omegaweapon85

As I sat her drinking a 16oz Milwaukee's Best, home alone, I started thinking about what happened to me the other night. So I looked up "alcoholism and bedwetting" on Dogpile, and stumbled upon you guys' little coven.
It started out a normal night. I got off work and went to visit my friend at her work because I had lost my cell phone (after getting smashed and trying to drive around looking for a bag of weed) and was trying to gather everyone's phone numbers. She suggested we get together and drink after she got off that night. Of course, I said "right on.... what time?".
So I get home around 5:30 or 6 and down a couple of beers. I feel totally normal and fine, if not a little happier, and watch some TV, actually thinking that I may not head over to her house after all.
By 10:30 I'm feeling pretty good and decide to go on over anyway. She is not home and I'm a little annoyed at having to drive accross the city (I live in St. Louis) to meet up with her, and having no cell phone, was unable to get ahold of her.
I had bought a fresh twelve pack of beer, in addition to the one I was drinking on before I left.
So I go home.
I'm feeling alright and am obviously not ready for bed, so I screw around on the internet, watch some more TV, and get to work on the new twelve pack I brought home.
2:00am
I am quite drunk, but evidently did not realize it because I go to the nearest payphone and call her. She sounds like she may have been asleep, but insists I come over anyway. I go back home and collect the remaining three or four beers I have left, and hit the road.
This is where I am a very fuzzy. It seems that I remember getting there and telling her that I had forgotten my work clothes for the following day. I remember her asking me if all I needed was a collared shirt. I think she also offered to smoke a bowl with me. Whether I did or not is not clear.
I wake up to the sound of her telling me to turn the f@cking alarm clock off and get to work.
I am horrified. She is still half asleep (we slept in the same bed), and obviously doesn't realize that I just P@ssed in her bed. I am fully awake now and do not have the ability to say, "hey I just peed in your bed, I'm so sorry" or whatever the hell you are supposed to say to someone when something like that happens.
I'm supposed to be at work in one hour.
Luckily (I guess) it was one of the biggest snow storms of the year, and I just go home and fall into bed for another five hours, not even bothering to call work and tell them I wont be there.
I show up at work the next day and explain to them that I could not get my car out of the driveway, and having lost my cell phone, there was no way for me to call.
They accepted, and everything is fine.
I KNOW I have a problem. The entire next day after that I thought to myself that I may actually stop drinking now. That this may be my rock bottom.
I am on my way home from work tonight and get the urge. I stop off and get a twelve pack and get busy.
My boyfriend is out of town until next Monday. We have lived together since last may, and though he is a heavy drinker, he is not a problem drinker. When he drinks, he drinks a lot. But when I drink 5 nights a week, he drinks maybe once. I have had many instances before that have caused me to want to stop, and his theory is that I may need to stop, or I may just need to cut down. He is at a loss for what to do, as am I.
This is not my first battle with addiction. I was a meth addict for three years when I was a teenager. IV addict. I was 95 pounds and I would live, breath and (NOT) sleep meth. I went to prison when I was nineteen for revoking my probation for possession and have not used the drug since.
however.... my boyfriend has since discovered that he cannot keep any kind of narcotic painkiller or marijuana (even though he only smokes twice a year at most) in the house because it will not remain long. Same goes for beer and liquor, though I usually keep some kind of alcohol in the house.

I really just want to hear you guys' comments... I'm not even sure what I'm doing here. I've tried everything from AA to Zen meditation... no joke... am I a hopeless cause?

Sauced in St. Louis

shutterbug

not a lost cause....one who is asking the right questions and seeking answers for yourself! That's always an excellent first step.

Have u tried going back to AA mtgs and sticking with the? If not then this must not be your rock bottom yet (in my opinion).

Also...ever been evaluated for a mental illness? Or have any family members with a diagnosis? It's very common for peeps to self-medicate a mental illness with drugs and alcohol subconsiously..

Btw,

Welcome!!

historyteach

Sounds like you've exchanged one addiction for another.
And you know what you have to do. You've done it with meth. And alcohol will lead you to the same place meth did -- it will just take you longer.

How many friends beds do you want to pee in?
And how long will they remain your friends when you do that?

You've got a problem. You've recognized it.
What are you going to do about it?

I wish you only the best...

Shalom!

pedagogue

You are at least taking a look at your current life, and I think that is a step in the right direction. Whether you decide it is time to try and make some changes.....that is up to you. If you decide to give it a shot, there are many people who have found support in AA. Getting support from family/friend can help too....but be aware that you will probably need to show them that you are DOING things to help your situations, and not just SAYING you will do something.....which can often be a sign if someone is starting to get serious about getting back on track.

Local/Community counseling services may be helpful too, they are often low/no-cost as they are supported by the gov't.