newby22211

hi, i am new here looking for advice.i posted this in the "friends and family of alcoholics" forum but i thought it was appropriate here, too.

my mother-in-law has been an alcoholic for many years, but only in the last couple years since she got a divorce has it gotten really, really bad. she is also very depressed and has bipolar I disorder. the depression and alcoholism feed off each other, and every time she gets drunk she talks about how she wants to die. she attempted suicide about a year ago, and that's when we realized the severity of her problems. she had kept it hidden very well from us. she voluntarily went into treatment for 30 days after her suicide attempt, but only stayed sober for about a month.

we live about 2 hours from her, and unfortunately we don't get to see her much. she is very lonely, as she doesn't talk to much of her family anymore. she has 2 sons, and of the two of them my husband is really the only one who talks to her. and he has almost given up on their relationship. i feel so bad for this woman.

after many, many second chances, she has finally lost her job. she missed too many days. so now she is on another drinking binge, i think it has been a week now. we don't know what to do. she doesn't want to go to rehab, because she doesn't think it will help, and she says she can't afford it. she says there's nothing they can say or do for her that she hasn't already heard or tried!

her friends and family have all tried to intervene on more than one occassion, and we all learned our lesson. it does no good to "rescue" her. i understand that is true with all alcoholics. they have to WANT to get better, interfering is just postponing it.

so, what can we do? just sit by and wait for her to drink herself to death or commit suicide? i feel so helpless. she is in really bad shape. she ruptured her esophogus from throwing up so much. she hasn't eaten in days, and when she runs out of alcohol she just goes out and drives drunk to get more.

any suggestions?

we talked about an intervention but no one seems to think it would do any good.

thank you so much for reading and for any responses!

Emimily

at the mental health center where i work, if someone is a danger to themselves or others they can be involuntarily committed. if i were you, i'd call my county mental health agency and see what the criteria is. if she's a dual diagnosis (which she sounds like she is), she may have to go through detox first, but then may be able to be committed. i'd check into it... best of luck.

newby22211

what is really frustrating is we went through a very hard process of getting her committed several months ago, but it didn't go through. we had to go to court and petition for this. they decided to commit her for 90 days to the state mental hospital. she had to stay in a behavioral health center for a couple weeks until a bed opened up in the state hospital. during that couple weeks, i guess she convinced everyone that she was better, and they LET HER GO HOME!! she was able to go back to work, but she had to report to the judge every week or two and if she screwed up once during the 90 days she would be committed. however, she didn't screw up, until after the 90 days was up.

i will look into seeing if we can get her committed. thank you!!

Laciemae

Emimily has a great idea. This might be kind of drastic and most likely expensive, but you could also report her for drunk driving. Then she will go to jail and they might order some kind of rehab for her. Many state hospitals also have substance abuse programs. Check into that and perhaps you can find a counselor to talk to that could offer you advise on your situation. Have you considered taping your conversations to use as "proof" that she is a threat to herself?
I am not sure what to say to offer help - - so I will end on this note and keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

QU31

I am sorry you are going through all of this...it's so hard...Having someone involuntarily committed (at least for 96 hours if she is a danger to herself or others) is pretty easy. I've done it and all you have to do is sign an affidavit. They don't require proof, just a statement. And then they can keep her longer and perhaps get her on meds and stabilized for the bipolar.

However, if they let her out after that and she wants to keep drinking, there is probably not a whole lot you can do. If she truly wants to drink herself to death, she probably will.

She could try Antabuse, but someone would have to make sure she takes it.

historyteach

Hi, newbee;

Each state has their own rules for involuntary commitment.
You don't say where you're from, but, a call to your county mental health facility should give you information you seek.

Don't count on too much though. In RI, it's pretty much impossible to get someone locked up for substance abuse, even if they are at risk as a result. Mass, right next door, is completely different. So, the laws vary greatly. You need to do your homework.

I wish you well. Let us know how it goes.

Shalom!