4 weeks clean and having a hard time
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 144
4 weeks clean and having a hard time
Hey,
I've been away from my DoC (Ritalin) for close to four weeks now, and while I am feeling better than I was physically, I have been having a lot of mental health crises. After I spent a few hours struggling with thoughts of suicide, I decided to take my medication properly, taking both my Abilify and my Luvox for a week today instead of just the Luvox. I was avoiding the Abilify because it sort of numbed me, taking the edge off, but it compromised my creativity and productivity as an artist.
But I've moved on to another extreme. Without drugs to feel normal, and because I'm losing faith in medicines, I have impulsively cut myself- returning to an old habit- as a means of either coming down from mania or snapping out of depressive stupors. When I say impulsively, I literally mean so- I never cut after thinking about it much and it was instantly utilized as an escape measure to even out my feelings.
I have also been struggling with nightmares and cravings for Oxycodone, as well as Xanax. Drugs that would make me lost grasp of reality that otherwise hurts tremendously. I have not used these- I'm trying to follow a plan of sobriety at this point- but my head I fear will be the death of me.
I guess I'm posting because I would like both some support and insight. Thanks a bunch.
I've been away from my DoC (Ritalin) for close to four weeks now, and while I am feeling better than I was physically, I have been having a lot of mental health crises. After I spent a few hours struggling with thoughts of suicide, I decided to take my medication properly, taking both my Abilify and my Luvox for a week today instead of just the Luvox. I was avoiding the Abilify because it sort of numbed me, taking the edge off, but it compromised my creativity and productivity as an artist.
But I've moved on to another extreme. Without drugs to feel normal, and because I'm losing faith in medicines, I have impulsively cut myself- returning to an old habit- as a means of either coming down from mania or snapping out of depressive stupors. When I say impulsively, I literally mean so- I never cut after thinking about it much and it was instantly utilized as an escape measure to even out my feelings.
I have also been struggling with nightmares and cravings for Oxycodone, as well as Xanax. Drugs that would make me lost grasp of reality that otherwise hurts tremendously. I have not used these- I'm trying to follow a plan of sobriety at this point- but my head I fear will be the death of me.
I guess I'm posting because I would like both some support and insight. Thanks a bunch.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Hello, Teal. Talk to your doc or a therapist lately?
I'm not having so much luck with my depression meds...but I have therapy next week. I'm having a talk with her because my current treatment isn't working. I'm going to have to change some things...maybe my approach to therapy, too.
Hang in there and take care of yourself.
I'm not having so much luck with my depression meds...but I have therapy next week. I'm having a talk with her because my current treatment isn't working. I'm going to have to change some things...maybe my approach to therapy, too.
Hang in there and take care of yourself.
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