Bipolar Individuals and Relationships (Advice)
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Bipolar Individuals and Relationships (Advice)
Hello, you all probably know me as a recovering psychostimulant addict. I have been almost two months clean now and I'm not looking back.
I read a dating advice article a while back, though, that disturbed me. The author mentioned that it is necessary to 'look out for and avoid' people with 'the dreadful illness known as Bipolar Disorder II'. Apparently, all of us who suffer are pros at manipulation and will undoubtedly bring down those around us. I was equally frustrated with the supportive responses and the few non-supportive ones (meaning, people agreeing with the poster).
I struggle with the treatment of my own Bipolar II, and while I feel I am not yet ready for a relationship and need to do some more work on myself before jumping into a commitment, I feel that it is unfair to say that all people with Bipolar II basically should not be in relationships.
I feel that when I am ready for a relationship, I will devote myself to my partner and be well for the sake of being able to care for both of us, and to put my self before my partner. Might we have fights? Sometimes, as with all people. Will I have hard personal times? Sure, as does everyone. But I don't think I would jeapardize my relationship in the name of my illness.
Do I deserve to be lonely, forever, for something that I cannot control? Don't I have the right to get well so that I can be fit for a relationship? That's what I want to know.
What do you guys think of this, and do I, in any way, sound unreasonable? Is my frustration justified? Why or why not?
I read a dating advice article a while back, though, that disturbed me. The author mentioned that it is necessary to 'look out for and avoid' people with 'the dreadful illness known as Bipolar Disorder II'. Apparently, all of us who suffer are pros at manipulation and will undoubtedly bring down those around us. I was equally frustrated with the supportive responses and the few non-supportive ones (meaning, people agreeing with the poster).
I struggle with the treatment of my own Bipolar II, and while I feel I am not yet ready for a relationship and need to do some more work on myself before jumping into a commitment, I feel that it is unfair to say that all people with Bipolar II basically should not be in relationships.
I feel that when I am ready for a relationship, I will devote myself to my partner and be well for the sake of being able to care for both of us, and to put my self before my partner. Might we have fights? Sometimes, as with all people. Will I have hard personal times? Sure, as does everyone. But I don't think I would jeapardize my relationship in the name of my illness.
Do I deserve to be lonely, forever, for something that I cannot control? Don't I have the right to get well so that I can be fit for a relationship? That's what I want to know.
What do you guys think of this, and do I, in any way, sound unreasonable? Is my frustration justified? Why or why not?
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
I love how some relationship advice givers just completely toss out the fact that one in four people have some sort of diagnosable disorder. Not just bi-polar, that's just one of an infinite number of less than attractive labels people can and do have.
With that said, do you remember what it was like when we didn't know or acknowledge we were a little "nuts"? Those are the people even we may want to avoid. Something changes almost immediately once we begin to see ourselves and our disorders in a light of reality. In AA they tell us that self-knowledge isn't enough. But, when it comes to mental disorders, the more we learn about our behaviors and how to counteract them, we get *better* not cured, but *better*. That's my belief anyway. It's a huge step. Then, to continue, we need to treat ourselves in one way or another.
We're human beings. Human beings want to be loved and understood. Sickness and all. We're not unique. I'm afraid the human species would die out if all of us stopped dating. ;-)
With that said, do you remember what it was like when we didn't know or acknowledge we were a little "nuts"? Those are the people even we may want to avoid. Something changes almost immediately once we begin to see ourselves and our disorders in a light of reality. In AA they tell us that self-knowledge isn't enough. But, when it comes to mental disorders, the more we learn about our behaviors and how to counteract them, we get *better* not cured, but *better*. That's my belief anyway. It's a huge step. Then, to continue, we need to treat ourselves in one way or another.
We're human beings. Human beings want to be loved and understood. Sickness and all. We're not unique. I'm afraid the human species would die out if all of us stopped dating. ;-)
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Originally Posted by Alizerin 
I love how some relationship advice givers just completely toss out the fact that one in four people have some sort of diagnosable disorder. Not just bi-polar, that's just one of an infinite number of less than attractive labels people can and do have.
