Gemini82

I have a good friend of mine whome I am starting to question whether or not to stay in the friendship. I won't really get into the details, but I have always been pretty paranoid about people ... keep to myself.. and well.. drug myself to make it all go away (in private). What can I do to get better and gain better judgement of people without the drugs covering up my bad feelings about everyone?



Well, this last week I visited a couple friends I had not seen in a while. Jenna, I had not seen in over 8 years, and Elisabeth I see every other month or so. Elisabeth and I live 2 hours away from each other and Jenna lives in Cali still, so it is difficult to visit often. We all new each other from high school. Anyway, Jenna and I had a great time visiting... however, Elisabeth's attitude has seemed to change. She seemed to go out of her way to embarrass me, or say comments that are rude... I can't seem to shake off the feeling that Elisabeth has some beef with me... not sure what. :wtf2 I know that she is going through a lot (her hubby had been suicidal and her son has some behavioral issues). I can understand her fustrations... but I feel like her beating pad... is this normal? Or, should I shake it off? The thing that gets me is, I ALWAYS treat people with respect and I never seem to get this in return. Some peope seem to go out of their way to treat others with disrespect. I also would like to say I have high expectations in people.



OK, so... how can I tell if there is something truly wrong with me, or if I am just paranoid about people? This is something I have always struggled with. Therapists seem to know NOTHING. I keep on losing friends due to me thinking they are acting negatively towards me. It is not like I do not have any friends... I just keep my distance from most people, because I ALWAYS sense negative feelings from people. I wish I did not care so much... Can anyone tell me the qualities they look for in people, and what to stay away from? ... and how I can snap out of this if all this crap is just in my head?

PupMum

That doesn't sound like particularly high expectations - just reasonable ones. I too sometimes feel like I am nice to everyone and get treated like *&^% in return. I have started fighting back recently and basically "dumped" a few friends who treat me badly. I feel better for it as they were doing my head in. (And when I complained, I was called a "miserable alcoholic"!!)

If you don't get anything out of a friendship, is it really a friendship?

Cheers
PupMum

historyteach

Perhaps it's time for a heart to heart talk with Elizabeth, before dumping a long term relationship? You said she's going through a lot a difficulties right now. That's not an excuse for bad behavior, but, stress does cause us to behave in ways we wouldn't normally. She may need a friend she can talk to about these issues, but, more likely, a suggestion to see a good counselor who can help her sort things out objectively.

On the other hand, you say that you are "paranoid" about people, and drug yourself to make it all go away. I'm sure you know that's not a healthy response to your own feelings. Have you considered getting support yourself?

You don't say what type of drugs or how much. Perhaps NA is the answer. Or just choosing a healthier lifestyle. Talking out your feelings with a counselor may be a good starting point for you too. Certainly coming here and talking about things was a start. Continue to talk it out. You'll find your way.

Shalom!

Gemini82

Hi, thanks for the reply! :ghug3

I have not tried NA, but I have seen several therapists and have been put on many different kinds of meds. Nothing really seems to work. I probably need to go back since I am actually ready to sort things out at this piont. It is always so difficult to get to know a counselor and feel comfortable sharing things with them.

About the drugs, I was a cocaine addict for over 5 years. It was almost a daily habbit. I have been clean since the first week in April 2008. I cut cold turkey and thought I could handle it on my own... maybe not.

Gemini82

I know how that is. Everytime I bring up anything about people my hubby calls me paranoid... or that I worry too much. I am always told that.

historyteach

I'm glad to hear that you're ready to sort things out now. That willingness is essential for the counseling to work; trust and willingness. And yes, you have to build up a relationship with your counselor. You'll know if it's a good "fit" or not. If it's not, after a few visits, feel free to consult another one. You're not tied to one counselor. I went through a few before I found one that I was comfortable with. They are not all the same.

Since you were using cocaine for such a long time, you may benefit from the NA program. Why not check it out? It's a great program for life, and you'll get LOTS of support from people who have been in your shoes and know what you're going through.

There's also a forum, here on SR, for people who are quitting or have quit substances.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-step-support/
This one follows the NA 12 Step program. Though it is not a substitute for face to face support, it is a good addition to it. And you'll certainly get lots of support from people who know what you're dealing with.

I look forward to getting to know you, and wish you the best on your road to recovery.

Shalom!