I think it's about time I confront myself
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 144
I think it's about time I confront myself
Hello,
So one thing that's been an issue with my past drug use and everything has been the pain I feel regarding my past relationship with my ex-stepfather. He never hit me, or molested me, but he was an alcoholic and very mentally abusive. I believe he sexually abused my mom, but I can't be sure. All I remember is hearing him demand her of things at night, followed by disturbing silence. I remember having to bury my head under my pillow to sleep and crying a lot.
It's been six years since he left the family, and I have come to the realization that, over that period of time, I have done self-destructive and unhealthy things to not have to think about the memories I have regarding him.
I think I want to expose myself to my pain because I think it will help. What to you guys think?
So one thing that's been an issue with my past drug use and everything has been the pain I feel regarding my past relationship with my ex-stepfather. He never hit me, or molested me, but he was an alcoholic and very mentally abusive. I believe he sexually abused my mom, but I can't be sure. All I remember is hearing him demand her of things at night, followed by disturbing silence. I remember having to bury my head under my pillow to sleep and crying a lot.
It's been six years since he left the family, and I have come to the realization that, over that period of time, I have done self-destructive and unhealthy things to not have to think about the memories I have regarding him.
I think I want to expose myself to my pain because I think it will help. What to you guys think?
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Guelph, Ontario
Posts: 640
Talking about your pain is good, but you should talk about it with a therapist , a therapist can help you deal with the feelings. But sharing the pain with others is good. Hope you can sort this stuff out.
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
That was eerily familiar. My alcoholic mother got herself a new husband who would do god-knows-what behind the bedroom door. We would hear "things". She would literally stay in that room at weekend. She lost custody of us over that man. He ended up becoming a serial rapist with the youngest victim 14. I was 12 when we lived him - Luck!!
Anyway, I think being in my later 30's now. I don't think about that time or that man very often. He doesn't deserve to take up any space in my head. He's just a fart in the breeze of my life.
A slew of unpleasantries littered my childhood. For me, just concentrating on woman I am keeps that child at bay. Working recovery fosters my worth there's no room to dwell on any of that stuff while trying to grow my esteem today. I suppose having my own children also helped break me out of my childhood Because it's long over. I'm not the same person I was three years ago. Let alone 18! They're all pretty much just stories to me now.
Anyway, I think being in my later 30's now. I don't think about that time or that man very often. He doesn't deserve to take up any space in my head. He's just a fart in the breeze of my life.
A slew of unpleasantries littered my childhood. For me, just concentrating on woman I am keeps that child at bay. Working recovery fosters my worth there's no room to dwell on any of that stuff while trying to grow my esteem today. I suppose having my own children also helped break me out of my childhood Because it's long over. I'm not the same person I was three years ago. Let alone 18! They're all pretty much just stories to me now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 144
Originally Posted by Alizerin 
That was eerily familiar. My alcoholic mother got herself a new husband who would do god-knows-what behind the bedroom door. We would hear "things". She would literally stay in that room at weekend. She lost custody of us over that man. He ended up becoming a serial rapist with the youngest victim 14. I was 12 when we lived him - Luck!!
Anyway, I think being in my later 30's now. I don't think about that time or that man very often. He doesn't deserve to take up any space in my head. He's just a fart in the breeze of my life.
A slew of unpleasantries littered my childhood. For me, just concentrating on woman I am keeps that child at bay. Working recovery fosters my worth there's no room to dwell on any of that stuff while trying to grow my esteem today. I suppose having my own children also helped break me out of my childhood Because it's long over. I'm not the same person I was three years ago. Let alone 18! They're all pretty much just stories to me now.
Anyway, I think being in my later 30's now. I don't think about that time or that man very often. He doesn't deserve to take up any space in my head. He's just a fart in the breeze of my life.
A slew of unpleasantries littered my childhood. For me, just concentrating on woman I am keeps that child at bay. Working recovery fosters my worth there's no room to dwell on any of that stuff while trying to grow my esteem today. I suppose having my own children also helped break me out of my childhood Because it's long over. I'm not the same person I was three years ago. Let alone 18! They're all pretty much just stories to me now.
Climbing hills, flying down...
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: By the Sea
Posts: 565
It's great you're coming to this realization; emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. Being raised in an unstable household with unstable relationships is also just as damaging. Have you considered talking to a therapist? I've been working with a therapist for similar issues, and it has helped me so much.
I have PTSD, and my therapist explained that we must process bad memories and learn how to replace them with new behaviors / memories (CBT) to overcome the bad ones. In PTSD, the theory is that the brain "holds on" to bad memories and revisits them in flashbacks so that the body will not get itself back into a bad situation (i.e. if you were in a car crash, and every time you get back into your car, you feel anxious and have a flashback of the crash, its the brain's way of telling you, "bad situation, proceed with caution".). We have to process the experience in order to let go of it.
Wishing you good thoughts and hugs.
I have PTSD, and my therapist explained that we must process bad memories and learn how to replace them with new behaviors / memories (CBT) to overcome the bad ones. In PTSD, the theory is that the brain "holds on" to bad memories and revisits them in flashbacks so that the body will not get itself back into a bad situation (i.e. if you were in a car crash, and every time you get back into your car, you feel anxious and have a flashback of the crash, its the brain's way of telling you, "bad situation, proceed with caution".). We have to process the experience in order to let go of it.
Wishing you good thoughts and hugs.
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