiki,

wow youve been through a lot - i feel undeservably lucky reading posts like yours.

I hope you can stay strong too....remember alcohol doesnt make anything better in the long run - especially your health

Take care of yourself

kiki5711

My attitude should be much more hopeful. After I re-read my post, I realized what a "downer debbie" I was.
I just read somewhere that Sharon Osbourne also had colon cancer and she's doing great! I'm glad she shared her experience and everyone can see her positive attitude and life.

One bad day, doesn't a life make.

I'm still adjusting to seeing daily life and especially holidays (days off from work) without alcohol. I keep noticing stuff I never noticed before.