With that said, do you remember what it was like when we didn't know or acknowledge we were a little "nuts"? Those are the people even we may want to avoid. Something changes almost immediately once we begin to see ourselves and our disorders in a light of reality. In AA they tell us that self-knowledge isn't enough. But, when it comes to mental disorders, the more we learn about our behaviors and how to counteract them, we get *better* not cured, but *better*. That's my belief anyway. It's a huge step. Then, to continue, we need to treat ourselves in one way or another.
We're human beings. Human beings want to be loved and understood. Sickness and all. We're not unique. I'm afraid the human species would die out if all of us stopped dating. ;-)
With that said, do you remember what it was like when we didn't know or acknowledge we were a little "nuts"? Those are the people even we may want to avoid. Something changes almost immediately once we begin to see ourselves and our disorders in a light of reality. In AA they tell us that self-knowledge isn't enough. But, when it comes to mental disorders, the more we learn about our behaviors and how to counteract them, we get *better* not cured, but *better*. That's my belief anyway. It's a huge step. Then, to continue, we need to treat ourselves in one way or another.
We're human beings. Human beings want to be loved and understood. Sickness and all. We're not unique. I'm afraid the human species would die out if all of us stopped dating. ;-)
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Originally Posted by Tealvertigo
I read a dating advice article a while back, though, that disturbed me. The author mentioned that it is necessary to 'look out for and avoid' people with 'the dreadful illness known as Bipolar Disorder II'. Apparently, all of us who suffer are pros at manipulation and will undoubtedly bring down those around us. I was equally frustrated with the supportive responses and the few non-supportive ones (meaning, people agreeing with the poster).
I struggle with the treatment of my own Bipolar II, and while I feel I am not yet ready for a relationship and need to do some more work on myself before jumping into a commitment, I feel that it is unfair to say that all people with Bipolar II basically should not be in relationships.
I feel that when I am ready for a relationship, I will devote myself to my partner and be well for the sake of being able to care for both of us, and to put my self before my partner. Might we have fights? Sometimes, as with all people. Will I have hard personal times? Sure, as does everyone. But I don't think I would jeapardize my relationship in the name of my illness.
Do I deserve to be lonely, forever, for something that I cannot control? Don't I have the right to get well so that I can be fit for a relationship? That's what I want to know.
What do you guys think of this, and do I, in any way, sound unreasonable? Is my frustration justified? Why or why not?
I struggle with the treatment of my own Bipolar II, and while I feel I am not yet ready for a relationship and need to do some more work on myself before jumping into a commitment, I feel that it is unfair to say that all people with Bipolar II basically should not be in relationships.
I feel that when I am ready for a relationship, I will devote myself to my partner and be well for the sake of being able to care for both of us, and to put my self before my partner. Might we have fights? Sometimes, as with all people. Will I have hard personal times? Sure, as does everyone. But I don't think I would jeapardize my relationship in the name of my illness.
Do I deserve to be lonely, forever, for something that I cannot control? Don't I have the right to get well so that I can be fit for a relationship? That's what I want to know.
What do you guys think of this, and do I, in any way, sound unreasonable? Is my frustration justified? Why or why not?
In recovery, it's generally advised that we don't date for a year while we get well. So, at two months, you sound like you're right where you're supposed to be there! But I completely agree with your statement that I bolded up above about all people with bi-polar shouldn't date.
Right now, I'd say that maybe you shouldn't date because it's early in your recovery from substance abuse. Not that you shouldn't date because you've been diagnosed bi-polar.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
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I'm bi-polar/and when I wasn't treated for it, I was a nightmare to be around... I think coming to terms with the disease,and getting treatment is advisable before entering into a relationship...the stress of a relationship can send (me at least) over the top..when I wasn't taking my meds.. I'm also an alcoholic so the combination wasn't a good mix...I got involved with men that were as sick..or sicker than me.....xo
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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I see. Thanks 
This whole thing was a lot easier to swallow after a couple good nights of sleep. I had a good therapy session today and we talked about this, and the conclusion that we came to was that all things will come in good time and, as I get deeper into recovery, I will do what I need for myself as I feel it is appropriate. For some reason my memory on the session is sort of fuzzy so I will do some more thinking tomorrow. No more thinking for me tonight O_O
I think what I will do is worry about going to school (I start again this september), getting good grades and then seeing what happens after that.
