c-ptsd and time in recovery
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1
c-ptsd and time in recovery
Hey I am new to the forum. I have recently undergone alot that has rocked my world. I am 9 years sober. I have worked the steps to the best of my ability. The past few years have been real ruff, not so much in trying to stay sober but, in trying to manage attitude and life. Things like anger management, quitting smoking, and being for lack of a better word ocd have taken over my life.
To make a long story short. I went to numerous doctors and have been diagnosed with cptsd. I have tried various prescribed drugs to manage anxiety. None have been effective. The further I go into therapy, the more sick I feel. The anxiety and anger is getting out of hand. I spend most of time focused on manageing it. The dreams are getting worse and more frequent. The distance I put between myself and others is getting larger and larger. The unmanageabilty is getting greater than ever. My therapist is trying to get me help through the VA. Maybe different drugs and a better shrink. This creates a new set of fears and anxiety. I have begun to feel like a man with out a country. I can't medicate these feelings. I cant manage these feeling. I go to AA. I get told just dont drink and it will get better. Rework the steps. Non of it seems to work. I have accepted Ptsd as a condition. Its the condition that lead me to alcoholism. Alcoholism is the condition that lead me down a larger path of self destruction. I am tired of feeling this way and all the unmanageability. Has anyone else been down this path. When does it get better. I have surrendered and feel I am going to any length. With that said why do I feel so bad.
To make a long story short. I went to numerous doctors and have been diagnosed with cptsd. I have tried various prescribed drugs to manage anxiety. None have been effective. The further I go into therapy, the more sick I feel. The anxiety and anger is getting out of hand. I spend most of time focused on manageing it. The dreams are getting worse and more frequent. The distance I put between myself and others is getting larger and larger. The unmanageabilty is getting greater than ever. My therapist is trying to get me help through the VA. Maybe different drugs and a better shrink. This creates a new set of fears and anxiety. I have begun to feel like a man with out a country. I can't medicate these feelings. I cant manage these feeling. I go to AA. I get told just dont drink and it will get better. Rework the steps. Non of it seems to work. I have accepted Ptsd as a condition. Its the condition that lead me to alcoholism. Alcoholism is the condition that lead me down a larger path of self destruction. I am tired of feeling this way and all the unmanageability. Has anyone else been down this path. When does it get better. I have surrendered and feel I am going to any length. With that said why do I feel so bad.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Hello,
I too am new here, and don't have any sound educated answers for you, but I am glad that you are here.
You say that recently many things have made life tough- have you been able to share those things with anyone?
Hang in there- how great that you have been recovering 9 years!
I really think this is an awesome site, and have gotten so much help already.
I too am new here, and don't have any sound educated answers for you, but I am glad that you are here.
You say that recently many things have made life tough- have you been able to share those things with anyone?
Hang in there- how great that you have been recovering 9 years!
I really think this is an awesome site, and have gotten so much help already.
Indigo
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 23
I have been down this path, and yes, it DOES get better.
In my case, I didn't even know I had a problem with ptsd until I got sober. You know what they say, "more will be revealed." I was working the steps, doing service work, doing what everyone was suggesting to me, but for some reason it seemed like I was on the slow track. And then at 5 years of sobriety, I ended up in in the psych ward.
For the next ten years I was in and out of psych hospitals. I managed to stay sober through it all, but life was very difficult. There were a lot of painful things in my past that I needed to work through. There was no easier, softer way but to go straight through the middle of it.
Life has been really good these past 5, or so, years. I've been sober for over 23 years now and I'm really glad I went through everything that I did. I don't have ptsd anymore, no triggers, no nightmares, no panic. I have trudged the road to happy destiny! And now I'm enjoying it.
I'm in no way saying that it will take you that long. That was my journey. I simply wanted you to know that it is possible; there is a way to get to the other side of it. Yes, sometimes it does seem as if it is just getting worse. Sometimes it's difficult to see the forest through the trees. Sometimes it's a very large and dense forest, but you can get through it. Others before you have done it. And when you get through it, you will show others after you.
In my case, I didn't even know I had a problem with ptsd until I got sober. You know what they say, "more will be revealed." I was working the steps, doing service work, doing what everyone was suggesting to me, but for some reason it seemed like I was on the slow track. And then at 5 years of sobriety, I ended up in in the psych ward.
For the next ten years I was in and out of psych hospitals. I managed to stay sober through it all, but life was very difficult. There were a lot of painful things in my past that I needed to work through. There was no easier, softer way but to go straight through the middle of it.
Life has been really good these past 5, or so, years. I've been sober for over 23 years now and I'm really glad I went through everything that I did. I don't have ptsd anymore, no triggers, no nightmares, no panic. I have trudged the road to happy destiny! And now I'm enjoying it.
I'm in no way saying that it will take you that long. That was my journey. I simply wanted you to know that it is possible; there is a way to get to the other side of it. Yes, sometimes it does seem as if it is just getting worse. Sometimes it's difficult to see the forest through the trees. Sometimes it's a very large and dense forest, but you can get through it. Others before you have done it. And when you get through it, you will show others after you.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by irish13 
The further I go into therapy, the more sick I feel. The anxiety and anger is getting out of hand.
The stress of reliving events was giving me adrenaline surges again, just like it was in real time. And that's why I got sick -- all those adrenaline surges had no place to go but inward.
After I got out of the hospital, I asked my therapist for healthy ways to release the adrenaline. Within a month I was taking martial arts classes and later on I added boxing. I have a punching bag at home now, and still use it when the need arises.
I hope you find a healthy way to release that adrenaline, too.
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