Potholes
I got nothin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Potholes
Went to therapy today. Left crying...a lot. Feel like crap. Hanging on as best as I can.
I have an addiction to food and it is out of control. I wish I could quit eating. I can't imagine someone telling me that in order to not have an alcohol problem I have to drink exactly two standard drinks every single day--no more, no less. That would never work for me.
I put off eating today until just now...but it really doesn't matter when I start. I graze throughout the day and binge at times. I am unhealthy. I am filling an empty hole.
Food is far more complex to manage. For me, it's not about the type of food I'm eating, although I do have bad choices. It's always the amount. Any food...good or bad...is never enough.
I constantly obsess over food.
It wasn't trading one addiction for another...the food problem was in place long before alcohol was there.
I've been this way for as long as I can remember.
I've tried several times to beat this and have failed.
I won't stop until I'm happy with myself and my life. I'm afraid that will never happen. I have therapy again in 1.5 weeks...it was the soonest I could get in.
I have an addiction to food and it is out of control. I wish I could quit eating. I can't imagine someone telling me that in order to not have an alcohol problem I have to drink exactly two standard drinks every single day--no more, no less. That would never work for me.
I put off eating today until just now...but it really doesn't matter when I start. I graze throughout the day and binge at times. I am unhealthy. I am filling an empty hole.
Food is far more complex to manage. For me, it's not about the type of food I'm eating, although I do have bad choices. It's always the amount. Any food...good or bad...is never enough.
I constantly obsess over food.
It wasn't trading one addiction for another...the food problem was in place long before alcohol was there.
I've been this way for as long as I can remember.
I've tried several times to beat this and have failed.
I won't stop until I'm happy with myself and my life. I'm afraid that will never happen. I have therapy again in 1.5 weeks...it was the soonest I could get in.
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
(((hugs)))
I would think food addiction is one of the worst things to have. It would be like an alcoholic having to have just one drink three times a day. So, you have my utmost respect. I've read enough of your posts to know you have the strength to beat it too.
I would think food addiction is one of the worst things to have. It would be like an alcoholic having to have just one drink three times a day. So, you have my utmost respect. I've read enough of your posts to know you have the strength to beat it too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I was a compulsive eater for quite awhile. I remember always thinking "This is the last time"- way before I ever drank as well. I think there's a common base problem that leads us to drink, eat too much, self harm... I used to jog miles after a binge or starve for a day or two. Or just go to sleep and do the same thing again and again... I still have issues around food, like if I am supposed to eat with someone I will eat very little the whole day and be nervous about what to order, if I can control my appetite- obsess over where they want to dine and if there is anything healthy on the menu or if I will just go ahead and overeat. It used to be much worse though, I'd have written lists hidden in my desk at work detailing what I would eat for the week- and then just binge on other stuff. I used to wake up wondering what I could eat, how much I would eat, etc.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this Bam
I agree though, I know you have the strength to overcome it.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this Bam
I agree though, I know you have the strength to overcome it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 194
((hugs)) Bam. I'm sorry you are feeling so blue.
I was obsessive about food at one time in my life. I used to go to bed every night planning next days menu, calculating calories, my meals, what I would eat. I rarely stuck to it. I'd eat a pan of brownies and then take laxatives. Or do my best to throw up. Or I'd exercise. I'd do crazy diets (atkins, grapefruit, 600 calories a day), lost weight which later came back in the blink of an eye. I finally started to lose weight when I moved out of my parents home at around 23. I've since been able to keep my weight at acceptable levels (to me), but even at my lowest weight (it was very low)... I still felt fat. I still keep a close eye on the scale, although not as obsessively as before. And somehow I've trained myself to eat, and eventually enjoy, the healthier options. At this point, I actually crave that stuff!
As I work on my codependent recovery (core issue is my mother, my very critical, judgemental, controlling mother), I am better equipped to stay away from abusing the stuff I used to (food, alcohol, sex, relationships, otc and prescriptions drugs, etc.). My final frontier: developing a healthy relationship with myself and others. Like with food, it's a fine line to decipher when I move from being a caring and loving person into dancing the unhealthy dysfunction dance of codependency.
I wish you strength as you move forward.
e
I was obsessive about food at one time in my life. I used to go to bed every night planning next days menu, calculating calories, my meals, what I would eat. I rarely stuck to it. I'd eat a pan of brownies and then take laxatives. Or do my best to throw up. Or I'd exercise. I'd do crazy diets (atkins, grapefruit, 600 calories a day), lost weight which later came back in the blink of an eye. I finally started to lose weight when I moved out of my parents home at around 23. I've since been able to keep my weight at acceptable levels (to me), but even at my lowest weight (it was very low)... I still felt fat. I still keep a close eye on the scale, although not as obsessively as before. And somehow I've trained myself to eat, and eventually enjoy, the healthier options. At this point, I actually crave that stuff!
As I work on my codependent recovery (core issue is my mother, my very critical, judgemental, controlling mother), I am better equipped to stay away from abusing the stuff I used to (food, alcohol, sex, relationships, otc and prescriptions drugs, etc.). My final frontier: developing a healthy relationship with myself and others. Like with food, it's a fine line to decipher when I move from being a caring and loving person into dancing the unhealthy dysfunction dance of codependency.
I wish you strength as you move forward.
e
When Pigs Fly
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
I'm sorry to see that you are so down right now, I'm struggling with far to many issues to say anything helpful...I'm glad you posted, you may not have therapy for 1.5 weeks but you have SR. Hang in there...keep posting, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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