This whole thing was a lot easier to swallow after a couple good nights of sleep. I had a good therapy session today and we talked about this, and the conclusion that we came to was that all things will come in good time and, as I get deeper into recovery, I will do what I need for myself as I feel it is appropriate. For some reason my memory on the session is sort of fuzzy so I will do some more thinking tomorrow. No more thinking for me tonight O_O
I think what I will do is worry about going to school (I start again this september), getting good grades and then seeing what happens after that.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 318
Personally, this is a big reason why I hate labels.
IMO, whether a person is good for a relationship or not good, it shouldn't be based entirely upon a label or diagnosis they have been given. There is so much more to a person than just an illness. I've heard so many times negative things said about people with Borderline Personality Disorder (one of the wonderful labels I've been given), that there are many therapists who will refuse to work with someone with this diagnosis. I work in the medical field, and have heard people tell jokes and make light of such an illness. Its like once you have been given a diagnosis, you cease to exist as a person. You become a label.
You, we all- are so much more than just a diagnosis and label. Whether or not you will succeed or have a successful relationship depends on much more than just having a diagnosis of bipolar II.
It sounds like you are on the road to recovery and you deserve to be commended for that. Keep working on getting healthy, and when you are ready, you will find someone who can see you for who you are, and not just view you as a label.
IMO, whether a person is good for a relationship or not good, it shouldn't be based entirely upon a label or diagnosis they have been given. There is so much more to a person than just an illness. I've heard so many times negative things said about people with Borderline Personality Disorder (one of the wonderful labels I've been given), that there are many therapists who will refuse to work with someone with this diagnosis. I work in the medical field, and have heard people tell jokes and make light of such an illness. Its like once you have been given a diagnosis, you cease to exist as a person. You become a label.
You, we all- are so much more than just a diagnosis and label. Whether or not you will succeed or have a successful relationship depends on much more than just having a diagnosis of bipolar II.
It sounds like you are on the road to recovery and you deserve to be commended for that. Keep working on getting healthy, and when you are ready, you will find someone who can see you for who you are, and not just view you as a label.
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 194
Hi Teal, everyone has given you great advice. I'll just emphasize what's been said: continue focusing on you, on your recovery, on your treatment for bp2.
From recent personal experience, being in a relationship with someone with untreated mental illness can be really really difficult, can become abusive and can wear the partner down. You are doing great focusing on yourself for now!
ranae, I'm sorry you've felt so much negativity regarding BPD. I hope you've been able to find the right therapist. With DBT there is a good chance for recovery from BPD. This always makes me hopeful as my ex has many BPD characteristics. Maybe one day she'll open up to the idea of therapy.
peace.
From recent personal experience, being in a relationship with someone with untreated mental illness can be really really difficult, can become abusive and can wear the partner down. You are doing great focusing on yourself for now!
ranae, I'm sorry you've felt so much negativity regarding BPD. I hope you've been able to find the right therapist. With DBT there is a good chance for recovery from BPD. This always makes me hopeful as my ex has many BPD characteristics. Maybe one day she'll open up to the idea of therapy.
peace.
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 318
Originally Posted by evmdimples
ranae, I'm sorry you've felt so much negativity regarding BPD. I hope you've been able to find the right therapist. With DBT there is a good chance for recovery from BPD. This always makes me hopeful as my ex has many BPD characteristics. Maybe one day she'll open up to the idea of therapy.
peace.
I don't think I would still meet the criteria for BPD, though I still struggle with some of the traits. But I guess in a way, we all do.
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You know, it's amazing how much better I feel about this topic after a few days of constructive thinking. I came to the understanding that everything takes some work and this matter is simply one more 'thing' for me that others may or may not have.
