Thou shalt not be aware
If you are lost, stand still
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: James Island, SC
Posts: 159
Thou shalt not be aware
I'm glad this place is here.
One of the unspoken rules in my family was that if nobody talked about a problem, that meant it didn't exist.
Therefore, on some level, I've always assumed that if I told no one what my problems were, no one would be aware of them, and so I didn't have to address them.
I'm just now learning the hard way that this is SO not the case.
Normal people - like my friends - ARE aware. They always have been. And I was the one in the dark.
One of the unspoken rules in my family was that if nobody talked about a problem, that meant it didn't exist.
Therefore, on some level, I've always assumed that if I told no one what my problems were, no one would be aware of them, and so I didn't have to address them.
I'm just now learning the hard way that this is SO not the case.
Normal people - like my friends - ARE aware. They always have been. And I was the one in the dark.
Keep posting--I'm glad you are here! :ghug2
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
Glad to see you and welcome! SR is a great place full of great people.
Yep...I can relate. I was raised...that the sober members of the family were the "problem"....not the alcoholics! Shame...and silence. The very "idea" that we would speak about the problem of alcoholism in our family was preposterous.
Yep...I can relate. I was raised...that the sober members of the family were the "problem"....not the alcoholics! Shame...and silence. The very "idea" that we would speak about the problem of alcoholism in our family was preposterous.
My family gets that "deer in the headlights" look whenever I am open and honest about a problem.
Last week, when asked to get mixed up in yet another family feud, I said "Those two people are grown-ups fully capable of taking care of their own relationship with each other." You would've thought I was speaking Swahili.
Glad you have now learned this skillset -- you'll find that people who truly DO love you are going to be relieved that you're willing to let 'em help when you need a helping hand. Bravely identifying a problem to work on is step one.
Welcome, Absent!
Last week, when asked to get mixed up in yet another family feud, I said "Those two people are grown-ups fully capable of taking care of their own relationship with each other." You would've thought I was speaking Swahili.
Glad you have now learned this skillset -- you'll find that people who truly DO love you are going to be relieved that you're willing to let 'em help when you need a helping hand. Bravely identifying a problem to work on is step one.
Welcome, Absent!
How well I remember my mother denying she had a problem and, "if you tell anyone..."
That's the manipulative part of it all. It;s confusing to children. Then we grow up more confused than ever.
Having alanon, and SR to discuss things while being allowed to remain anonymous helps us all the way around.
We don't have to explain ourselves to anyone. When we do choose to share our problems and issues, we can do it in an atmosphere of accpetance.
I love that.
That's the manipulative part of it all. It;s confusing to children. Then we grow up more confused than ever.
Having alanon, and SR to discuss things while being allowed to remain anonymous helps us all the way around.
We don't have to explain ourselves to anyone. When we do choose to share our problems and issues, we can do it in an atmosphere of accpetance.
I love that.
Progress Not Perfection
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: "Further up and further in!"---C.S. Lewis
Posts: 563
I love this
I love this Wabbit...thank you...this really helped me today. As an acoa, I have a problem "feeling" the acceptance, sometimes, but you reminded me that, that is one of the reasons we are here...is to accept eachother.
If you are lost, stand still
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: James Island, SC
Posts: 159
Holy crap, I know! My Dad looked at my like I was insane - even asked me to define a word I used - literally like I was speaking another language, when I pointed out and asked him why he was wincing at every loud noise (like thunder). I spent 5 minutes explaining what I meant by "wincing" before he said, "Oh, must be the glaucoma." As if I should have already known what it was, despite the fact that he'd never told me about it.
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