NOLAGirl

Well, I've posted on here in the past regarding my mother's alcoholism. Up until November of 2009 I was emotionally unstable and really lost; I made the decision to estrange myself from her. I have not regretted this decision at all; I am a much happier and fulfilled person as a result of the estrangement.

Regardless of my decision to sever my relationship with my mother, I still really love her and care a lot about her, so periodically I will ask my sister how my mother is fairing. Usually my sister is pretty vague, but last month she mentioned that my mother told her that she stopped drinking. Immediately I was excited but knew not to get my hopes up, especially since she has not sought any help. Then a few days ago the subject was brought up again and my sister told me that a friend that lives with my mother said she drinks about 3 beers a week. This did not surprise me and I took the news in stride. Then my sister made a comment that really upset me, "She is doing way better. Even dad said that three beers a weeks is no big deal." This flippant remark and attitude just blew me away - Doing much better? Three beers a week, no big deal?!? I fail to see how it's "no big deal" that she is drinking any alcoholic beverage, let alone three beers a week when she is an alcoholic dying from liver failure. The way I see it is whether she drinks once a month or three times a week, there still exists a huge problem.

I'm really perplexed by my sister and dad's seemingly lackadaisical attitude towards my mother's continued consumption of alcohol. I almost feel as if they are condoning the behavior - This makes me really upset and bewildered. I feel like I'm the only one that still reacts to the situation at all. Am I the one that has a problem? Do I just need to accept my mother's choice to drink and take on an indifferent demeanor towards it? Sometimes my family makes me feel like I'm this emotional basket-case that is overreacting. I feel really singled out when I speak to them concerning my mother's problems. I don't want any person to tell me how to feel, but I would like to know if I could stand to "loosen up" a little concerning this situation.

Freedom1990

The lackadaisical attitude is indicative of denial, dear. Just as the active alcoholic is in denial, so is the untreated codependent connected with the alcoholic.

I love my parents, but they are dysfunctional. My father is an untreated adult child of two alcoholics, my mother is an untreated codependent.

After I got clean/sober, they had no one to enable.

When my oldest daughter became active in her addictions, guess who they enabled?

I used to be my head against the wall because they didn't 'understand' addiction.

Today I realize that is just the way that they are. Although they are somewhat educated in addiction these days, there is still a lot of denial there.

I no longer get my panties in a wad over it.

When you find yourself getting upset over something your sister says, think in your head "go with God."

I know it sounds crazy, but it has worked for me.

dollydo

Ah yes, denial 101. If they think she is only drinking 3 beers a week, they are being fooled big time. An alcoholic knows every trick in the book.

My advice to you, keep your resolve, yes, it is your mother's decision, and, you have no control over her addiction.

SamJane

I wish I had your strength. I would love to do the same.