I'm not saying I will feel this positive every single day, but it seems like it will be easier in the recovery process to understand my situation and know how to approach it constructively.
I'm not saying I will feel this positive every single day, but it seems like it will be easier in the recovery process to understand my situation and know how to approach it constructively.
spilledmilk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 16
I have know idea why he would say people with bipolar 2 are manipulative. It's a mood disorder. Manipualtion isn't part of the bi-polar illness. I got diagnosed with it after I stopped drinking. I don't find myself to be manipulative at all. In fact I've been the dummy who's been manipulated by others. When the guy is a doctor and not an advice columnists maybe than he can talk.
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Bipolar Individuals and Relationships..
When I was first diagnosed Bipolar I my relationship was on hold due to my busy life but I did spend weekends with my first ex-husband who I later married again after I retired. :ghug3
One of the psychiatrists told me that my diagnosis was related to new meds being tried & when they worked opposite of what they were supposed to I went into a manic type episode. He said I didn't have a manic episode often enough or long enough to qualify for Bipolar Disease.
Then I have been told that there are two distinct disorders: BIPOLAR DISEASE & BIPOLAR; In my DSM IV it discribes MAJOR DEPRESSION & all of the different types of depression that drive the MAJOR DEPRESSIONS. It discribes all of the Manic Behaviors that can accompany MAJOR DEPRESSION too. But it also refers to BIPOLAR I & BIPOLAR II and their differences. :rotfxko
I eventually was taken off Lithium at my request and do not take any type of mood disorder medications except the ones I have taken about 15 years now. These are Effexor XR 225 mg & Lexapro 20 mg one of each every AM. I also take Alprazolam (Xanax) 0.25 mg every six hours or less as needed.
I have titrated the Alprazolam at my request from 1.0 mg every 4 hours to what it is now. My psychiatrist that monitors my medications now does not think I ever had true BPD. She agrees that it coincided with new medications being tried to help my up & down moods. I do have severe anxiety that goes along with my depression & most of the time causes me more problems than my depression does at this time
kelsh
One of the psychiatrists told me that my diagnosis was related to new meds being tried & when they worked opposite of what they were supposed to I went into a manic type episode. He said I didn't have a manic episode often enough or long enough to qualify for Bipolar Disease.
Then I have been told that there are two distinct disorders: BIPOLAR DISEASE & BIPOLAR; In my DSM IV it discribes MAJOR DEPRESSION & all of the different types of depression that drive the MAJOR DEPRESSIONS. It discribes all of the Manic Behaviors that can accompany MAJOR DEPRESSION too. But it also refers to BIPOLAR I & BIPOLAR II and their differences. :rotfxko
I eventually was taken off Lithium at my request and do not take any type of mood disorder medications except the ones I have taken about 15 years now. These are Effexor XR 225 mg & Lexapro 20 mg one of each every AM. I also take Alprazolam (Xanax) 0.25 mg every six hours or less as needed.
I have titrated the Alprazolam at my request from 1.0 mg every 4 hours to what it is now. My psychiatrist that monitors my medications now does not think I ever had true BPD. She agrees that it coincided with new medications being tried to help my up & down moods. I do have severe anxiety that goes along with my depression & most of the time causes me more problems than my depression does at this time
kelsh
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: USA
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Hello, I am new here. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar II (I suffer from boughts of deep depression at times and anxiety).
I have had three long-term relationships in my life. My very first one was in high-school that lasted over three years, the second was to a psychically abusive ex-husband that lasted two years (until I was smart enough to leave!), and I am currently married to my now husband of three years.
Not everyone with a mental illness acts the same as others with the same mental illness. That's like saying all people of a single race act the same as the rest in that race. Give me a break!
I have had three long-term relationships in my life. My very first one was in high-school that lasted over three years, the second was to a psychically abusive ex-husband that lasted two years (until I was smart enough to leave!), and I am currently married to my now husband of three years.
Not everyone with a mental illness acts the same as others with the same mental illness. That's like saying all people of a single race act the same as the rest in that race. Give me a break!
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