DaVinci2

Well, with work and home life being as stressful as it is, I've been slowly losing myself. I've mastered the art of controlling my panic attacks (Or so I think) which has now turned itself into trigeminal neuralgia...which is ****** up. Now when I start to get stressed out, my face and tongue get all messed up.

Anyways, I can't leave my wife (I love her and she couldn't take care of my MIL alone), I can't leave my job because then we'd have no money to live (We barely get by as it is), and the system as far as getting my MIL into a home is so ****** that it's not looking like it's going to happen anytime soon.

Today, my MIL did all the things she's NOT suppose to do, and did none of the things she IS suppose to do. This sent my wife into her own kind of rage, and add to that that my MIL has decided not to accompany my wife to the grave yard in which my father-in-laws bones are to be placed. She says "I don't want to sit for 3 hours in a train." This has caused even more stress.

So basically, there's no escape and I'm feeling like the only time I'm in any condition to talk with anyone is when they are all asleep...and I should be to. I asked my doctor for advice and he said he couldn't offer any that would help and that I should just keep taking the meds and slowly work my way into the system of getting my MIL out of the house.

Cindi R

I'm sorry you're having such a bad day.
Hang in there.
There will be better days.

kelsh

Hi Davinci2,

I don't see anything positive happening with your mil. Even her own daughter can't handle it. Choices need to be made before everything falls totally apart. I know some families believe in taking in their parent that needs help. My Mom brought her Mom(my grandmother) to live with our family when I was in the third grade. It did not work good...my grandma was an active alcoholic and our family life revolved around grandma's drinking. We couldn't bring friends over to visit or stay over-night because we never knew what shape grandma would be in.

Your wife sounds like she is very stressed. It is a difficult situation and place to be right now. This can also affect you too. I think your doctor is right but you and even your wife might benefit from some type of marriage counseling. You could probably benefit from counseling if your wife doesn't want to.

Sorry I don't have a solution for you. Take care. :comfort

kelsh

Lilya

Hi DaVinci,

I´ve been wondering how your situation is and I´m sorry to hear it´s still so tough. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Please remember that life is made up of periods, like cycles. When one cycle comes to an end, another begins. Don´t lose hope.

I´ve suggested before to let your mother-in-law just do what she wants to do and stop reacting to her. It only makes it worse if you tell her to obey rules she clearly doesn´t want to obey. She needs attention, negative attention. Don´t feed her bad behaviour. Stop the enabling.

I recommend the book Emotional Blackmail or Toxic Parents. You´ll find it on the Internet if you google it. I´m dealing with my mother and sister and I know it takes a lot out of you.

Your situations seems to be getting worse. How about talking to Adult Children of Alcoholics? A conseilleur who is expert on this problem in Japan?

Don´t take on too much, it´s the little things that matter and breaking the bad cycle.

I´m sending lots of good energy to you.

Love and light,